Broken Pieces Fit Better
by trasigtnintendo
Summary: It has been three years since Piper got out from prison and five years since she last saw Alex. A visit to Litchfield comes with a big surprise.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own any of the characters in this story.

**AN:** Hey everybody, this is my first attempt on a fanfic. Hope you like it. Reviews of all kind are always welcome.

Thanks for reading. Love always.

_**Time to be an adult**_

The waves crashed onto the beach repeatedly and created a relaxing rhythm. A mild wind swept through her hair as the sun was setting. It was a beautiful scene, and it made her smile even though today was really a day of sorrow and at the same time it was a day of joy.

This day, three years ago, there had been a lot of goodbyes and sad smiles as she had walked out of prison as a free woman leaving good friends behind. But this day also made her think about something else. It was about five years since she last saw her. She, who was always on her mind. Piper sighed.

This day would soon come to an end, and it felt fine. Well, almost. She missed someone, someone she thought she wasn't allowed to miss because of her major fuck up years ago.

After she lost her shit on Doggett she had been sent to SHU for three months and had another year added to her sentence for assault. She shrugged. Whenever she thought of her second visit in solitary. She was just glad she'd made it out of there alive a second time and hadn't lost her mind completely.

When she was released from SHU, she had been greeted with silence from the other inmates, a silence filled with respect and horror.

To her surprise, her friends had remained by her side. Nicky was even friendly, quiet but friendly.

The only thing that was on Piper's mind, was Alex.

Piper was glad she'd made it out of that hell hole called SHU, but she was truly terrified of meeting her. Alex had been so mad. Piper knew why. It was time to act like an adult and respect Alex's wishes. Even though it hurt, Piper wanted to show her that she could be a grown woman about it all.

She was determined to do it because, there was a teeny tiny light of hope in Piper that if she did what Alex had told her, they could at least be friends. She could almost live with that.

At her first dinner out of SHU Piper kept silent and listened to all the things she had missed while she was down the hill.

Apparently, Mr. Healy had quit his job, and left a week after the incident. So nobody knew what a villain he really was. She felt relived that he had left and wasn't watching her every move.

Miss Claudette was back, but kept to her own and didn't say that much about what had happened to her after she had assaulted the guard.

Red was back in the kitchen, although not in charge of it. It made Piper glad that Red had got her job back. They told her how miserable she had been without the job and how they all thought she would lose her shit if she didn't get it back, so Piper where really glad she was back in there.

Doggett had been sent to the hospital, but had been back in a month with new teeth, straight and everything. Piper nodded slowly at this announcement, she was glad Doggett had gotten new teeth but it really stung when she though about what she had done to her. She had a flashback to all the blood, and how her face had felt beneath her fists. She almost gagged, but tried to put on a good face for her friends, who where still gossiping.

After she recovered from the nasty flashback, Piper waited patiently at the dining table for her friends to tell her the one thing she had wanted to know every single day in the SHU; how was Alex? It was what had kept her alive in solitary, thinking and wondering what Alex was up to, hoping with every fiber in her body that she was alive and well. No one said anything about her. Slowly and quiet and a bit hoarse, since she hadn't really used her voice much in the solitary cell, Piper asked.

"So... how's... A... " She couldn't even complete the sentence, but everybody knew what she was asking about. Nicky looked down on her food and stayed silent while she poked on it with her spork. Piper almost dropped hers at Nicky's reaction. Had Alex been sent down the hill as well? Was it Piper's fault? She felt how fear and panic raced through her body as no one said a word. She looked down at her tray but her vision became blurred as tears started to fill her eyes.

Finally someone spoke up.

"She's been transferred. "


	2. Chapter 2

_**A hole in the heart**_

The sun had set even lower now and its reflection in the water lit up the world in a much warmer color now. Piper sighed and snuggled up in her blanket, the winds were getting a bit chillier now and she would have to get back soon if she didn't want to catch a cold. She was determined to watch the whole sunset.

* * *

After the day she found out that Alex had been transferred to another prison, she had gone out to the tracks. She ran until she could barely keep moving. That night she cried herself to sleep, wishing hopelessly that it was all a cruel joke and that Alex was still too pissed at her and couldn't bare the mere sight of her.

The next day she tried to act normal and adjust to life in camp again. She went to the new counselor, a woman she hadn't seen before, and asked if she could have her old bunk and stuff back. Her old bunk was taken, but she got transferred to another, right next to it and shared it with a new girl she hadn't met. She was really nice though, kept to herself and was tidy.

After a while she got used to the thought of not seeing Alex everyday, but she never stopped thinking about her, even after five years.

Nobody told her where Alex had been transferred, maybe they didn't know, but it still ate her alive not knowing where the raven-haired woman was, while she tried to do her remaining time in peace.

There were bad days and good days. On the bad days, she would cry herself to sleep, be awake the entire night or she couldn't eat without feeling like she was going to throw up. These days she would scream in her head that she had brought this on herself and it was time to be an adult about it, to face it and make it okay, but she knew it wouldn't be. The only thing that could make it fine was if she could see Alex again, and that wasn't going to happen.

So she faced the problems she could face. She talked to Larry, who hadn't changed his mind about this whole thing, even though she could see that he felt bad for her.

She was actually glad he hadn't changed his mind, because now she felt a bit more free, as free as one could feel behind bars, and was able to embrace who she really was, not only acknowledging a tiny bit of herself.

About two months after she got back from the SHU everything seemed to be back to normal. She was back in the electrical shop and worked to keep her mind Alex-free. Even though she tried, it was an impossible task.

Doggett didn't try anything, she didn't even acknowledge Pipers presence, which was a huge relief to her. It made her time a lot less difficult.

They did, however, bump into each other in the corridor once. Piper tried to say something about what had happened, but couldn't make a single word come out of her mouth. However, Dogette looked at her, instead of ignoring the fact that she existed, and before Piper could try and make a full sentence, she spoke.

"Whatever, college. I'm not gonna thank you for ma' new fine teeth so just cut the bull-crap and never talk to me again. God hasn't changed his plans on sending your ass to hell, so I'm not gonna step in his way to do that myself. I know he'll do a fine job by himself. " She stared intensely at the blonde and then pushed her hard against the wall before walking away.

Piper was still scared shitless for herself even two months after that comment, but Doggett didn't do anything.

* * *

Soon the sun would be completely set. It was getting colder, but Piper still intended to watch the show end.

Tears where slowly making their way down her face. All those memories, especially the bad ones, never faded and even after three years as a completely free woman, it made her cry. Sure, she had handled it all as an adult, but she would never accept that she hadn't chosen Alex in the first place. Maybe if she had, they would be sitting here on this beach together talking about crazy prison memories and laugh together. Maybe even kissing, but that was such a far-fetched thought, she laughed through her silent tears. It was a sad laugh and it made even more warm tears run down her cheeks.

Even now she would sometimes cry herself to sleep. Her life at the moment wasn't something she had imagined or could feel satisfied with. She had a crappy job as a receptionist at a hotel, a bad pay check and a decent apartment. The problem with her home was that it was just decent. It wasn't big and spacious, just a regular flat unlike when she lived with Alex.

Piper knew she shouldn't complain about how she had managed to rise from the ashes of prison, and started a real and true life. Most importantly; she was true to herself, but that didn't really feel like it was enough. The most unsettling thing, though, was that she was alone and felt alone. Even if she still had her friends, they couldn't fill the hole she had in her heart. A hole that was dedicated only to Alex. Maybe it was because she still missed all the adventures she and Alex had been off to. She really couldn't deny that she still had that in her. Or she just missed the raven-haired woman.

She still didn't know where Alex was, if she had been released or if she was even alive. The thought of Alex dead made her cry even harder. She sobbed loudly and tried to watch as the sun made it's way down the horizon, but her tears got in the way of nature most beautiful show.

After a while she stopped sobbing, got up and gathered her things. She decided that she would walk all the way home.

She slowly walked down the pavement and gazed at the stars that were starting to dress the sky. She was still sad that she didn't have someone to share this with. To hold someone's hand, to laugh with and someone to keep her warm at night.

She had tried to date after she got out of prison, but all of them had ended the same way; Either she got too drunk, she really had no clue on how much alcohol she could handle after her two year sober prison stay, or she really wasn't interested in her dates. They all seemed so dull, maybe that was the reason she got so drunk. It just felt like they hadn't accomplished anything or had been through shit like she had. What could really compare with two years in prison?

When she got home she took an hour long shower, filled her tub and sat there for another hour. For once in Pipers life her thoughts seemed to stand still in a sober state. It felt really nice to be able to go to bed and not really feel anything. Except maybe that she wanted to be a certain raven-haired woman's little spoon. But life do happen and as Alex once said; "life gets messy sometimes, you just gotta learn that you can't always fix it." Before she fell asleep she kept repeating a calm mantra in her head. "You have to be realistic, or your fantasies will crush you." It was harsh, but as the adult she now was, she knew life was tough sometimes.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Just a ride to town?**_

She would sometimes visit Nicky at Litchfield. Piper really had no clue why Nicky would agree to put her on her visitor list, but Nicky had, and it was really good to see her again. She had come to a point where she no longer thought about what had happened between Nicky and Alex. She was just glad she could visit Nicky and that things were fine between the two of them again.

Since her release, she visited as often as she could, she and the ecstatic woman had become quite close.

She visited Nicky on a Wednesday in the end of May. The weather had been rainy and a bit chilly for the time of year. After they had chatted for a while, mostly about all the things that had happened in prison since Piper visited last, they refrained from talking and just stared out the window for a while.

Nicky had seemed a bit off and Piper asked what was wrong. She huffed and mumbled something she couldn't hear, but Piper pushed her to tell her what was going on. Nicky stared down at the floor and said quiet.

"She sent me a letter..." Piper didn't know what to say. She knew very well who Nicky meant, but until now, they seemed to have a silent agreement that they weren't going to talk about her. So Piper shifted awkwardly in her chair.

"What... did she say?" Piper asked mildly and soft, trying to hide all her feelings toward Alex even though she felt like crying. One thing she didn't get though, was why Nicky looked so sad.

Nicky searched Piper's face but didn't seem to find what she was looking for.

"She apologized for not sending any letters until now..." Piper stared at Nicky in disbelief. Alex hadn't sent one single letter to Nicky in over five years? Piper had thought she and Nicky had a regular letter exchange.

"What..." Piper stared at Nicky and couldn't really figure out anything else to say. Nicky sat in silence for a moment before she spoke.

"Yeah, that bitch hasn't sent anything since she left..." Nicky laughed humorlessly before she trailed off and bit her lip. Piper was to chocked to say anything.

"She said that she was going to be released soon." Piper fought back the tears threatening to show. It really was great news and all, but it really hurt her that Alex hadn't sent her a letter, but she knew why, and she surely didn't know her address. So she pushed back the tears and smiled a little. Piper knew it was a bad act, but she had to show Nicky she was an adult.

"Wow... yeah, that's... that's great... not... not that she didn't write to you until now I mean, but..." Piper couldn't pretend any longer and felt how tears slowly streaked down her face, but quickly wiped them away. She didn't want to hurt Nicky either so she quickly added.

"I didn't know she hadn't sent you anything... and it's great she finally got some balls to do it." Piper tried to smile but couldn't force herself to pretend that much, so she just looked down at her hands. Nicky rolled her eyes, not in a judging way, more a way that said, "Jesus kid, it's okay to cry". Nicky sighed loudly and positioned herself a bit straighter in her chair.

"I know Piper, but she had her reasons not to send anyone a letter, ya' know." Nicky leaned in over the table.

"Piper, look at me." Nicky stared at her with patience and didn't let go of her eyes. Piper raised her gaze and looked into Nicky's. She knew she stared at the brunette with those stupid puppy eyes of hers. She hated that she couldn't do anything about it, but she felt sad and sometimes she was that person everybody could read like a book.

"She wants you to pick her up when she gets released." Nicky stated calmly, but the sadness shone through her eyes. Piper's breath caught in her throat, and she thought she was fantasizing.

"What?" Piper stared at her with disbelief and her mouth ajar.

"Yeah, kid. You're gonna pick her up on Friday at twelve." Nicky had a sad smile on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

_**How to start a conversation**_

Piper didn't know what or how to feel on Friday when she was going to pick up a certain Alex Vause. She still hadn't figured out why Alex wanted her to pick her up.

Didn't she have anyone else on the outside? She did have a cousin, right? Was this a vendetta against her and how, really? Was Alex really that small-minded? But if she was, why would she want Piper to pick her up when she finally got released from prison? To shout at her and accuse her for being such a horse's ass? No, that wasn't right, she had been a horse's ass. So Piper guessed Alex had every right to shout whatever she felt like shouting at her.

She had assumed that Alex was still pissed at her. Piper really hadn't expected that Alex would've forgiven her for choosing Larry, considering she never forgave her for leaving and breaking her heart. And Piper had broken her heart again. So it all seemed very odd.

Nicky hadn't helped her either. The only thing she had told her that was of interest was the address to the prison and nothing else.

After a while she stopped thinking about it. If she didn't, the thoughts would eat her alive. So she went to work and asked her boss if she could have that Friday off. Just the drive to the penitentiary would take her four hours, so she really needed the whole day for the mission of picking up Alex.

He said it was fine and that she could have the day off.

Thursday seemed to pass in slow motion. It wasn't really high season at the hotel yet so there weren't many guests and she was alone at the front desk. She tried to keep her thoughts calm and not think about what could happen when she picked up Alex.

Out of boredom she watched the clock every five minute and when her eight hour shift was finally over she felt like she had run a mental marathon. The headache of the century was closing in on her and when she got home she threw all of her clothes on the floor and swallowed two aspirins.

When she finally got under the covers in her bed, after a long shower, she kept twisting and couldn't find some peace of mind.

Different scenarios about what could happen the next day kept replaying in her head. They where mostly about how she pulled the car over at a deserted road somewhere in the forest and ravished Alex. She couldn't stop herself from these thoughts and felt how her body became hot and how a tingling sensation crept down south. Another thing she couldn't erase was, Alex's face all flushed and how moans escaped from her not-so-smug mouth and how she cried out her name in a very husky voice... Piper abruptly opened her eyes in frustration and got up from her bed. She didn't want these silly, yet oh-so-hot, thoughts if she knew she couldn't have them and it was rather selfish of her to be thinking of it. She knew that Alex would read her like a book tomorrow and she didn't cope with herself if she was going to flush like a schoolgirl the entire drive home.

So instead of continuing to twist in her sheets, she went into the living room and picked a book from the bookshelf. She hoped that the book would give her some peace of mind, but after reading the third page a second time she gave up, threw the book on the couch and started the TV. She thought that maybe there was a stupid reality-show on so she could finally think about something else. She flipped through the channels but didn't find what she was looking for at first, so she stopped at a random channel and waited for the commercials to end.

After the commercials, a show about some bisexual girl who wanted to find love came up. It was a really dumb show and she felt like she was losing IQ rather than gaining. Exactly what she was looking for, and the channel had a marathon with the show so she could watch until she fell asleep. After a while she got a bit hooked and watched until midnight, but there were still more episodes to come, so she set an alarm on her phone at seven and watched the show until she fell asleep.

The next morning the alarm went off way too early in Piper's opinion. After snoozing for ten minutes she got in the shower and then proceeded to get dressed. She poured some coffee in a large paper mug, grabbed some fruits and then went to the car she had rented for the day. Her nervous stomach couldn't handle anything other than coffee right now.

She picked up her phone, opened Google maps and entered the address of the prison, placing her phone in a holder before she started the car, heading off on her Friday mission.

A rather silly thought entered her head as she sped up on the highway; "Alex, here I come." She flushed hard at her quite childish thought and turned up the radio in an attempt to drench out other silly thoughts.

After less than four hours, she entered the prison parking lot. The traffic had been light and she was a bit early. She turned off her car and exhaled deep a couple of times, grabbing the steering wheel hard. When she felt a bit dizzy, she exited the car and went to the main building of the prison. She could feel her skin turn into goosebumps and she fought hard against the flashbacks that haunted her mind. Even though the prison didn't look like Litchfield it still had the barbed-wire fences that gave her the creeps.

When she entered the building she told the guard on duty that she was there to pick up Alex Vause who would be released that day. She was told to sit down and wait.

Piper sat down and felt how butterflies started to rumble around in her stomach. She hated herself for being nervous like a little teenager who was about to meet their biggest crush or maybe their favorite musician. She cursed herself silently and told herself to calm the fuck down. Even so, she had a hard time sitting still as her mind raced faster than ever. What would she look like after five years in prison? Would she be thinner, look more tired, would her smirk be worn or would her eyes be worn? Piper were so deep in her thoughts she didn't even notice when Alex strode in and placed herself in front of her. The raven-haired woman smirked when she saw the blonde deep in thoughts.

"Let me guess, can it be my awesome ass you're thinking of?" Piper snapped out of her thoughts so quickly when she heard Alex's voice, she almost got a whiplash. At this, Alex laughed and smiled at Piper. She almost looked the same, maybe a bit more toned. The smirk hadn't worn off and her eyes looked as sharp as ever.

She wore worn, black skinny jeans, a plain black t-shirt that hung lose around her upper body and a black leather jacket. Her black hair had grown quite a bit and it framed her beautiful face better than ever.

Piper fought hard not to blush and got up from her chair, but paused. She had no idea how she would or was allowed to act around Alex. Was it okay to hug her or was she just a ride back to town? She had no clue how to act adult around this woman. A woman she adored and was still very much in love with. So she just smiled and laughed softly.

"Hey to you too. " Piper said with a shy smile on her lips. Alex just rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Get over here." Alex said in her deep voice, took a step forward and embraced the blonde.

Piper tried to sigh discreetly at this action and let herself hug her as tightly as she thought was proper. It always felt good to hug Alex, but after not being able to hug the woman of her dreams for five years, it felt amazing and she wished that it would last forever. But this was a friendly hug, she reminded herself. She had to be realistic about the situation, so she let go after a while, but Alex still held her. She actually held onto her quite fiercely. Piper wanted to skip with joy, but reminded herself that Alex probably hadn't had this much human contact in what must have felt like ages. So she resumed the hug and let Alex decide how long it would last. She breathed in Alex's scent and let it cloud her senses. She could feel the other woman's heartbeat and a feeling of being safe settled on her. She couldn't help herself from smiling into Alex's neck.

After what seemed like hours Alex let go of her and smiled.

"Let's get out of here. I don't want to spend another minute in this dump." Piper nodded at this statement and headed for the door as Alex picked up a box with her stuff in it.

She felt really awkward in this situation, but told herself to let Alex steer the conversations, because she had no fucking clue what to say or how to act.

They got into the car and Piper started the engine, the whole time Alex had a big smile on her lips. Piper understood why. She was finally free and could do anything she wanted. It suddenly struck her that she should have brought Alex something to eat. The fruits she took that morning were all eaten.

"Have you eaten?" Piper focused on the road as she waited for the other woman to reply.

"Just shitty prison breakfast, I just missed lunch." Piper nodded as she stopped at a stop sign.

"I can stop anywhere you like, it's going to take a while before we get into town so just shout." Piper smiled a tiny smile at Alex before she saw that it was clear to drive.

"I'll let you know." Alex stared out of the window and smiled. It was then Piper realized that she didn't know where Alex wanted to be dropped off when they got to town.

"Umm... I don't know where to drop you off. Do you want to be dropped of at a certain address? " Piper fiddled a bit when she tried to get her phone out of her jeans pocket so she could write the address Alex said.

"I haven't been able to fix a place yet, and I'm not on probation so, can I bunk at yours for a while?" The other woman looked at her a bit curios. Piper was really chocked and almost dropped her phone. She swallowed hard. How was she going to manage this? Alex in her tiny apartment for a few days, or whatever a while meant.

But she wanted to be a good friend, so she had to manage somehow.

"Yeah, sure, absolutely. I don't have a flashy apartment but I have a living room with a couch. If you're okay with that?" Piper couldn't help her nervous tone, she hoped that it would slip right through Alex's mind without being noticed. But hardly, the raven-haired woman had a really calculating mind so, it was too late. She could see in the corner of her eye that Alex smiled.

"Yeah don't worry, that'll be fine. I'll have my own place in a couple of days. Besides, I bet your couch will be like heaven compared to prison beds." When Piper heard that she just nodded.

She had no fucking clue how she would start a conversation with her. She still didn't know where she stood at with Alex. She drove in silence for a couple of minutes before she couldn't stand it anymore.

"So... You look good." Piper said and shifted a little in her seat, but kept her eyes on the road. She hoped that it was okay for her to say that.

"You too." Alex chuckled, even though it was just a chuckle it still reached all the way into Piper's heart. It felt good hearing her laugh again.

"Have you been working out? You look toned." Piper tried to hide her smile when Alex laughed before answering.

"They had a really great yoga instructor there, so I figure I'd give it a shot. I just had to know what you saw in it." Alex smiled when she saw that Piper shifted a bit in her seat. Had Alex thought of her? And as always, Alex read her like a book.

"Yeah, you were on my mind from time to time..." Alex's smile faded a bit and she looked out the window. Piper felt like she had to say something. Apologize at least, but at the same time she didn't want to destroy the atmosphere they had managed to create so far.

"You have also been on my mind." She didn't really know why she had said that, but she continued before Alex could say anything else.

"Al... I'm sorry. I really am..." There was so much more she wanted to say and apologize for, so she thought that now that she had brought it up, she might as well say those things. She sighed and braced herself.

"I know I'm known to fuck things up, and that this pathetic excuse won't make things different or better, but I want you to know that I want this to work out. Whatever you want it to be." She silently cursed herself for saying that she wanted "this" to work out. She could have just said to her that she wanted her back and to fuck her right there and then. At the thought of fucking Alex she felt how she was starting to blush, but quickly pushed those thoughts aside, considering that this was quite a serious situation. She sighed and waited anxiously for Alex's reply. Alex shifted in her seat a bit and shoved her box of things into the back seat of the car.

"I know. And... I'm sorry too." Piper stared at the Alex. She didn't have anything to be sorry about, right? Since the conversation was going this way, she thought she might as well ask.

"Why...? It was I who fucked up and hurt you, again. You haven't done anything wrong Alex. I was the horse's ass." Piper tried to lighten up the mood with that reference but felt like she failed. Alex sighed and looked at Piper, who had to concentrate on the road, but she could feel the look she got. A look that always seemed to pierce her soul.

"You were absolutely a horse's ass, but I should have listened to you that day when you came to my bunk. I had no fucking clue that that freak was after you for real, and when you came to my bunk I could see in your eyes that your whole world had fallen apart and I was blinded by my second heartache from you and a bit fed up with your bullshit at the time. But still, I should have listened to what you had to say and then have decided if it was bullshit or not, and... I never apologized for putting you in prison, I'm sorry about that." Piper analyzed her speech thoroughly, but couldn't find one bitter tone in it. Alex continued.

"But still. Fuck you for choosing him. I mean, I'm over it but apology accepted." Even though she got tough critique it felt nice to hear her say it, and especially Alex's apology about getting her thrown in prison. They didn't say anything for a while and Piper continued to analyze what she had said. What was she really over? Her? Or just the fact that she had chosen Larry? Alex interrupted her thoughts.

"So, how is your happily prison-wed husband?" Alex still looked out of the window, in this question, however, Piper could hear somewhat of a sour tone. She decided to drop it for the moment and focus on answering the question.

"Well... there was no prison wedding, and never became one outside the walls either and there is no man in my life." Alex seemed quite indifferent to the answer, but she was famous for not displaying her feelings like an open book. Instead she just asked another question.

"How was SHU?" Piper shivered whenever she heard the name of the real hell on this earth.

"A hell hole." Alex nodded at the statement and peppered Piper with another.

"How much time did you get?" Now, she looked more interested.

"Three months in hell and another year in medium hell." Piper stared at the road with a blasé look on her face. Alex's jaw dropped. She almost shouted when she responded to the answer.

"Three months!? What the actual fuck!? How the fuck did you survive in there without losing it or starving to death?" Piper bit her lip. She really didn't want to answer that question. She had hopes on them becoming friends, but if she answered this question, none of her wishes might come true. She wasn't really sure how Alex would handle the answer. Her wish was of course a future with Alex as her girlfriend, but this answer could screw things up. So, she answered it as truthfully as she could at the moment.

"It was hard, and after about five years... It still makes me cry." She paused, she always felt a bit uneasy not admitting the whole truth to Alex. Since it always felt like Alex could see through her, so what was really the point then to not say it all? Sure it was the truth but she didn't really answer the question. It would make her feel so much better to really say how, but Alex cut her off.

"I know there were was a lot of blood and all, but three fucking months!? I'm so fucking glad I got transferred from that corrupt hell." Alex slumped back into her seat, and let out a huge sigh. Piper gripped the steering wheel hard when she mentioned the quantity of blood. She dropped all of her thoughts about telling her how she managed SHU when Alex had dropped that bomb.

"How... how did you know that there was much blood?" Piper bit her lip hard. She couldn't remember anything that night, except from beating the living shit out of Doggett, and the next thing she could remember was waking up in the cell from hell, with a lot of blood on her hands and shirt.

"They dragged you out of the yard like a lifeless rag and you were covered in Doggett's blood. Fuck, Piper, it almost looked like you had murdered that God loving cunt." Alex paused before she continued in a much lower voice.

"Fuck... I was so worried about what they would do to you and what had really happened out there." Alex fiddled a bit with her glasses and bit her lip, a sign that she was nervous or uncomfortable. Piper wasn't able to form a single word and took a deep breath. She was almost on the verge of tears and stole a quick glance at Alex. She looked sad. She really had been worried about her. Piper started to wonder if that was why she transferred. Had she been afraid of meeting a different and changed Piper when she was back from the SHU? But when Piper thought about it; was it even possible that she could make that request herself? If not, why was she transferred?

She shook these thoughts off, it wasn't time to ask these questions now. This conversation had taken a nasty turn but Piper felt like she owed Alex a real explanation of what had really happened, since she had obviously worried about her.

"I walked out of the chapel before the ending of the pageant and walked out to the yard to cry. I just couldn't handle the situation I had put myself in and I couldn't stand the fact of being around people. So I walked out and had like a minute to myself before Doggett was there." She took a deep breath and saw that Alex was paying full attention to what she was saying. She continued.

"She had a sharpened wooden cross in her hand and kept ranting about how I had disrespected her and that it was her duty to erase me from earth. Then she told me..." Piper trailed off and felt how tears built in her eyes, she tried to prevent them from falling but she couldn't. She really wanted to tell this story to Alex without it seeming like she felt sorry for herself, but she didn't know how to tell this story without crying, especially considering what she was going to tell then.

"Then she told me that nobody loved me and, that I wasn't worthy of anybody's love, and that's where I lost it. I kicked her in the groin and elbowed her in the back. She fell to the ground so I sat on top of her and just kept beating her in the face... And then, I guess I must have passed out." Tears flowed freely now, but she realized she had missed a part of the story. So she smiled sadly through the tears.

"But you know what? It all could have been stopped. Before Doggett said that about love, Healy walked out in the yard and saw us. I kept screaming to him that she was going to kill me. But apparently I had burnt all my bridges to that fat homophobic sorry excuse of a man, so he looked at me and just walked in again." Piper stared blankly at the road with tears streaming down her face. Alex just sat there looking like she couldn't believe what she just heard, and boy, was she hard to overwhelm.

"Piper... pull over..." Alex's voice sounded drained and maybe stressed? Piper couldn't tell.

"There's a restaurant up ahead." Piper just nodded. She felt too numb to do anything else.

When she had parked the car and turned it off she closed her eyes. The tears had stopped by then, but she felt so emotionally drained she couldn't move. She heard Alex unbuckle her seatbelt and could feel herself being watched.

"You okay, kid?" Piper opened her eyes and felt like a complete asshole for telling her what she just had. This was Alex's day. It should be a happy day so Piper collected herself for Alex's sake. She sighed before she felt like she was ready to talk again.

"I'm so sorry for telling you this. I mean, it's your day and I shouldn't have. I just felt like I had to, but I don't want this to be about feeling sorry for myself. I fucked up. And I'm sorry for crying..." Piper was about to continue her little incoherent rant but Alex shook her head and took Piper's hands in her own and looked her in the eyes.

"Don't be. I, and nobody else for that matter, had no fucking clue what had happened. So don't be sorry, okay?" Piper looked down on their hands when she said another thing that sounded as soppy as her crying.

"I... I haven't told anyone what really happened either." Piper said and Alex just nodded.

"But you framed that asshole, Healy when you got out from SHU, right?" The raven-haired woman smiled a bit and tried to lighten up the mood, but Piper just shook her head.

"No..."

"What!? Why?" Alex let go of her hands and looked angrily at Piper and raised her voice and continued.

"That fuckhead should be locked up as well and you know that, Pipes, And..." Piper just shook her head and lifted a finger to Alex's mouth to silence her.

"Nobody would've believed me and he quit the week after the incident." She smiled a sad smile and unbuckled her own seat belt. Alex's mouth formed a thin line and she just shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest and slumped back in her seat like a moody child.

"Let's eat." She exited the car while she spoke her mind, and before she knew what she had said, it was out there.

"It was you, who kept me from losing my shit in SHU." This statement made Alex snap out of her mood. She just stared at the blonde one and her face was unreadable so Piper closed the door and headed to the restaurant.

When she reached the front door she turned around to see if Alex was coming or not. The raven-haired woman was just about to get out of the car and was at the front door at no time at all. Piper had no idea how she had taken that last piece of information she had thrown at her, but as always, Alex face was a wall of bricks.


	5. Chapter 5

_**The menu**_

After the meal Piper felt refreshed and was more than ready to get going. They had gotten about half way before they stopped and she really wanted to get home.

A part of her was overly excited over the fact that Alex would be living with her again. The other part of her felt a bit scared. She wanted this to work out, to have Alex in her life again, no matter what their relationship would turn out to be.

She was glad that Alex had told her to stop. Their conversations were good in a way, but they touched really sensitive subjects that one really shouldn't discuss while driving.

Alex hadn't said much about their previous conversations during the meal, just how much she had missed real food. Piper promised her that she could have whatever she wanted for dinner and that she, herself, would cook it. At that, Alex had laughed.

They drove in silence for a while before Piper felt comfortable enough to ask her about the transfer.

"I don't know if I'm allowed to ask this, and you don't have to answer but... Why did you transfer?" Piper tried to act like this was a normal question, like; how's the kids?

Alex was quiet for a really long time and Piper thought that she had crossed a line and that she had ruined everything and was about to say she was sorry for asking when Alex finally spoke up.

"I don't know. They decided that. I got transferred about two days after you were looked up in SHU. I bet it was Healy who made the request." Alex chuckled and snapped her fingers.

"And, I bet it was after that shot we got! "She chuckled.

"I mean, he sure didn't want his straight A-inmate joining the softball team and messing around with a tall, hot, dark haired lesbian." A smug smile danced on her lips while she said this all very dramatically before she laughed.

"You know I'm not straight, Al." Piper stared at the road and didn't look for Alex's reaction to that statement. Piper thought that the discussions about her sexuality were getting old. It was just something Alex would blame her for when she wasn't getting her way with Piper. If she only knew, Piper thought, she liked hot people and girls tended to be the majority of the hot people she liked, even though, no one could compare to Alex's hotness. So all that talk about being straight was really starting to get to her.

They sat quiet for a long time as they both felt that all their questions were answered, for the moment.

When they where almost at the town Piper remembered her promise about dinner.

"So, what would you like for dinner?" Piper smiled at the thought of cooking a real dinner for Alex, it felt so home and safe, and this time, she wouldn't feel like a pathetic housewife, even though she was cooking for a friend, she added in her mind.

"I don't even know what you can cook, or if you can." Alex smirked as she knew this would provoke Piper.

"You doubt my ability to cook? Is that a challenge?" Piper looked at Alex with a mock hurt look on her face.

"I don't know, is it?" She smirked at Piper, who took that as a yes.

"Bring it on." She smiled and waited for the menu.

"Hmm, for starters I want a roe cheesecake, with a white wine to go with it. The main course should be Filé Mignon, with home-made mashed potatoes and a delicious red wine. Yeah, that would impress even me." She smirked and chuckled.

After Piper heard the menu that Alex demanded she immediately thought she was in too deep, but had to act cool and say she could pull it off because, she always wanted to act cool around Alex. Besides, a challenge was a challenge.

"Sure, I can do that." Piper wanted to sink to the ground and she really hoped that Alex would go easy on her and change the menu.

"Oh, but I forgot the dessert." Alex really thought this was hilarious, and Piper felt that this couldn't be a more impossible task with a dessert picked by the queen of luxury.

"Hmm, I can't really think of anything I want for dessert so... I guess I'll give you _free hands_ on that one." Alex smirked and pouted her lips, and playfully arching her eyebrow. Piper could tell it was all a game by her dessert choice. She could only think of one meaning to that one. Piper could have her for dessert, or the other way around, but then again, she wouldn't allow herself to get her hopes up. She was cooking for a friend, right?

Alex had always enjoyed playing games and still did. She liked to provoke Piper and make sarcastic jokes on other peoples behalf. So, she would take the dessert request literally, make a dessert of her own choice. Right now wasn't the time to play one of Alex's games. Or was it?


	6. Chapter 6

_**Dinner with a friend or a lover?**_

When they got to the apartment and Piper had shown it to Alex, she went out shopping for the dinner, leaving Alex alone to adjust to her free life.

After she had bought all of the ingredients for the food, she wandered around the mall to find something for Alex. Piper didn't know if she had any clothes, other than what she came in, so she thought it would be nice if she bought her a sweater at least.

She found a really nice one. It was a black knitted sweater, oversized to the style and Piper thought it would really complement her curves.

When she got home again, she started the massive work in the kitchen while Alex watched some TV and drank beer. Piper had refused her offers of help and had dismissed her to the living room with said drink.

She felt so lost when she tried to manage all these complicated recipes and all, but didn't give up hope on this becoming the feast of the year.

When she was finally ready with all of the exhausting food making, she went to her bedroom and quickly changed into something nicer: black skinny jeans and a white shirt that hung loose, tying her quite long hair in a sloppy, but fashionable, ponytail. After that she rushed to the kitchen to set the table and make it look cozy. She went into the living room and smiled when she saw how much Alex enjoyed watching TV of her own choice, the beer bottle already empty on the coffee-table.

She smiled and thought she might play along with Alex's game to some extent. Piper knew she would be amused by it and, it would make all of this feel like the old times.

"Dinner is ready, Miss Vause. This way." She smirked and waited for Alex to rise from the couch so she could escort her to the kitchen. The raven-haired woman just laughed softly before she stood up.

"Thank you, kind lady. I thought I was left in here to starve." She chuckled and let herself be led into the kitchen.

The table was set in a very modern way but the candle in the middle of it gave it a more classic touch. Piper showed Alex her seat and brought a bottle of white wine, pouring some in Alex's glass for her to taste.

"Excellent, it will be perfect." Alex was enjoying every bit of the game and Piper did too. She smiled.

"If Miss would be so kind and wait here while I prepare the starters." Piper had to bite down on her lip not to laugh at the show they where putting on.

"Wow, this place has really nice service. Maybe I should stay here forever." Alex arched her eyebrow at Piper and smiled her famous smug smile. Piper almost dropped the wine bottle when Alex said that, but tried to act cool and not show how thrilled she was by the comment. It would be a dream come true, but she still wasn't sure how Alex really felt about her. Would she ever be willing to go for another spin on Piper's merry-go-round? She shook it off and smiled back before she replied.

"Anything for a hot, famous lesbian." She put the wine bottle down and returned to her task on preparing the starters.

She cut up the roe cheesecake and served it. Piper had never had one before but found that it was delicious. All the flavors in contrast with each other made her mouth melt and her taste-buds do double back flips. How could she ever question Alex's good taste in food, she thought.

"Oh my God, this is heaven to the mouth. Why haven't I tried it before?" Piper exhaled and ate the rest of it slowly to savor and extend the mouth pleasures it was giving her.

"It was good. Maybe you aren't such a back cook after all." Alex's said with a mischievous smile on her lips. Piper blushed a little at the compliment but remembered that it all came from a challenge.

"Wait until you taste the dessert. It will blow your mind." Piper said in a confident way, hinting on Alex choice of dessert. She stood up and took away their plates, leaving Alex to ponder on what it would be.

After finishing the main course and two bottles of wine, they were both full and slightly intoxicated

"Admit it, you were wrong." Piper said calmly with an Alex-styled smile on her lips. The raven-haired woman just chuckled.

"Admit what? I'm never wrong." She tilted her head a bit and smirked.

"That I can cook, and, do it damn well." Piper said with a low voice she usually used in the bedroom, her eyes followed suit as well.

"And... I won the bet." She pointed at Alex who tried to hide a smile from the comments of the blonde.

"Who said it was a bet?" She was still trying to hide a smile, but didn't do a very good job with it. When Alex was drunk she liked to play these games even more than when she was sober and she would always be set on staring down her pray with a mysterious and mischievous look on her face. Despite the fact that she always sat in a corner sipping, whatever drink, she got all the girls to come to her. Like a spider in it's web.

"You smug little prick! Just admit it. I am a good cook!" Piper laughed and Alex joined in. She was really enjoying playing these games with Alex. It felt good to have someone to laugh with again. Alex understood her sense of humor and they had been through the same things.

"Oh, I'm a _prick_? You've become a really classy lady in my absent, Miss Chapman." She laughed hard and bit on her lip before she calmed down enough to continue.

"I was impressed, I'll give you that." Alex smiled a winning smile and took another sip of the wine. Piper gave up on getting a more praising compliment from her. She knew that this was as good as it would get.

They refrained from the game a while and just enjoyed the moment of silence and each others company. Piper felt warm inside and thought that this was the best moment of her life. Having Alex here and for them to just talk to each other, it was the best. Talking hadn't been a thing they had practiced so much before. As Alex had stated; they were never really friends when they were together. But now, it felt like they were becoming friends, it was a new feeling for both of them.

It felt really good getting this quality time with Alex and nothing being about sex, only in jokes. Although, she wouldn't say no to bed related playtime with her.

"It feels like we're playing house, again." Piper said as she took a sip of the red wine, staring into Alex's green-greyish eyes. The depths they held made Piper go crazy every time she had a moment to really drown in them. It was an intimate stare down, in which they both participated. If Piper was sober she would've been really afraid that she would jump off the chair and ravish her then and there, but with the alcohol in her system, she wasn't afraid of holding the raven-haired woman's gaze for as long as she had been now, and she wasn't sure if she cared about jumping Alex.

Alex took good time in replying to the statement, but didn't take her eyes off Piper.

"I do love to play." This statement was hard for Piper to interpret. When she last said that it felt like they were playing house, Alex had replied with; "Do you wanna play doctor instead?" And now she replied with this? Piper didn't know what to make of it, it was almost the same reply, wasn't it? She kept staring into Alex's eyes and pondered on what she really meant. The game they were playing made it hard for her to tell if she was having dinner with a friend or a lover. Both, she hoped.

She saw how something in Alex's eyes changed. It wasn't about her eyes becoming clouded with lust, this was something new to Piper and she was about to ask if something was wrong, but the raven-haired woman beat her to it.

"But, let's be serious." Alex sat up straighter in her chair, Piper could tell she was quite intoxicated by the way she moved. It was a bit slower than usual, but still as graceful as she was sober. She just took a bit more care in how she moved.

"Tell me, how I helped you not lose your shit in SHU. Was it because you were thinking of any specific body parts of mine?" She still had that playful look in her eyes, but it was clouded by something else. This was a serious question dressed in the fashion of their game.

Piper stared down at the wine glass and thought it was better to speak the truth this time and really answer the question. Even though she could wrap it in silk, and maybe leave out how she had not just imagined some specific body parts, but all of Alex's body. Naked. On top of her. Doing her.

She didn't want to ruin the mood, and didn't know if Alex really wanted to know about her fantasies about her.

"I... I regretted my choice and felt like a real scum of the earth for hurting you, again. I kept thinking about how I would make it all better. It made me think that there was a world beside that box of concrete and it was a better brain exercise than killer Sudoku." She smiled a bit trying to keep playing their game with the last reference.

"I'll also admit I was jealous." She didn't dare to face Alex's stare yet, but she had to. She saw that Alex stared at her with and arched eyebrow. The game was over.

"Jealous? Of what?" Piper could see how Alex was trying to figure out what she could possibly be referring to.

"Of Nicky." She had let the pig out of the bag. Piper hoped that Alex wouldn't think she was just jealous of the ecstatic brunette because she got to fuck Alex.

The raven-haired woman was quiet, but still looked at Piper, and again her face was like a wall of bricks. Only the arched brow gave away her chock of this statement. Piper wondered how she was going to save this. She thought only the truth would do, even if Alex didn't agree with her.

"But I also realized in there that I only want a life with you. Because it had been the only time in my life where I was true to myself. Larry was just some escape to safety and life isn't safe. Life will kill you, right? I mean, I didn't even tell him about us, and what we had done until the Feds showed up. I was afraid he would judge me and I guess I was scared of that side of me too." As she said all of this she looked into Alex's eyes, trying to show her that it came from her heart. It was true and not some manipulative trick to get her to bed.

"Ever since, I have embraced myself as the person I am. Not running away from myself, even if it scares me sometimes." Alex just nodded and held her gaze fixed on Piper.

"Well, I'm glad I helped you with that." After she said that she rose from her chair and went out of the kitchen. Piper sighed as she heard the bathroom door closing and the lock being turned.

When Alex went out of the kitchen Piper thought she might as well give her her present now, and dessert. But she would retort to her bedroom after she was done, to give Alex some space.

She went to her bedroom the retrieve Alex's present and laid it on the coffee-table. She walked into the kitchen and slumped down on a chair with her face in her hands. Had she really fucked it up again? Or was it never okay? Alex had said she was over it, but that could really be anything. Piper cursed herself for saying that to the other woman, even if it was true. Now she had practically said to Alex that she had hurt her for nothing else than a realization. That, was fucked up.

She brought out the dessert from the fridge, a mud cake, cut it up and brought a plate of it to the living room and went back to the kitchen to start cleaning it up.

Piper heard the other woman move from the bathroom to the living room. After a while she heard Alex unwrapping the present. She waited to see if the raven-haired woman would say something, but everything was quiet. So she decided that she would go look if she was still mad, and apologize, giving up the thought of giving the other woman some space. She really wanted to apologize.

When she entered the living room Alex stood there with a naked upper body, just about to pull on the new sweater. Piper gasped in surprise, she hadn't meant to stumble in on Alex when she changed. Just what she needed. To walk in on Alex half naked and stare at the other body in front of her when the other woman had paused from putting on her clothes. She braced herself and quickly turned around, staring was just not allowed. Not after the kitchen scene.

"Shit, sorry, didn't, I mean..." Piper shut her own mouth when she heard how silly she sounded. She could feel how her cheeks turned bright red. "Fuck, how can I untangle myself from all these fuck ups? I really am the queen of fuck ups. Great." She thought.

"You're scared of this too? I mean, it's nothing you haven't seen before." Alex said and Piper turned around and had a weird look on her face. She could hear the tone the other woman had in her voice. It was a bit harsh. She would use it when she made a serious statement like, "Did your feet swell when you went back to boys?".

"I didn't know if I could..." Piper shifted a bit where she stood.

"Stare away." Alex had a challenging look on her face and returned to pulling on the shirt and feeling how the new piece of clothing felt on her. Piper took a step forward and looked down on the floor.

"Hey... Al, I'm sorry." She still stared at the floor, but felt really silly and that she needed to apologies more accurately, but Alex cut her off.

"It's okay. You were just being honest, for once. I like that new side of you." Alex sat down on the couch and made it quite clear she didn't think there were much more to discuss on that part. Piper just stood there sheepishly and didn't know what to say. Alex sighed.

"Get yourself a plate of this good looking dessert and join me in here, kid." Alex looked for the remote and started the TV. Piper did as she was told, got a plate and sat down with Alex.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Sweet dreams, Queen Alex**_

It was a bit after midnight and Piper smiled lightly at the sight of a sleeping Alex. She never fell asleep first and most certainly not this early. She had had a job that required her attention most of the night after all, but Piper guessed that prison routines where heavily rooted in her now.

At first, Piper had seen her battle with the sleep, trying really hard to stay awake, but she had dozed of several times and now Alex had her head in her lap, fast asleep. First, she had just laid her head on the blonde's shoulder, but as soon as her body had relaxed and she dozed off, her head had fallen off Piper's shoulder. Piper had laughed at this and said that she could lay down on her lap if she wanted to. Alex had done it without a word and out of old habits, Piper had started to lightly stroke her hair. She didn't even think about it, it was just and old routine that her muscles remembered as if it was programmed in her. Alex didn't protest either, and soon she was sleeping, warm and content.

Piper didn't want to leave Alex there, she was so cute when she slept and Piper hadn't really seen much of a sleeping Alex. Only on rare occasions when she woke before her, and when that happened, she was treated with a beautiful sight: the raven-haired woman all relaxed. She was usually so stressed and always had a wrinkle on her forehead due to all the pressure she had on her.

She was getting really tired and wanted to go to bed soon but, it would break her heart to wake Alex. She got and idea. Alex had already been treated like a queen this day, so why not continue doing it?

"Al?" Piper stroked the other woman's arm to wake her. Alex grunted and turned around.

"Hey, you can't sleep here. Come with me." Alex protested again but sat up looking as sleepy as a little kid in the morning. She stared at Piper, probably half asleep, waiting for orders. The blonde stood up and reached out a helping hand to Alex, who took it and let her be dragged to Piper's bedroom. She still had her hand in Alex's as she sat her down on the bed.

"Now you can dream like a queen." Piper laughed softly and placed a soft kiss on her head before she could stop herself, but Alex just sat there looking like she was sleeping. Piper crouched down and laid her hands on the other woman's lap.

"You'll manage it from here? I won't have you sleeping in your clothes in my bed." Alex body relaxed for a second and she almost fell to the floor before she woke up from her micro-nap, grabbing the blonds shoulders for support. Piper stood up again.

"Okay, I'll help you. Raise you arms." Piper said it in a very calm and low voice.

Alex did what she was told and soon the shirt was off. Piper stole a glance of the body she knew all to well but she felt bad and looked into Alex's half opened eyes instead.

"Unbutton your pants." It looked like it was almost to much for Alex, but she managed to do that herself and stood up so that Piper could drag them off of her long, slender legs.

When her pants pooled at the floor she took a step forward to get out of them and when the blonde rose they stood with their faces inches from each others. Piper felt like she couldn't breath. She had the woman she was so hot for half naked in front of her. She froze and waited to see what the other woman would do.

Alex looked a bit more awake, but it was hard to tell in the dark room. Slowly, Alex leaned forward and made contact with Piper's soft lips. Her lips seemed more awake than her body, even though they moved gently. Piper just let her brain shut down and go with the flow. She didn't rush the kiss and let the raven-haired woman lead the way. Alex's hand tangled in her hair and pushed her gently in to the kiss. The heat of their lip-locking rushed through Piper's body and somehow her hands where now on Alex naked hips. Waves of pleasure and warmth spread trough her and her heart thumped hard against her chest. She almost thought it was going to stop beating, but then her pulse sped up as Alex moved closer and made contact with her body. The one hand that wasn't tangled in Pipers hair now rested on her cheek. At this, Piper let her hands run up Alex's toned back.

Suddenly it all stopped and Alex withdrew from the kiss, still looking as sleepy as before. Piper was left in shock, but managed to get her brain to function quite quickly and cleared her throat. She didn't know if she would pretend this didn't happened or act like it did. She decided on the former as Alex made her way to the bed.

"God night. Sleep tight." Piper said as Alex crept under the covers and seamed to be sleeping as soon as she hit the pillow. Piper backed out of the room, hoping the Alex would at least say something.

When she reached the door, Alex still hadn't said anything so Piper closed the door slowly, and just when it was going to close, Alex spoke quietly.

"Thanks for everything, Pipes. It means a lot. "


	8. Chapter 8

_**After five years**_

She was woken by her phone the next morning. It kept buzzing, loud and angry. She answered it and was told to get up and come to work. Piper hung up and groaned. Apparently her co-worker called in sick and she had to fill in on the shift. She got up from the couch, went in to the bedroom and found that Alex was still asleep.

She smiled and sat down on the edge of the queen-sized bed, which woke the raven-haired woman. Alex opened her eyes slowly and smiled when she saw Piper.

"Hey." She said in her raspy morning voice and snuggled up a bit in the cover. Piper smiled too and wanted to kiss the woman in front of her, but fought that thought away since she didn't know whether Alex remembered last night or not.

When didn't Alex look sexy? Piper thought. She really had to stop these thoughts now, or she would soon be all worked up, and more revealing, she would blush.

"God morning. Hope you had a good night." She sighed and remembered she had to get to work as quickly as she could.

"I have to go to work. There's food in the fridge and you make yourself at home when you get up." Alex sighed.

"Work sucks." Alex turned around so her back faced Piper.

"I know, but it gives me a pay check." She stood up and gathered some clothes from her wardrobe and before she got out of the room Alex laughed and spoke her mind.

"I guess it's my turn to feel like a pathetic housewife." Alex said and faced the blonde again. Piper turned around and smiled at Alex.

"Maybe, but I still cooked you dinner. I'm still the housewife and I really can't see you as one either." They both laughed.

"Yeah, that would be funny." Alex said and Piper went to the bathroom.

Before she got out of the apartment she went to Alex again.

"You can call me whenever you want. I'll leave my phone here, the number to work is programmed in it. Sorry, I have to go to work today." Piper stared at the floor.

"It's okay, kid. I can be the housewife today." She smiled and motioned for Piper to get her ass to work. As she walked out of the door, she wondered if Alex even remembered the kiss and if she would bring it up later?

_~Later that day~_

Piper unlocked her door and threw her keys on her small drawer and slipped out of her shoes. She was exhausted from work and forgot that Alex was there so she didn't shout a hello.

She casually walked into the living room and there she found Alex, almost to her surprise. Another thing surprised her even more; Alex was crying. Her glasses laid on the coffee-table, which showed she had been crying for a while. When Piper entered the room Alex tried to wipe the tears away but she couldn't stop them from coming. The blonde rushed to her side, not knowing if she was allowed to do that, but she really didn't care. She embraced Alex.

"Sh-sh, it's okay." She stroked her black hair and tried to calm her. She felt how Alex relaxed a bit under her touch and started to breath more calmly, but she still cried. Piper placed a small kiss on her head.

"It's okay, I'm here." She held the raven-haired woman tightly and she slowly rocked her from side to side in an attempt to calm her down even more. The other woman shifted and laid her head in the blondes neck and embraced her back after she had calmed down a bit. Piper whispered comforting things in Alex ear and continued to stroke her hair. Alex sighed heavily. They sat like this for a moment and the raven-haired woman calmed down even more, but suddenly Piper gasped as she felt tiny kisses on her neck wandering towards her ear. At this contact Piper tried to snake out of Alex embrace. It wasn't like she didn't want this, hell, she had waited five years for this, but since Alex were crying, and considering her reaction last night, she started to wonder if this was such a good idea. When Alex had just turned her back on Piper after the kiss Piper had seen it as a "let's never talk about this again" thing.

"Al..." But Alex didn't listen and the kisses grew more urgent and it became much harder for Piper to get out off Alex more tightening grip. The raven-haired woman nibble on her ear and an involuntary moan escaped Piper's lips.

Alex took control and laid on top of Piper. Her hands started to caress the blondes breasts through the shirt. Even though Piper felt how all this attention gather down south and she was getting wetter, it still seemed like a bad idea.

"Alex... is... is this really a, ooh... good idea?" Piper closed her eyes and had a hard time finishing the sentence as one of Alex's hands slipped under her shirt and bra. She tried to focus on this being a bad idea as all of her senses became more clouded with desire.

Alex stopped her motions and stared at Piper who opened her eyes when the she stopped. Her eyes still looked a bit puffed from crying but they still held a whole lot of determination and lust.

"Yeah." She stated simply, but Piper still squirmed under her touch and she looked even more fierce now.

"I haven't had anyone in five years. I'm going to have you now." At this statement Piper could only form her mouth into a surprised "oh" before Alex was on her lips. Piper moaned deeply when their lips made contact. At first the kiss was one-sided but then Piper woke up and started participating in the kiss. She felt like she was in a dream and thought that if it was Alex who started it, she would happily ride along. This wasn't like the kiss last night, they were both sober, and Alex was definitely more participating.

Alex hands, which were kneading her breasts, began to wander down. They now stroked Piper's stomach so gently that her abdominal muscles twitched. Piper's breath was shallow and her body seemed to pulsate and her more delicate parts screamed for some attention.

Piper let her hands roam Alex body and eventually they slipped under the knitted shirt Piper had given her. She felt how the raven-haired woman's skin got goosebumps all over it and how she began to pant into the kiss. She also felt that Alex wasn't wearing a bra. This turned her on even more than humanly possible.

Piper hadn't really had someone for five years either. It wasn't like she had tried to practice celibacy, it was just the way it had become since none of her dates had seemed interesting enough to be taken to bed. And the fact that she still loved Alex and wasn't sure somebody else could fill that emptiness in her heart, was a major part of her unintentional celibacy.

So just Alex hands, which were not even touching her more womanly parts, and her kiss, which softened when Piper's hand shifted focus, from Alex back to her breast, could send her off the edge. Alex moaned into the kiss when Piper started to give her breast some serious attention. Even so, they both seemed to slow down and do it all so much more sensually. It was like one had listened to a hard rock song and then suddenly switched to a soft ballad.

This time they didn't need to rush their actions.

Piper decided that if they were really going to have sex, they would do it in her bed and not on this tiny couch. She was done having sex with this woman in cramped up spaces, so she sat up and pulled Alex with her.

The walk to the bedroom was slow, because they kissed each other so passionately and deep it made Piper dizzy. They held onto each others faces like they thought they were going to lose one another if they didn't. Alex pressed her up against the wall, with one thigh pressed hard against her crotch. Piper moaned at the contact and started to move against it to get some friction while Alex started to remove her shirt.

Piper thought that the other woman hadn't removed any of her clothes this slow, ever. Alex's hands fondled her curves while she pushed the shirt up with them, setting Piper's skin on fire with the light touch. They didn't stop kissing, only when the shirt was about to go over her head, but as soon as her shirt was gone they resumed the kiss and continued their trip.

When they were finally in the bedroom Piper started unbuttoning Alex jeans and let her do the rest of the job as she got rid of her sweater. As soon as the garment was off, Piper's hands were on Alex's full breasts. She continued to kiss Alex as her hand worked on her soft tits, loving how they felt in her hands. It was more than she had ever dreamt of and wanted to taste them.

Alex's breath grew faster when Piper started to kiss a trail down her neck to her breasts, and took a nipple in her mouth and sucked on it slowly.

Alex let her head fall back and let a hand grasp the blond ones hair pushing her firmly against her breast. Piper enjoyed the feeling and taste of Alex's breast again and felt how she wanted all of this and she wanted it now. She stood up and started kissing Alex hard and more urgent. She dragged off her own jeans and pushed them onto her bed, now that almost all unwanted fabric was gone, straddling one of Alex's thighs. Alex hurried to unclasp Pipers bra to be able to feel her naked breasts once more. When it came off Alex flipped the two of them so that she was on top. They both gasped when their naked skin touched, but Alex quickly recovered from it and took one of Piper's nipples in her mouth and kneaded the other with her hand. Piper felt like she was going insane if she didn't get some friction where she needed it the most. She moaned loudly when Alex caressed her breast but she wanted so, so much more and the want drove her crazy.

"Please. I need you, Al." She panted and looked at the other woman with lust filled eyes.

Alex obeyed and kissed her way down south. Piper breathed heavily and tangled a hand in the black hair. When Alex reached her mound she didn't take the blonds panties off at first, instead, she placed kisses on the now soaked fabric. Piper squirmed under the teasing and didn't know how much more of this she could take.

"Al..." She felt like she was going to come just by the teasing and after five years one isn't so patience on holding back a fantastic orgasm. Piper could feel the other woman smirk against her panties before she dragged them off. Alex nibbled on the soft skin of Piper's inner thighs and left lazy kisses on her way to Pipers wet center all the while Piper was going insane with the treatment she got. Her moans were throaty and she let her hand shove Alex face to where it was needed the most.

Alex dove right into her task and she licked her all the way from her slit to her clit before she took it in her mouth. At this Piper arched her back and clutched the sheets so hard it would have to be ironed to get rid of the marks.

She almost screamed from the amazing job Alex were doing, as always. The raven-haired woman smirked and inserted two fingers in the blond while she continued to suck on her clit.

Piper moaned deeply as the waves of pleasure seemed to drown her as they kept hitting her. Alex sure had a good memory. She licked her at all the right places and her fingers kept a steady pace. She was so hot with desire that she desperately moved her hips hard against Alex's rhythm to feel even more great things. It felt like she melted into Alex touch and how the wave already closed in on her, but she tried with all of her willpower to feel this incredible feeling for just a second longer.

"F... Ooh fuck!" But she couldn't, she came hard and her whole body shivered when the wave coursed through her.

She couldn't remember the last time she came this good and felt like she could live on this orgasm for at least a month.

Alex continued to thrust her fingers in Piper, only slower and a bit softer so she could ride out the wave of the orgasm. She stopped when the blonde came down from the high and left soft kisses on her inner thigh, but she didn't stop very for long, Alex had other plans.

She was determined to make Piper come again. She wasn't really pleased that Piper had come this quick so when Piper had calmed down a bit more she started all over again, increasing the speed of her fingers. This took Piper by surprise.

"Al... N... Ooh." Piper moaned loudly and pushed her hips down hard in the bed. Alex never settled with just giving away one orgasm. She was as generous as Oprah giving away iPads, not that she gave multiple orgasm to just anyone, but the ones who got them, got a lot.

She rolled her eyes back in ecstasy as she felt how a second wave closed in on her.

When it hit her she felt how she melted and couldn't believe she came another time, but then another wave came as well. Tears flowed from her eyes. She was in heaven, in Alex-heaven.

After the fifth wave her whole body shook so much even Alex realized that it was enough, for now. When she got up she laid down beside the blonde and let one hand track lazy circles on her stomach watching the beautiful blonde recover from her orgasms.

Piper couldn't open her eyes just yet, but she smiled weakly and rolled over to her side. She opened her eyes sleepy and looked at the almost naked beauty in front of her. She had dreamed so often of this it made her heart flutter that she now had the real deal in front of her.

"Wow..." Her voice broke since her strength hadn't returned to it fullest yet and due to all the fantastic moans Alex was responsible for. Alex just smirked and stared into Piper's crystal blue eyes, but before she could really take in the beauty of the moment Piper where on top of her. Alex laughed lazily and reached up to the blondes lips. Piper was still to weak to do anything other than kiss, but she let all of her hunger spill into the kiss and let her hands feel this once familiar body while she plotted grand plans on what she would do to the gorgeous woman underneath her.

After kissing a while she felt stronger and kissed her way to Alex ear. She nibble on her earlobe and whispered in a husky voice.

"Time to return the favor..." As she said that, one of her hands began a tortuously slow and soft trip down her stomach. Alex breath caught in her throat and a small involuntary moan escaped her when the blonde ones word reached her, she tried to play it cool, but failed miserably at it.

When her hand reached Alex womanhood she cupped it gently and kissed her. The raven-haired woman's moans infiltrated the kiss as Piper's hand teased her through her panties, which were soaked, and Piper felt how this was making her even more turned on than before. Alex embraced Piper tight, silently asking the blonde with the gesture to stop teasing her.

When she felt she had teased Alex enough, even though she had wanted to hear her plead for it, she slowly removed Alex underwear. Before Piper felt her out, she broke free from the kiss and looked into the raven-haired woman's eyes. They were clouded with lust and need, which made Piper shiver and give in to Alex. First, she let one finger run along Alex wet folds, and felt how incredibly wet she was, it made Piper moan and she couldn't stop herself.

"Fuck, Al... You're... so wet..." She breathed out those words, more than pronouncing them due to her own excitement. The raven-haired woman answered her with a deep and passionate kiss letting their tongues dance together.

She started to make slow circles around Alex clit and felt how she melted underneath her, moaning deep into their kiss. Piper wanted this to take time and make sure that Alex felt safe and loved, so she didn't speed up her actions. Instead, she made them slow and more sensual.

Very gently she let two fingers enter Alex, who gasped at the contact and broke the kiss. Piper moved her fingers firmly and lovingly slow. She kept her eyes locked on Alex's, she wanted to see the whole show. Alex's face was flushed and she had a hard time keeping her eyes open, Piper on the other hand had a hard time not kissing Alex for the show she was putting on, not on purpose though. It was so hot, to feel her again, to see her face all sex-flushed and, her moans. They weren't loud, they were subtle and soft and drove Piper crazy and she could feel how her own wetness almost dripped down her thigh. She kept thrusting her fingers slowly into Alex who arched her back and started to move with the blonde's rhythm. She clung to the blond and pressed her closer, digging nails in the blonde's back, dragging them down to her ass and grabbed it, leaving red lines of fire on the blonds back. Piper moaned low in other woman's ear when she felt the lines burning. She could feel the passion burn through the lines, but not only them, but through them, both of them. They were making love, not having sex.

When she realised this she felt how a warm feeling settled in her core and it felt like she was melting in to Alex. She had never felt this near to the other woman, it was like they were moulding their bodies into one piece. It was such an overwhelming feeling to Piper, she almost forgot what she was doing, making love to Alex, but she didn't miss the rhythm too much and continued with her action.

Alex's moans got deeper and more urgent, but Piper didn't hurry her motions. She kept her pace and couldn't stand it longer, she had to kiss Alex. She brought her mouth to Alex's and softly moved her lips with the other woman while she kept thrusting slowly into the other woman.

Alex broke free from the kiss again as her moans got really throaty and loud. It was obvious that she couldn't contained them any more and as she was almost tipping over the edge. Piper could feel how her walls was tightening around her fingers.

Alex wasn't one to talk much in bed, only when she was teasing, and that applied to her moans as well. Piper had never heard her moan this loud and it turned her on even more. It felt like her whole body throbbed and was about to go up in flames.

When Alex came, a sweet moan escaped her lips, it was as if her voice had cracked and it went almost in to the high pitch range, it was sweet music to Piper's ears as she let the other woman ride out her tremendous orgasm. The blonde knew it was a really good one as a couple of tears ran down Alex's cheeks and how hard she clung to her.

Piper couldn't wipe out the smug smile that now danced on her lips, she couldn't remember when she ever made the other woman come this hard, and God, it was it a glorious show to watch. Alex's body arched back and all her muscles twitched, those sweet sound escaping her lips and how she had held Piper through it all. It was the best show she could ever watch, and she'd want to watch it a million times again.

When Alex was almost over all the fantastic feelings rushing through her body she caught the blonde's lips and kissed her slowly. It made Piper wonder it she had felt the same as she had. That this was so different from all other times they had had sex. She made a promise to herself that she would ask later if that was the case, but for now, she had other plans.

She indeed intended to return the favor and broke free from the kiss and headed down south. Alex was still a bit out of breath from her previous orgasm and the kisses Piper placed on her stomach on her way down, didn't help on stilling her intake of air.

When she came down to her goal she spread the Alex's legs more.

Before she dug in to her task, she kissed Alex soft inner thighs, driving the other woman crazy and before Piper knew it, a hand was in her hair forcing her to where she was needed the most.

She kissed Alex clit and felt how the other woman pushed her body in to her to get more contact. Alex was indeed impatient tonight, Piper thought and snickered a bit before she gave in to her own craving of tasting the other woman. She started by licking a trail to part Alex outer lips and teased her entrance with two fingers, then she took the clit in her mouth.

This time she couldn't control herself, Alex had her hand in her hair and her moans just egged her on and it was amazing. Her rhythm was faster this time around and she sucked hard on Alex sensitive bundle of nerves. The other woman kept rocking her hips and Piper could feel how her muscles twitched and her moans grew louder with every thrust of her hips. Alex hand pushed Piper hard against herself making it less hard for Piper to give her the friction she needed. The other woman begged with her whole body to be filled with more, but Piper would stand her ground, Alex would have to beg for it, even though she thoroughly enjoyed taking Alex hard and fast, like she was now, she wanted to set the scores even. So she paused for a bit, waiting for a reaction from the other as she played with her fingers around her entrance. Alex grunted out loud when Pipers mouth broke contact with her sex. But her body shivered with anticipation from the way Piper fingers swirled around her opening but after a while she realized that Piper was just teasing her.

"I swear to fucking God Pipes, if you don't just get on with it I'm gonna..." But Piper cut her off by inserting her index finger a bit deeper into Alex, but not deep enough to not be teasing any more.

"That's not the way to talk, honey. Just say what you want, and all your wishes will be granted." Piper's voice was silk-smooth and deep. As she talked she kept her head between the Alex's legs so her breath would hit her hot center. Alex inhaled sharply when Piper's breath hit her center, and she growled out loud in frustration when she didn't get her way.

"Just fuck me already." Alex tried to shove Piper's face between her legs again but Piper didn't yield. Alex gave up.

"Please, Piper. Fuck me, I need you." Alex got up on her elbows as she said this and stared into the blondes eyes. Piper didn't break their eye contact as she took her clit in her mouth again and inserted two fingers into her. When she did this, Alex threw her head back and moaned out loud, which sent shivers down Pipers body. She set on the rhythm she had earlier and it didn't take long until Alex came again. She smiled and kissed her way up to Alex's mouth. She straddled her and kissed her deep and with urgency, even though she had already had five orgasms that night she just couldn't get enough of Alex. She pushed her thigh against Alex's sex and felt how she started to grind against it, which Piper found incredibly sexy.

Alex hand started to wander down to her sex and insert two of her long and skilled fingers. Piper didn't have to do much, her hips moved on their own accord and Alex made sure she had a nice time with her thigh. They kissed passionately and moaned into each others mouths. Piper had always found this more sexy than any other thing they ever did. This way, it felt much more close and they could both watch each other get lost in ecstasy.

Alex came first, she broke the kiss and held onto Piper hard. The blonde wasn't far behind. As Piper came, Alex whispered in her ear that she loved her and kissed her.

When the both had caught their breath, Alex sat up and dragged Piper to the bathroom and step in to the shower. She started the water and pushed Piper's body close to hers. A sly smile danced on Alex's lips as she snuggled into the blonde's neck and just stood there with Piper in her arms and the water running down her body. Piper smiled and returned the embrace.

They washed each other in silence, letting only their eyes do the talking.

After they were dry they headed off to bed. Piper slipped under the cover first and motioned for Alex to get down. When she did she whispered in her ear.

"Be my little spoon?" Piper was rarely the big spoon, and was content with being the little spoon, but tonight she wanted to hold Alex. She thought that maybe Alex needed to be held sometimes as well. Alex smiled and kissed her before she turned around and let herself be held. Piper brought her close and kissed her in the neck.

"I love you too." Piper felt Alex snuggled closer and brought the blondes hand to hers and placed it on her breast. She sighed and closed her eyes and she felt truly happy for once in all these years.

She fell asleep with a smile on her lips.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: **Hey again! I'm sorry there hasn't been an update yet, but uni has been kicking my ass as well as my beat-readers' ass. Therefore, I haven't been able to upload something, since I don't want to post a chapter that hasn't been beat-read. I don't trust my writing enough yet to do that. I want to give you guys the best, so I hope you're hanging in there.

Thanks again for reading.

_**Do we still fit?**_

Piper slowly opened her eyes and saw how the sun flowed in through her bedroom window. She looked at the clock and saw that it was nine o'clock. Panic spread trough her body, but then she remembered that it was Sunday and that she didn't have to go to work today. With a lazy move she turned around and faced a sleeping raven-haired beauty. A wide smiled spread across her face as she just looked on the relaxed and sleeping face. She urged to touch her again but fought herself down and just refrained on looking on the sleeping beauty in font of her.

She took it all in, how her chest rose and fell in a clam rhythm, her body under the cover, that her eyes moved under her eyelids and Piper hoped she was dreaming a pleasant dream.

Suddenly Alex breathing became more rapid, her face changed from looking relaxed to haunted and she started to toss in her sleep. She tossed quite violently and Piper realized that she must be having a nightmare.

She grabbed Alex's arms and brought her to her side and hushed her.

"I'm here baby. It's just a dream, you're here in bed with me. You're safe." Piper tried to wake Alex by stroking her hair gently. She really didn't want to shake her awake.

"I'm here Alex, I'm not leaving you. Wake up, it's just a dream." With those words Alex's body twitched and she snapped her eyes opened and took a really deep breath. She looked really lost and was obviously very disorientated by the way she looked around in the room. Piper looked with worried eyes on Alex, who was now starting to get a grip on where she was and saw that she started to relax a bit, but she still looked really scared.

"Fuck..." Alex voice was sleep drenched so it was more raspy than usually, which Piper thought was not-from-this-planet-sexy, but Alex needed comfort now, and not comfort from sex. So Piper brought her even closer and kissed her on the forehead.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Piper placed another kiss on the other woman's forehead and waited for her reply. To her surprise, Alex just snuggled into her even more and kissed her on her neck. They laid like this for a while, naked, silent and placing random kisses on the other. Piper didn't want to push Alex since she wasn't known to share her emotions, so she patiently waited for her. They really had to talk about feelings anyway, considering the previous night and the kiss before that, but Piper didn't know what to say. All she could think of saying seemed, either inproper or just small talk and Alex didn't fly with that shit, but they had to talk about it.

"We have to talk, Al. You don't have to share your dream, but... About last night." Piper loosened her embrace a bit and backed up so she could look Alex in the eye.

"I mean, did you feel that it was different?" Piper searched Alex eyes for some answers but Alex just stared right back at her. Piper was going to say something else but the other woman beat her to it.

"You know Pipes? One thing that will never change is that I will always love you. You are that important to me and will always be." Alex bit her lip and looked away but continued.

"But prison broke us down. We are broken shards of what we used to be, kid. Do we still fit? Do are broken pieces fit? Did they ever fit...?" She trail off and looked down on her hands.

"Maybe, our pieces fit better now. I mean, I felt it. We were as one last night." Piper said and took Alex's hands in hers. She were still struck by how much feelings and emotion Alex shared with her, and struck by her own emotions. She knew she felt really strong about the other woman, but last night made her feel something she had never felt before.

"And I mean, it's not all about the sex. We can talk and act like human beings around each other now. We are more honest now and you don't have to stress about anything and you don't..." Piper was interrupted by Alex, who sat up.

"I'm broke Piper... I can't afford a place of my own. I don't have a job, I can't even get my old job back, even if I wanted to..." Alex voice broke and tears where escaping from her eyes but she furiously tried to wipe them away but new tears kept emerging, so she abandoned her mission on erasing them. Piper sat up as well.

"Hey, it's okay. You'll get a job and you're always welcome here." Piper grabbed her hands again and shuffled closer to the other woman. She braced herself and prepared for a rejection.

"Alex, I want you to live with me here. I want to be with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you're the only one I could ever imagine forever with... If you don't want that, it's okay. You can still live here until you got something of your own." Now she had laid all of her cards on the table and waited for Alex reply. Alex hung her head down.

"I don't want my old job back Pipes..." She paused and Piper thought that it was really odd how incoherent she was, like they were having two different conversations. It wasn't like Alex. Maybe she just tried to explain herself, and explain to herself what she was feeling. Because she didn't really make much sense, like she hadn't been listening to Piper at all. It almost felt like she avoided answering Piper and when she hung her head down Piper took that as a no, Alex didn't want to be with her. Piper felt how her throat tightened and she released her hands from Alex's and started to move away. But what about that part were she said she didn't want her job back? What did she mean? Piper stopped moving away from her and just looked at her, feeling really confused.

"What do you mean?" Piper stared at the raven-haired woman with tears burning in her eyes.

"I want to be with you too." As she said that she raised her head and closed the distance between them and kissed Piper softly.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm done with that life and that this is all I have left, and that is you." She took Piper hands again and looked down at them and smiled a little.

"And I'm really glad you ditched that ass, I knew you would." She laughed softly before she turned serious again.

"I saw it in your eyes, you didn't mean what you said that day. But a part of me wasn't really sure... I'm just sorry I scared you with all that bullshit talk about doing x on a beach in Cambodia. To be honest, I didn't think it would scare you. But I wanna spend life with you too. Because believe it or not, you have caught Alex Vause's heart in a glass jar. You always had it. Just be a bit more careful with it this time." Piper was so moved and relieved by Alex speech she could feel how warm tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Oh, Alex." Piper smiled and kissed her.

"But don't blame this on yourself, I was an ass. And I regretted the decision I made as soon as I realized what I had said. I'm so sorry Alex." Piper hugged her tight.

"I know, kid. Apology accepted." Alex smiled and so did Piper. The blonde laughed softly.

"And now you don't have to support us both. We'll take care of that together, unless you want to be the housewife this time around." At this they both laughed.

"Oh yeah. You'd want to see that happened, wouldn't you." Alex bit her lip and her eyes started to grow darker.

"You have some wicked fantasies, young lady. Dirty fantasies. You'd like to see me in an apron cooking you dinner, wouldn't you? I didn't think you where that perverted." As Alex said all of these things she pushed Piper down on the bed and placed herself on top of the other woman, hovering over her. Piper bit down on her lip and smirked wickedly at the thought, this was yet another game of Alex. This one she knew all the rules to and was a champion in.

It was always fun to watch that change happen and how quickly things could turn from serious to sex. All though, it wasn't always a good thing, but Piper had faith in them this time. She hoped that they wouldn't use sex as a thing to push serious matter out of the picture. Because they really rocked the world with their bed related playtime. But this time around they really needed to communicate if it was going to work out.

"Oh, I have wicked fantasies?" Piper licked her lips and felt how her whole body reacted to the image of Alex in nothing else than a really, really short apron, her hair done up pinup-style, bending over.

"But do tell me, what would you wear under that apron?" Piper said. They were still naked from last night so one of Piper's hands sneaked up to touch one of Alex's exposed breasts, but before she could get a handful of it, Alex grabbed her hand and pinned it to the bed. She did the same with the other one as well and brought her head to the blonde's ear and whispered in a sexy voice.

"You tell me what I would wear under that apron. I want to know all of your dirty little secrets." As she said this she brought her thigh up to Piper's sex and added more pressure as she spoke. Piper gasped at the contact and felt how she was getting wetter and how the need of a release was building in her. She started to slowly move her hips against the Alex's thigh. Alex kissed her neck softly and grabbed her wrist's with one hand so she could do magic with the other. She moved her head so that she could stare into Piper's blue eyes and started to move her hand down and grabbed the blondes breast, massaging it softly. Piper moaned at the contact and started to move a bit faster against Alex's leg. She kept staring into the raven-haired woman's eyes and bit her lip. Alex didn't back down from their staring contest but challenged Piper to keep it up when her hand started to travel down her stomach painfully slow. The blondes eyes fluttered and tried to reach up for the raven-haired woman's lips. Alex just smirked and pulled away a bit and kept their eyes locked as her hand reached it's goal. She started to make slow circles around Piper's clit. When she felt how wet the blondes was she moaned out low and deep. She did this mainly because she wanted to tease Piper but also because it was such a turn on to feel the effect she had on the other. The blonde squirmed and pushed herself down in the mattress...

After their love-making session they just spooned. Letting the silence do the talking.

She thought of what Alex had said earlier: That they were broken pieces. She thought of it to be odd. Maybe they had been, but it didn't feel like that anymore. It felt like she was 23 and as if she had fallen in love with this woman all over again. It felt like it was supposed to feel and this time around, everything was legit. No more crimes and things to hide from the other. She couldn't feel more invincible. A huge smile settled on her face as she turned around and faced the other woman. She cupped Alex's face and gently stroked her jawline with her thumb. They locked eyes with each other and Piper saw how a smile grew on Alex's face, it reached her eyes as well. The blonde felt how a warm feeling spread through her and thought of it as pure love. She leaned in for a kiss before she gently spoke.

"Al, we're not broken anymore. We're mending each other. We're becoming one piece. One piece of two broken shards. Our broken pieces fitted better and now, they're as one." Piper smiled and kissed Alex deeply. It felt like nothing in this world could take her down from this high.

Alex was back in Piper's heart and filled the hole that had existed there. She filled it to its breaking point and then some more.

"You have my heart as well." Piper said and closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Alex's body.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: **Hey guys. I'm really sorry it took so long, but I have been really busy at school. But here it is. I may be a bit busy for a while, but I have like the following chapter almost done so. It shouldn't take too long, I won't promise anything though.

Thanks for reading! Love always.

_**Hope is a dangerous thing**_

As they laid in bed, embracing one another, silence wrapped itself around them, cradling them in a cocoon of comfort. A kind of silence that needed not actions to make the air breathable.

Piper's body had ignited again when her request had been met; Alex would stay and be with her.

It felt like she was finally breathing and like the air was touching her skin again.

Now, when they laid in the still of the moment, joy ran through every fiber of her body. Even if it was as simple as lying down in a bed, while the sun lit and warmed the room, holding her love in her arms, stroking the skin of the other with tender hands. As simple as getting her skin tenderly touched, meeting eyes that didn't waver, light smiles playing in both of their eyes as the sun rose higher. Just this simple existing was enough, for once in Pipers life.

Even if it was enough, thoughts swirled in her head, it could never seem to stand still. They came and went, but didn't settled long enough for Piper to care.

Then, her thoughts seem to agree on one thing; This wouldn't be a smooth ride. Things were yet do to be discussed and words to be yelled at each other. There would be fighting. She swatted those thoughts away, not wanting them to cloud her mind at a time like this, when she had finally gotten what she wanted.

Even so, a little voice whispered in her head that, when there is light, a little darkness must come. She killed the consciousness with her own words, saying that she would be equipped this time, guided by a light at the end of the tunnel. The sword ready in her hand. Her weapon of choice would be the truth. She was ready and wouldn't run at the first sight of danger.

Alex was the first to break through the comfort that the silence had encradled them in. It wasn't really with words rather than her stomach telling them that it was time to move to the part of the house that held food.

Clothes came on and they moved to the kitchen in search of something edible. They found some eggs and bacon, like a good breakfast should include. Alex was pleased and offered to make it into a dish.

While the apartment started to ooze of bacon, Piper called her boss.

After seeing Alex toss in her sleep, she realized she needed to be there for her while she was adjusting to her freedom.

Piper had never seen something like it. She could only imagine how vivid the dreams must be to have created that reaction. Alex never used talked in her sleep, not that she was aware of. When she was dreaming now, her voice was quite clear and it was like Alex was elsewhere but her body was left in bed with strings attached to it, moving it, but also restraining her from taking full action towards her shadowy enemies.

It wasn't just about her dreams though, to step into the world after not seeing it for a couple of years was like trying to swim before you've learned how. The world was cold at times and didn't stop to take a single individual in consideration. It kept moving, how much one begged for it to stop, like when one is too drunk and everything is spinning out of control and all one can do is hope someone is there to hold ones hand through it all. Piper would stretch out her hand this time, like she hadn't all those years ago, even if she fought hard with her heart to stretch out her hand to Alex then. She just couldn't at the time, it felt to dangerous and her head had slowly won over her heart in that debate and was set before the horrible news came. She just couldn't stay, even if she almost had.

Piper wasn't sure how much time Alex had spent away from the world locked up in prison, behind beige walls and slow routines. Living in a fishbowl with the tiniest insight in what happened in the world beyond those dirty walls. It had to be at least five years, and a lot happens in that amount of time. There were many new thing to maneuver around and having a hand to guide one through the jungle of things that were new would be nice, Piper thought.

The thought of being away from Alex made Piper's stomach twist and turn into knots, almost leaving her in a cold sweat. That was yet another reason to take a week off. She wasn't ready to be apart from Alex now that she finally had her back. Deep inside she found herself worrying that she would come home one day and found out that Alex was leaving her. She hated herself for having the thought, she couldn't doubt this. If she did, it would fall, she was sure of it.

After the matter was settled with her boss, Piper hung up. She kept the conversation low. Alex hated when people pitied her, it'd probably not changed. It was a strong characteristic feature Alex had. She always wanted to feel in control, like she could take down the whole world with one blow.

A strong characteristic Piper had was that she tried to avoid conflicts for as long as possible. She silently cursed herself for yet again walking around on eggshells, like she was avoiding bombs in a war. She couldn't worry about conflicts anymore, she had to stand proud and with a straight posture in an incoming war, letting the bombs fall around her. There would be disagreements, and had to be. Besides, Alex said she liked the honest Piper, and she felt like she owned Alex everything she liked.

Piper entered the kitchen and Alex looked up from her cooking. She was currently frying both bacon and a bright yellow omelet.

"What was that about?" Alex looked curious and her entire focus was on Piper.

"I called my boss and asked for the whole week off." Piper said simply and watch how Alex's facial expression changed. It went from curious to a stern and cold look. If one looked closely, one could see how her iris's almost turned to ice. Piper steeled herself.

"Why? I'm fine by my own, you know. And you need the money, right?" Alex said before she turned her attention to the food on the stove.

Piper sighed, and walked up to Alex and put her arms around the others waist. She wouldn't let Alex win this. She could really care less if Alex became pissed at her, she was doing this for her.

"I want to help you. I saw how you tossed in your sleep and I know how hard it is to adjust to the freedom you are so suddenly given. I want to be there for you like I wasn't all those years ago." Piper felt how Alex stiffened a bit under her touch.

"I don't need help. Like I said. I'm fine and if you need the money, then go and work." Alex said as she poked on the bacon that was slowly being cocked to perfection. Piper didn't need to see the others facial expression. She could hear the stern tone in the voice and found a look in her head that matched it.

"I know you can do fine on your own, but Al..." Piper was interrupted by Alex, who turned around and stared at her with a calm but quite pissed of look. She freed herself from the blondes embrace.

"Piper, I don't need a babysitter." Alex said plainly.

"Look. You don't have to like it, but I want to do this for you. Not because I feel sorry for you or that I think that you aren't capable of coping on you own" Piper enclosed the space between them, trying vary hard not to let her temper take over.

"Let me do this for you." Piper said and stared into the other set of eyes, which softened a bit but she didn't get a reply from Alex.

"And don't worry about the income. I have saved up some money, and I still have PoPi. I work on that with Polly when I have time. She makes the products and I set deals. We still haven't made it in to Barneys but we're getting there. I'm working on a deal right now, so no need to worry." Piper said and stroked Alex's arms gently, hoping that the other would just accept her offer.

"Please, Alex. Let me do this. If not only for the company, and I'm not going to follow you around like a hawk. But please, let me." Piper tried hard not to let the sad puppy-eyes look show, that wouldn't help matters much. Alex sighed and fiddled with her glasses but didn't look Piper in the eyes when she finally answered.

"Okay, but you don't have to." Alex then returned to the cooking. Piper sighed and turned Alex around and brushed a way a strand hair out of the her face. It didn't feel good the way they had ended the conversation. She heard that Alex still had some what of a sour tone in her reply. Piper leaned in and kissed her softly, and Alex returned it just as softly but just stood there. Piper began to stroke the naked skin under Alex's shirt hoping that the small gesture would calm and tell her that it all was okay. Piper felt like there was no other way of telling this. Seldom was words the way to got with Alex. She fought to well with them.

Since the first look they had ever shared, matters were settled in utter most quiet or in the bedroom, letting their action speak louder than their words. One could almost say it was some sort of telepathic communication.

Silence is a flawed thing, words can cause flaws but, to not communicate in words leads to interpretations that do not always match the actions or intentions of spoken words, and here she was doing it all over again. It just felt to good to not do it in the current situation. They were to familiar with that way of handling things to not fall back there again.

As always, Alex took the lead and finally wrapped her arms around the blonde. She kissed her way down Piper's neck and whispered against Piper's skin.

"It feels so good to have you again." Piper clutched her arms tighter around Alex's body and shivered from the kisses and her words. It may have been a slip, but it warmed Piper to her core, considering that they just had a small fight of some kind, she wasn't sure what to call it, but at that moment, it didn't matter.

The feelings crept down her spine and tickled her nerves. The kisses were lighter than a feather caressing her skin, which caused her nerves to restrain against her skin to feel the contact of the others lips closer to them.

"I can only say the same." Piper stumbled upon her words as her minds entered another state. A state in which cohesive thoughts were repressed and couldn't get their message to reach the receiver. Piper could care less about the food on the stove as she felt a set of hands travel down her body and groping her ass. Alex playfully bit down on the skin of her neck as her hands squeezed Piper's ass firmly. It seemed like both of them had forgot the primitive need of food as another need took over.

A whiff of air escaped Piper's lips as Alex continued to caress her skin with both her teeth and lips. Piper found that those lips weren't where they were supposed to be; on her set of lips. She grabbed the black hair of the other and pulled on it until the other set of lips were on hers. It was a rough kiss, displaying the core of their need.

Piper was about to lift the others shirt when her stomach protested, deciding that it was no longer going to wait to be fed. When the sound reached Alex's ears she couldn't help but laughed at it. A primitive instinct that got in the way of another. Alex turned around and saw to getting their food edible. Piper sighed at the lost of contact but couldn't help to smile. Her actions had most definitely cheered up the raven-haired woman.

During the meal, Piper briefly told Alex that writing and visiting Nicky had helped her when she first got out. Even though it felt like she was falling out of an airplane without a parachute every time she set her foot in there. So whenever she entered the prison, she kept chanting in her mind that she was just visiting and that nobody could put her in handcuffs in there. She was free and it was good to see a face that wasn't judging her.

Alex sat in silence while Piper talked, seemingly uncomfortable listening to what was said judging by the wrinkle on her forehead. Piper tried not to think about it too much. She thought that it would be good for Alex to be reassured about her new life without using cliché statements like "It's going to be fine". Those words would most likely provoke another fight and make Alex shut Piper out.

When all the food was consumed, they still sat at the table. Alex looked down on the plate, seeming to consider something.

"Why haven't you dated someone?" Alex looked straight into Pipers eyes. They looked like a beautiful sunny spring day that hasn't got the warmth that summer has, like something was missing. Piper was a bit surprised at the question. Piper vaguely remembered that morning when she told Alex she hadn't had anyone new during the five years they spent apart. Still, it surprised her that Alex brought it up, why was it important really.

"Nothing could compare to what we had, or you. I was still in love with you. I tried to deny it, but at some point I could no longer run from it. Besides, they all seemed so dull and uninteresting." Piper smiled a bit and Alex snorted, a bit of warmth returned in her eyes.

"You're such a snob when it comes to dating. I can't really see how I passed through all of your criteria. You sassy WASP." A weak smirk appeared on Alex's face as she arched an eyebrow and waited for the blonde to reply. Piper just smiled at this, considering what she would reply with.

"You set all of my standards. Don't flatter yourself honey, but you're sexy and you know it. Why do you think I fell for you at first? You radiate confidence and it's such a fucking turn on. Besides, I like hot people. You're lesbian catnip, and you know and love it. I'm just amazed that _I_ caught your attention." It may not have been the most adequate thing to reply with, but right now she wanted to laugh, and for Alex to laugh with her. Ego-boosts and flatter would always work on Alex. It always brought out the playful side of her. Piper smirked a bit as Alex chuckled at her statement.

"Hm, yeah I guess I am." She chuckled a bit more before she calmed down and thought of Piper's other statement.

"Well, I can never resist a girl that looks as innocent as you do. Those Bambi-eyes of yours, you know? And If I'm being really honest, I thought you would just be another sweet girl to take to bed, but when I saw your eyes, they showed me something else; That Bambi was just for show. You could play dirty and wouldn't shy away and then, I experienced you in bed." At this they both laughed before the raven-haired woman continued.

"You wanted to rebel. I saw girls like that all the time, but your combination was extraordinary. You're all the things I need in a woman." Alex lifted her empty juice glass to a cheer and snickered as Piper followed suit.

Silence once again settled between them. This allowed Piper's head to go into overload again. There were so many things she wished to ask Alex, but all of these questions seemed to be too soon to ask. As Piper wandered away in her thoughts a question slipped between her lips before she couldn't really analyze what she said.

"How did you manage the new prison?" Piper bit down on her tongue and cautiously waited for the reply. Alex sighed and looked away, out into dead space, seeming to consider what would best answer the blondes question at the moment.

"I couldn't mange to get myself to interact that much with other people there. I had a bad heartache..." Piper looked down on her plate empty, feeling how the line of words hit her right in the stomach. Stillness settled between them before Alex voice once again resonated in the air.

"So, I mostly stayed to myself and practically lived in the library. I even got to work there. It was way better than the fucking laundry at Litchfield. I worked mostly alone and didn't do something I hated. It helped me." Alex said and Piper could only nod and hoped that Alex would share more of her time there.

"Nicky wrote to me as well." This took Piper by surprise and she looked up from her plate and onto Alex, which eyes still stared out into the air. Nicky hadn't ever said a thing about sending Alex letters. She only told Piper that Alex had sent that one letter last time she visited the brunette. Piper furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"She would write about your visits. She said that you talked about me a lot at first, but then you stopped. She told me how you looked while you talked about me." Alex brought a hand up to her face and fiddled a bit with her glasses.

"But Nicky said you hadn't sent her anything besides that last letter." Piper said, still slightly confused.

"I sent two letters to her. The first saying that I needed to be alone for a while, but that I would like for her to keep sending me letters if she felt up for it. And she did. She saw that you still loved me, and thought it might me good for me to hear that, either because I would enjoy that you suffered or she really knew that I could never stop loving you." Alex's eye's hadn't moved one bit.

"But when you stopped talking about me she took it as you had met someone or got back with Larry." Alex paused for a bit and brought her eyes down to the table, looking like she relived every event she told.

"After I read that letter, I cried at night for weeks. But somehow I never lost my hope, and I knew you would pick me up when I got out of prison, even if you were married to him. And I'd take it from there." Alex's eyes finally met Piper's. They looked a bit blank but not so sad as her memories sounded to be.

Piper felt like every bone in her body broke when she heard that Alex had cried from reading a letter. How simple words had caused her pain and left her thinking that Piper was happily married and didn't love her, when in reality, Piper loved her more than anything sane on this planet.

How much more pain would she make her loved one feel? She felt how the self hatred burned in her, making her body seem hollow and heavy. She had caused so much pain and even if Alex said she had forgiven her, she wasn't sure she could ever forgive herself. It felt like a too big of a task.

Piper tried to push all of these thoughts away, but they kept crushing through her defense. Pushing words out of her mouth, that couldn't make any of this better, but still they came. Flooding out of her, as she always wanted to explain herself, it made her feel better.

"I'm so fucking sorry Alex. I was so broken then, at Litchfield, but I didn't realize it. And all I could worry about was what other people thought of me. I just had to be this perfect blonde girl other people thought I was and wanted me to be. It was so important to me, but it isn't anymore. All I want for myself is to be happy, and I am with you." Piper felt how tears started to streamed down her cheeks, tickling her skin as they softly fell. She still felt like she hadn't explained everything yet, but as she ransacked her mind, she couldn't find words that would be sufficient enough. So she just babbled on, like she did when words weren't enough.

"Why was I so lost? I don't know, and I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for doing that to you. How could you forgive me for doing it? A second time as well?" Piper stared at her as more tears caressed her cheeks, dragged down by gravity, the way Piper's reality seemed to be going, down. Even though she had what she had wanted for so long, right infront of her.

Alex took a deep breath and just stared at her with soft eyes.

"I know, and it was hard. But when you forgive someone, you do it even if it still hurts sometimes." Alex looked at her with soft eyes. Eyes that was warm again, but Piper couldn't feel the warmth the eyes held. The words hit her right in the stomach. _"Even if it still hurts sometimes." _She was still hurting, Piper thought but Alex interrupted her.

"You know, I kept replaying that scene in the library over and over again. I just didn't get it. You said you loved me. But what you said before that hit me harder and I wasn't paying attention to your eyes. Your eyes never lie, Pipes. And I realized that you meant those words only. I lived on those three words while I was locked up. That and the fantastic library they had. It soothed all of my wounds. But yeah, it hurt like hell that you felt like you had to push me away again." Alex walked over to her and brought her up to embrace her. Letting the silence cradled Piper into a calmer state of mind before she softly spoke.

"I get that it is hard to hear, but we have to be able to tell each other things like this." Alex wiped away some tears as she said that. Piper couldn't bare herself to look into Alex's eyes. She felt like she didn't deserve her and yet again, her head shifted in to overload with negative thoughts, but she felt calmer and pondered on what Alex whole dialog with her had contained. Before she could over analyze things, Alex interrupted her line of thoughts.

"It may sound cheesy and hard to believe but I had hope, hope in us. I always seem to take you away." Alex smiled a bit as she said this and brought Piper to look at her. Piper stared in awe at Alex. What she had gone through and yet she could manage to have hope? The worst possible thing one could have in prison, as her former bunkie had once said.

"You know, Miss Claudette once told me that hope is a dangerous feeling to have in prison. I can't believe how strong you've been and I'm really glad you had hope in us." Piper said and rested her head on Alex's chest, letting the warmth of the embrace chase away all self doubt and bad thoughts.

"I know, but I only did what we should have done from the beginning. Trust each other and have faith in us. Because, look how right I was." Alex smirked a bit and kissed the blonde. Piper smiled into the kiss before she broke it and made eye contact with her.

"You make me brave Alex. I just forgot it." Piper smiled a bit and kissed her again. It felt nice how just a kiss could smooth over all bad feelings. Maybe it was dangerous to swipe it all under the rug, but right now, she allowed herself to do just that.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:** Sorry for the wait! Uni is kicking my ass equally hard as before... So there might be mistakes that I haven't noticed before, so sorry in advance for them.

But anyway, I wanted to give you guys this, as summer is coming and you guys just make me happy! Thank you for that!

As the title suggest, it gets naked and intimate in this chapter. Smut is happening.

I also think you should listen to the song that is mentioned later in this chapter, just to add to the mindset. It may be a bit cheesy, but I thought it suited them on some level. Just listen to the lyrics, it'll make sens, I hope.

Thanks for reading. Love always.

_**Strip poker**_

Sunday passed by quite uneventful. They just hung out and walked around the streets holding hands, to Pipers joy. She showed Alex some local shops, but mainly they just walked around. Piper wanted Alex to feel free that day, not having to be somewhere or do something special, just wander free.

They ended up on the beach where Piper had sat a few days ago missing her heart out, missing the one person that now sat beside her.

They watched the sun make its way down. How the clouds gathered, painted by the descending sun that set the sky on fire with color.

A few tears escaped from Alex's eyes when they sat there in silence. She tried to hide them and Piper let her, giving her some space to breath. Piper didn't want Alex to feel like she was up in her face all the time, and one should be allowed to be sad sometimes, without somebody saying that it was going to be okay. Sometimes it just wouldn't, time does some healing, but broken things are always broken.

She did lean into Alex and show her that way that she was there for her.

Not many words passed between them on the walk home. Alex seemed so far away in her mind and Piper wanted to ask her what was bothering her, but felt like she had asked enough hard questions for the day.

After a simple dinner and wine, they played some scrabble as the evening grew darker.

During the second game, Piper saw how Alex started to drift of in her mind again, so she led her to the bed and started undressing her, much like she had done a couple of nights ago.

That night, Piper just let Alex sleep. Her heart ached when she saw how drained Alex really were after years in prison. Usually, Alex had no trouble living on four or five hours of sleep, now though, she slept for ten hours straight. Piper, though, had trouble sleeping that night. Mostly because she was worried for Alex and felt better watching her, making sure nothing bad happened, until sleep finally took over.

After a late breakfast on Monday, Alex headed out, leaving Piper behind with only her thoughts and work to do. Piper had wanted to go with her, but Alex had declined her offer, and as it felt like things were fragile as it was, considering the day before, Piper gave in to her wish.

She got that Alex wanted to feel independent, but it still stung that she wasn't with her at the moment. It was a childish thought and she felt even worse for thinking it. Of course Alex needed space. Things had moved quickly between them, even if they both liked to pursuit life in high speed. This was, however, a more complicated situation and not some high speed life-walkthrough. Alex hadn't seen the world in a long time and she liked adventure and being in control. It may not have been about the adventure, but everyone needs space and like Alex said before, she didn't want a babysitter.

Alex had left ten minutes earlier and Piper found herself on the couch just staring into thin air as her mind became her current world. Her body felt heavy, like her limbs were numb, like gravity was pulling on her more strongly in that moment. Breathing seemed like a privilege she was slowly losing as her thoughts swirled into dark places.

She imagined Alex visiting some dark alley where she met someone from the cartel. They stood there, planning to get her back into the drug-ring.

She could see the scene clearly before her, as if she was an observer at the actual location. It felt like a real betrayal, like Alex were getting her hands dirty again. Something she had promised to never do again.

Then her thoughts shifted and she could see Alex being arrested by the police and yet again being ripped from her side. All Piper could see was Alex's cold eyes as she was dragged to a car of some sort. Her eyes didn't carry any regret, no regret that she was leaving Piper behind, she thought. Piper's breathing certificate was out. There was no more air to fill her lungs. These thoughts triggered even worse ones like gun threats, torture and the like.

After a while, she felt tears hitting her hands, positioned in her lap. The tears woke her more logical side up from the dark world she had created. It told her not to go there again and that she had to listen to what Alex told her. Alex wouldn't run back to crime, and Piper wouldn't run on the first sign of difficulty. They had to trust each other.

She sighed and tried to shake off the feelings but couldn't, so instead of just sitting and letting herself fall deeper down into darkness, she buried herself in her work. Letting another task wash away any other feeling.

Piper was good at keeping herself distracted. She would just keep herself moving so fast that her feelings couldn't catch up with her. Eventually though, everything catches up with one, but Piper just wasn't good at dealing with her emotions. She would rather shut it out in any way possible.

When she had to deal with them, she became introvert and tried to analyze them, finding the core of it all and trying to untangle everything. Way more often than not, when she came to that point, it all escalated beyond her control and she was left with mere shards of the situation, cutting herself on the shards in her attempt to clean it up.

Like when she left Alex the first time. At that time it had felt like her life had depended on that choice, but when she came back to the states, she became introvert and tried to explain to herself why she'd have to do it. She drenched some of her feelings with alcohol when her brain wouldn't stop imagine were Alex where. Hoping that the alcohol would make sense of it all.

She spent many sleepless nights, inconsolable, crying her heart out and hating herself for what she had done.

Piper shook her head once again trying to shake it all off, dug deeper into her work and waited for the raven-haired woman to arrive back to the apartment.

Later in the evening Alex come home with a large amount of bags, looking happy. Maybe it was the feeling of being independent again and doing whatever she felt like or just the happiness that new clothes brought. Piper didn't really care what it was, she was just glad something had put a smile on Alex's face, a smile that reached her eyes as well.

Piper smiled at this and greeted her with a kiss at the door and took her newly purchased clothes into the bedroom. Alex came up behind her and nuzzled her face into Piper's hair. The blonde always became week in her knees when Alex did that. Even if her hair wasn't newly washed and it had a night playing in bed in it, Alex always did that. Collecting how it smelled and seemed to cherish it. Piper leaned against her and smiled. It felt good to have her back in her arms, even if they hadn't been separated for that long.

Alex brought Piper even closer in to her embrace.

"You bought all of this?" Piper asked.

"No, just some of it. I went across town to pick up some that my aunt had kept. I went to the bank as well, to pick up some money and get a credit card." Alex said and placed a kiss on Piper's neck.

"That's nice. You've been productive." Piper said as she took Alex's hands in hers and just let the embrace resonate in her body.

"What do you want to do now, before dinner?" Piper mouth formed a grin, that somewhat hinted on what she would like to do. It was silly, but she wanted Alex's touch to chase away all of her earlier thoughts.

"I want to make up for lost time. Just lay in bed or watch a movie. Maybe play some poker. Hm, yeah that sounds awesome. You do know which type I prefer, right?" Piper could feel her smirk against her neck and her own grin grew as well. Many rainy days had been spent inside of a hotel room playing that specific kind of poker. She turned in her embrace and bit her lip playfully.

"You sure? You know how I play." Piper smiled playfully and brought her hands under the raven-haired woman's shirt and stroked the naked skin underneath.

"I'd love that." Alex said in her deep voice as she smirked and pushed the blonde down on the bed as she kissed her with hunger. Piper smiled into the kiss and removed the other's shirt. Alex stopped and shook her head while Piper winced from the loss of contact.

"Uh-uh. You can't remove my clothes yet. I haven't lost a hand. Besides, you really suck at poker. So no cheating just to get me naked!" Alex removed herself from Piper and chuckled slightly.

"Or you suck on purpose. Sucking on purpose is cheating too, you know. Even if I know you love to get naked in front of me." Alex smirked, picked up her shirt and put it on again. Piper crossed her arms over her chest and pouted like a displeased child. The raven-haired woman laughed and placed herself on top of her again.

"You know the rules. For every lost hand, a piece of clothing goes, and a shot of tequila as well." Alex smirked and pressed her body down on the blonde. Piper bit her lip and pressed against her, trying to get some friction. Alex smiled and bent down to kiss Piper, but when her lips brushed against the raven-haired woman's lips, she withdrew and smirked wickedly while she got up from the bed.

Alex went out of the bedroom to get the liquor and a deck of cards. Piper groaned and voiced her frustration.

"You're such a tease!" Piper shouted, which only made Alex laugh.

"You haven't seen nothing yet." The raven-haired woman replied with laughter in her voice.

"Fuck you!" Piper sighed, but then a brilliant idea shot through her mind. She would give Alex a run for her money. She may suck at card games but she had a few tricks up her sleeve.

She quickly rose from the bed and darted to her wardrobe, grabbed some clothes and started to dress in layers so it wasn't so obvious what she was doing.

Piper put on two bras, it looked ridiculous but Alex would laugh when she discovered it, which made it worth the ridiculousness. She was careful though, as she dressed in stress not to let it show she had so much clothes on. She really had no choice but to only add a second sweater underneath her current one. It would be to obvious if she had two pair of pants on, so she discarded the second pair and just ended up with a second sweater and another bra. It had to do.

After a while she heard the raven-haired woman approach the bedroom and she placed herself on the bed again, looking as innocent as a little child who had just stolen cookies. When Alex entered the room she raised an eyebrow at the blondes facial expression. Piper just kept looking all innocent and patted on the bed, implying her to take her seat to let the game begin.

Piper lost the first hand and removed a sock to begin with. Alex just shook her head and laughed.

"Someone's a bit out of shape." She said as she poured the blonde a shot to down.

Piper winced at the taste of the liquor but smiled.

"I'm just starting of slow. You haven't seen nothing yet." She grinned and took the cards to deal, leaving Alex to suck on her own reply.

A few rounds in, in which Alex hadn't lost one hand, Piper started to feel the effect of the alcoholic beverage. Alex had taken some sympathetic shots. Piper had laughed at that, she knew the raven-haired woman just wanted to get drunk and since Piper really sucked at card games she would get drunk first.

After loosing another set of rounds, she had to remove her second shirt. When it was off, Alex saw that she wore two sets of bras and threw her head back in her delightful and characteristic laughter.

When she stopped laughing, she put down the deck of cards and moved over the bed towards Piper. A look of mischief played in her eyes, Piper knew that the game was over and that she had lost big time.

"Hm, what did we say about cheating in this game?" Alex purred as she slowly removed one of the bras and placed feathery kisses along her collarbone. Piper grabbed the black hair in her hand and gasped at the touch of lips against her naked skin. She tried to get her head back from the amazing feeling and quickly made up the best comeback she could produce in her half-drunken state.

"I'm not cheating." Piper said, cursing herself for coming up with such a lame remark, as Alex advanced and pushed her down on her back. The raven-haired woman just chuckled and kissed her neck and leaned in to her ear.

"You didn't? So your tits were just cold?" Alex voice dripped of sarcasm and amusement as she continued.

"I personally think that two sets of bras is cheating, unless you're still in seventh grade..." Alex said as she bit down on her earlobe and slowly slide one of her hands down the blonde's stomach. Piper pushed her hips down in the mattress and breathed in sharply. Her brain froze as need grew in her, making it nearly impossible to say something that would classify as an educated response, when Alex pressed down on her.

"You think I'm cheating? You're still in your clothes. I think that's cheating." Piper said as she tugged on the hem of Alex's shirt, caring less that it was a lame comeback.

"We may have different definitions of cheating here, but you would've lost any way. Even so, the rules says, if one is cheating, or has lost the game, the winner can do what ever she feels like to the other." Alex said and kissed her neck.

"And you did both, so you'll have to do what I say. Just remember our safe word, tequila." Alex said and smirked. Piper just nodded, not able to form words as lust took over her brain.

Piper knew she wouldn't need the safe word. Seldom did Alex do something she wasn't comfortable with, but it was always good to have so both of them could relax and just enjoy their sex.

Alex smirked against her neck and rose from the bed. Piper winced and furrowed her eyebrows as she looked on the raven-haired woman and raised herself onto her elbows. Alex turned around and wiggled her finger at Piper.

"You just lay there. Remember, you have to do as I tell you." Alex smirked at this and started to slowly and seductively remove her shirt. Her eyes never left the blonde one's as she stripped. Piper let her gaze roam shamelessly over Alex's body as she freed it from clothes.

Piper's eyes grew darker when the raven-haired woman was finally naked, who smirked at the look she got and motioned with her finger for Piper to come to her.

Piper got of the bed and enclosed the space between them and tried to embraced Alex, but the raven-haired woman just shook her head before she leaned in to Piper's ear and whispered in a low and husky voice.

"Now, you, strip for me." Alex said and placed herself on the bed, pooped up on her elbows, giving the blonde one a pretty good view of her body. Piper bit down on her lip and started to slowly move her hips to an imaginary beat only she could hear in her head.

It wasn't really much to work with. She only had her bra and panties left. She turned her back to Alex and removed her bra while she kept swaying her hips. Her hands roamed her own body as they made their way the waistband of her panties. Feeling Alex's eyes burn holes through her body she tried to do it more slowly. She wanted to built up some tension, make Alex wait a bit to claim her price.

A devilish thought entered her head as her panties dropped to the ground. She wanted to turn the tables, make Alex moan loud and beg. Piper hoped that she could surprise her as she turned around and danced her way to Alex. She motioned for her to sit on the edge of the bed. Piper then straddled her lap, still swaying her hips. She would give Alex a real striptease. Her mind was racing as she tried to come up with a good way of executing her devilish plan.

Alex bit down on her lip and her eyes grew darker as her hands caressed Piper's perky breasts.

Piper kept swaying her hips and was so occupied by not loosing her balance, making plans and drowning in the other pair of eyes, that she was completely taken by surprise when she felt Alex's hand on her sex. She gasped as she felt long fingers stroke her wet folds. A wide smirked appeared on Alex's face when she saw the look of surprise on Piper's face.

Piper's heart was beating hard and fast at the raven-haired woman's touch. She bent forward and kissed Alex hard and desperate as her hands grasped the black hair. All of her thoughts about teasing the shit out of the raven-haired woman disappeared when she felt fingers enter her. Alex then lifted her up and laid her down on her back. Piper never let go of the other ones hair and forced her up to her mouth. She wasn't going to obey that easily.

Alex followed Piper's lead and pressed her mouth eagerly against hers as her fingers started to move inside the blonde. Hard and slowly. It had become something else than a power game, it had become a display of pure want, and who was dominant wasn't important anymore. Piper was too devoted to lust at the moment to care that Alex still held the control.

Piper kissed Alex more fiercely and moaned into the kiss. She felt how another finger entered her. Piper groaned and broke the kiss to get some air. It felt so good, too good. She needed to find the ground because it felt like she was floating, she needed to find something solid to hold on to. Just then Alex hit the sweet spot inside her, and she felt Alex's thumb rubbed her clit. She arched her back and moaned out loud as she clutched Alex hard against herself as she felt how she was closing in on the edge. Her whole body felt like a violin string, taut to it's breaking point, vibrating along with Alex's touch, making music out of her body.

She was so close as Alex increased her movements, making them less rough. She voiced her oncoming pleasures loud, not caring if anybody but Alex heard her. Just then, the fingers curled up and hit that one spot that drove her further than any other would. It came sudden, and she did as well. It was hard and fast, making her cling to Alex in any way she could as the heavenly wave vibrated through her.

"I love how you get all wild when you're drunk, babe." Alex whispered in Piper's ear as her orgasm rocked her body. Piper tried to catch her breath.

"I make you... wild when I'm drunk." Piper slurred as she was still trying to control her body. She had her eyes closed has she felt the blood that pumped hard through her body.

When her senses came down from being hyper to a more normal state she looked into the others eyes.

"Mm, what a losers price." She smiled wickedly and kissed Alex.

"Wonder what the winner is getting?" Piper wiggled her eyebrows and turned Alex over, so she was laying on her back with Piper on top.

"Hm, dinner would be a nice first price. I want a second price as well. I played good." Alex smirked.

"You always do. Now, tell me what you want for second price." Piper whispered in her ear as she stroked her belly lightly.

"I'll tell you after we've danced our brains out." Alex said and grinned. Piper squealed in delight at this offer and kissed her before she invited Alex to the shower with her.

After some chines take-out, they headed for the club. Alex wore a dress similar to the one she'd had when they first met and of course, her hair was done up pin-up style.

Piper had picked out a black dressed that were skin tight. It showed of her curves just like she wanted. She had even put on some light make up. They may have been an odd match, but they both liked how the other looked and how boring isn't it to match outfits as a couple, Piper thought.

When they got to the club, they downed some shots and headed for the dance floor. It wasn't the best club, but the DJ was good and the dance floor was packed, just how Piper loved it.

Piper placed her arms around Alex's neck and started to move to the music. Alex pressed closer with her hands on Piper's hips.

A scene flashed past Piper's eyes as they were dancing. Last time they had danced was in prison. It had been fun, but so different from this. That time, it was as if there had been an invisible shield between them, not really letting them touch each other, even if they were. There had been a tension in the air, so thick that one could almost grab it and feel the texture of it; raw lust that was just waiting to explode into actions. She wondered if Alex had felt the same that day. Sure, they both covered it in playfulness, like only they could, but it had been there and Piper was sure she hadn't been the only one picking up on it.

That day, she hadn't been ready to acknowledge her true feelings for Alex, even if they had always been there, suppressed in her mind. As she had confessed to her; she was inevitable to her. The time just wasn't right then and Piper had done as she always did, compressed and locked away complicated feelings.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the DJ, who stared to play Venus by Lady Gaga. Piper had heard the song on the radio before and had wanted to dance to it the first time she heard it. She even imagined dancing to it with Alex, and there she was. The dance floor, dark and illuminated by flashing lights in different colors and intervals. A smoking machine somewhere made it a bit more hazy. The base was hard and loud, vibrating in their bodies and the alcohol added to the whole scene being a bit dreamy.

When the line "Let's blast off to a new dimension, in your bedroom" she saw through the flashing light how Alex smirked and brought her closer. Piper mirrored the smirked and kissed the raven-haired woman.

When the refrain started to play, Piper turned around so her back was against Alex front and started to grind against the other. Pipers whole body hummed with satisfaction as Alex hands stared to move up her front, they didn't do anything inappropriate by they still set Pipers skin on fire with the light touch. Piper laid her head on Alex's shoulder and brought one hand up to the dark locks of the other. When she did that, Alex kissed her exposed neck.

She continued to move to the music, letting the moment wash over her. Alex hands, her body against her own, the music and how good it felt to move to the it. She closed her eyes, trying to savor the moment to its core.

When she danced it was like her brain detached itself from her body. It was like somebody paused her life, only to resume it a second after. She had longed so long to do just that. Dance her brain into another time and place, letting go of reality.

After a moment she felt how Alex touch became more needy, letting her hand travel to more intimate places. She didn't mind, it may have been obscene to others, but she could care less. She had her goddess of love there and nothing was going to stop her.

She dragged Alex to the bathroom and pushed her inside of a stall, up against one of the walls. Alex smirked and started to kiss Piper while the blonde's hand started to move up her inner thigh. The raven-haired woman's breathing increased and she grabbed Piper's hair harder as the hand advanced upwards. Piper kissed a trail to Alex's ear.

"Enjoy your second price" She breathed out with a seductive voice.

Alex panted hard as Piper sank down to her knees and pushed up Alex's dress. She had just worn stay-ups so Piper had direct access to her panties. She roughly dragged them down and kissed her way up to Alex's sex. Alex withdrew one leg from her underwear and steadied it on the opposite wall.

Alex grasped her hair hard and pushed her in the right direction. They were in an exposed place, and therefor had no time for teasing. Piper just grinned and got on with the show.

Alex pressed her back hard against the thin wall of the stall and let out a deep, shaky sigh when Piper's mouth connected with her sex.

When Alex came she almost fell over, but luckily her long leg was strong enough to steady her. Piper chuckled and rose to her full length to embrace her beautiful woman.

"Did you like it, my goddess of love?" Piper said, grinning from ear to ear from seeing the tough Alex so exposed and vulnerable. There were so many faces of Alex, Piper thought. She could be tough, caring, dorky and at the same time, stunningly sexy. Even so, the one Piper found most strikingly beautiful, was the Alex who let herself be vulnerable. That was the one time Piper thought she saw through to her soul, as if it glowed on her skin, not only in her eyes.

"Goddess of love?" Alex laughed.

"But you are and you know it." Piper said and kissed her jawline.

"Man, I should get you home. You stupid drunkie." Alex had a dumbfounded smile on her lips, partially from the alcohol but also from her climax earlier. Piper laughed at the comment and kissed her hard.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: **Hey everybody! I wanted to update earlier, but just felt like this chapter wasn't finished enough for that. And I yet again apologize for mistakes that I haven't noticed. Just so you know, slight warning on violence in this chapter, may be a trigger, not so sure. It's only in one dialog of this chapter.

Hope you enjoy it and the next chapter is almost finished! I hope to update soon since school is almost over.

Thank you for your reviews, they are wonderful and make me smile! Thank you!

Thanks for reading. Love always.

_**I die at night**_

Piper woke with a start. At first she didn't know were she where and what had awoken her. Her brain had yet to comprehend that she was in a state of wakefulness, mostly it was due to the alcohol she consumed earlier that night. Even so, she remembered in her post-drunk and still sleepy haze, having a dream, a beautiful dream about her and Alex.

In the dream, they were sitting on a beach somewhere tropical and just kissed each other into oblivion. It was such a tender and sweet dream. She hadn't really had such a dream in a while and was quite disturbed with being taken away from such delight. She wanted to fall back to sleep and continue the pleasant pretend existent, but heard noises and felt movement beside her. Quickly she sobered up and found that Alex was tossing and talking in her sleep. She sat up and watched for a moment as the raven-haired woman tossed and murmured no over and over. Piper snapped out of her paralyze and placed a hand on Alex's shoulder.

"Babe, wake up." She gently shook her. Alex reached out for her hand in her sleep and tried to swiped it away, but Piper didn't take it away.

"Alex, it's me, Piper. You're just having a nightmare, wake up babe. I'm here." As she said this all very loud Alex finally jerked awake and her whole body twitched, as if she had been electrocuted. Her eyes were wide open and she breathed hard. Piper laid down again and pressed her body close to the raven-haired woman's. She kissed her cheek and murmured comforting things in her ear.

Soon, Alex's breathing was back to normal and she finally relaxed. She turned and embraced Piper tight and closed her eyes.

A furrow had formed on her forehead and Piper sensed that she thought about whatever horror she experienced in her dream. Piper stroked her cheek lightly and kissed her.

"Tell me." Piper tried to move away so she could look in to her eyes, but Alex embraced her even harder making it impossible for Piper to put some space between them.

"Al..."

"Just... just let me hold you for a while. I'll tell you, but just let me hold you now." Alex cut her off and opened her eyes. Piper stopped moving away and just let herself be embraced by her lover, giving her the comfort she needed.

It must have been a really awful dream, Piper thought. She herself had had similar dream experiences that left her inconsolable for hours, thinking that somehow the dream had really happened or that her actions in the dream reflected something she would do in real life. It really sucked that dreams, which only were made up scenarios, had such a power over one. At least for a little while, but at times, they held more that just a little power, haunting her for weeks.

After a while, Alex sighed and bit her lip. Piper could see how she fought her dream demons but restrained herself from pushing Alex to tell her. She drew comforting circles on her back and just waited.

"I dreamed that I found you in bed with some guy in our old apartment in Paris. "Alex paused and closed her eyes again, as if the painful images kept replaying even with her eyes open. She opened them and continued.

"You were fucking him. Neither of you stopped when I walked in to the room, you just looked me in the eyes as he kept going, and you smiled at me. And then, my phone rang. It was my aunt who called and said my mother had died. I dropped my phone and I sank to the floor. But you didn't care, you kept staring at me as you came. You moaned out his name, I think it was Larry or something. He got up after you came and then walked over to me, dragged me up and pushed me against the wall and started to rip off my clothes, I just kept screaming no, but he didn't stop... and..." Alex stopped and took a deep breath as if she tried to compose herself before she could continue.

"And all I could see was you starting to pack your bag... and... as he got to my underwear... you walked out of the room and didn't even look at me. That's when you woke me, thankfully..." Alex didn't close her eyes as she described the dream and maintained eye contact with the blonde.

Piper was speechless. Never in a million years would she ever have thought that walking out on Alex that day would cause the raven-haired woman so much pain still.

Piper broke the eye contact, too ashamed of herself to maintain it. She was ashamed how her actions had caused someone so much pain for such a long time. She wanted to tell Alex how she wasn't going to do that again and that she was here this time, but felt too angry with herself to say anything. Her throat tightened as her thoughts took off into a dark place, as if they had been sucked into a dark hole in space.

Piper turned her eyes to Alex's again and leaned in and kissed her, trying to tell the raven-haired woman with her lips the things her words couldn't. She thought that the kiss would kill the dark hole in her mind, but it seemed that it only got bigger feeding on the shitty thing her dream alter-ego had done, and soon it consume all of her thoughts. She was unable to keep kissing Alex tenderly as she wanted since her was occupied with dark thoughts.

She felt like a computer. Calculating a million things at the same time, but she was a useless computer. Her calculations didn't do any good, they ran in circles. They couldn't perform any operations or make something. It was like she couldn't even register all the emotions that came rushing over her. She had a deep furrow on her forehead and felt how her whole body started to shake. It became hard to breath and she needed to get out of bed, even though she wanted to comfort Alex.

Alex, the one person she could imagine forever with. The one she had hurt over and over. The one who had forgive her even so. Even though her actions had caused her years of heartache and drug use. Despite all of this, Alex loved her.

It all became too much. She wanted to be there for Alex, but at the same time she felt so disgusted with herself. She wanted to stand on a beach and just feel like the only person in the world. That was what she deserved, to be alone forever.

She couldn't take it any more and broke the kiss. In one swift motion she sat up and walked to the window.

It was still dark outside and rain hammered on the glass. A storm must have rolled in while they slept.

Thunder rolled in the distance as she felt her own rain fall onto her cheeks and how her own storm roared inside her. A storm triggered from her thoughts, like it always did. She wasn't really good at sharing her emotions. It was like the things she felt didn't have words to describe them, and even if there were words to depict them, she felt like nobody would understand what she said. It always felt too complicated to explain and Piper hated complicated things that had the power of disrupt the balance of good.

She sighed heavily and tried to suppress a sob, but her body and mind didn't want the same things. It was like that Christmas in prison all over again. She just couldn't stand being herself. It felt like she was yet again incarcerated, but this time she was trapped in her body, and the actions that she, as a being, had made. Even though she made those decisions long ago, she just couldn't get over the fact that she made them. It was like she suddenly wasn't over what she had done. The question was more like, had she ever been over it? She certainly hadn't been over Alex, even though she thought she had been. Piper cursed in her head and fought the sobs that came more frequently now. At the same time, it all felt slightly ironic, like, what had she expected, that some magic fairy would come and wipe all of her bad decisions away? Piper laughed dark in her head. She felt like she really wanted a royal ceremony were somebody would crown her to; Piper Chapman her royal highness, Queen of fuck ups.

Her actions had done so much harm and she just wished she could stop existing on the very spot. That her breathing could cease and that all the pain she had created in the world would be undone. How could she cope being responsible for it all? Why couldn't she be perfect from the very beginning? Her mind kept ranting other stupid things as her current world faded and her mind was yet again her world.

Alex must have sensed the hurt oozing from her, because she could feel arms around her waist and how she planted a kiss in her neck. It made her wake up from her rambling thoughts.

Piper wanted to resist how good those arm felt. She wanted to throw a fit and yell at Alex that she was worth so much better than this, but she got lost in her embrace and before her racing mind could actually form the thoughts into action the raven-haired woman spoke softly to her.

"Pipes... by hurting yourself you're hurting me as well. It is no longer you and I, it is us. Don't forget that when you blame yourself for something." Alex placed another kiss on her neck and waited for a reply. Piper just shook her head, unable to shake the feeling that Alex could read her mind, but all of her hurt and she couldn't believe what Alex had just said to her. How could she say something like that when Piper was the main cause of pain?

"But... but I have caused you so much pain, and I am still doing it. You deserve someone better..." Piper whispered the last part out, unable to stop her thoughts from becoming words as she kept facing the window.

"Right now you're causing me pain by saying this, because you're hurting and blaming yourself, and by doing that you hurt me as well. But you do not cause me pain, Piper. It did, but this was just a nightmare. I know you wouldn't do such a thing." Alex said and brought the blonde closer to her before she continued.

"Don't be so harsh on yourself, Piper. The world is already hard enough, you don't need another critique. Nobody's going to judge you harder than yourself, so stop it." Even though Alex spoke softly, she heard that Alex was going to make Piper do it, with force if necessary.

"It's time you forgive yourself." Alex said and placed another kiss on her neck.

Even though tears were still running down her face, Piper couldn't help herself from thinking; were the hell did all of this come from? When did Alex become this Buddhist like preacher? As blunt as she was, she turned around and just stared at the raven-haired woman with a funny look on her face.

"Why are you making that face?" Alex looked slightly confused by the blondes expression.

"Did you reach nirvana or something in prison, or are you just high? You sound like a Buddhist guru or something." The look of confusion on Alex's face disappeared with the blondes words and she chuckled softly at them. She kissed her on the cheek and wiped the tears away with her thumbs.

"I guess you could say that. I came to terms with a few things and found that I must allow myself to believe and never make decisions for others. Something you should learn. I will never think that something is best for you until I have talked to _you_ about it. That's called, communicating and something we are going to rock this time around." Alex smiled and wiped some more of Piper's tears away.

"Just remember what I said the other day. Sometimes you have to forgive someone, even if it hurts to do so. Forgive yourself, Pipes." Alex searched her eyes and Piper could see how they became stern and how Alex stiffened a bit.

"And never again say that I deserve better." Alex looked into her eyes hard, letting them tell just how serious she was and that she would hear non of Piper's bullshit about deserving better. Piper broke the eye contact and crumbled under the raven-haired woman's gaze a bit because she had actually said that shit to Alex. It was like she had punched her in the face with those words. She bit her lip, feeling a bit like a little child getting a lecture. She heard the other woman sigh before she heard her deep voice resonate in the air.

"I may die at night, but when I wake up, you bring me back to life." Alex said. At this Piper looked up and just stared into the beautiful, deep green eyes of Alex and saw that she was actually smiling a bit.

Even if it was a serious situation Piper just couldn't stop herself from grinning at the words of Alex. She surely knew how to smooth talk, but the things she said didn't sound like the big bad Alex she was used to seeing, and as usual, she spoke without a filter.

"I see you're still a pussy." Piper grinned a bit, but her eyes was still sad, not knowing if the words were okay to say at a time like this. She bit her lip and was about to say something to apologize for her big mouth, but Alex beat her to it with a chuckle.

"Hey, hey. Easy with the blaming. Last time I checked, you were still the biggest pussy." Alex winked before she turned serious again.

"No, but seriously though, stop pissing me of by claiming something you don't know, Piper. That hurts as well. I love you. Please accept that, and believe me when I say it." Alex said and Piper swallow hard, feeling how the air became heavy with seriousness again.

"I... I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for everything I've put you through and I should be your rock now. I'm not fair to you..." Piper broke the eye contact and could feel how she had trouble breathing again. Alex brought her chin up and made her look directly in her eyes.

"Stop right there. If I could forgive you hon, you can forgive yourself as well." Alex said and kissed her. A kissed that was tender but at the same time filled with hot, fiery passion. The raven-haired woman always seemed to be able to mend and soothe her, even if it was with such a simple gesture as a kiss.

They continued kissing as Alex lead Piper back to the bed and made sure that the blonde fell onto it. Piper let out a small giggle to this. The raven-haired woman always knew how to lighten up the mood and make Piper feel right again.

After a heavy make out session Piper smiled again, which earned a big smile from Alex.

"Who made you this sappy?" Piper laughed a bit.

"Hm, I think it is this certain blonde girl. She is a bit stuck up at times, thinks she knows everything but makes it up with a really nice ass, and the tits, oh God, they make you forget her stuck-upness." Alex looked out into the air as if she imagined the named body parts and bit her lip. Piper rolled her eyes and halfheartedly slapped her on her arm, which earned a chuckled from Alex.

"The things love do to you." Piper said as she just stare into the other woman's eyes.

"Come here." Alex pulled the blonde to her and kissed her again. It was a gentle and slow kiss, not demanding any further actions. Piper didn't know when Alex had turned so soft. Maybe it was because she didn't have to keep this badass facade up anymore and just let all of her walls down. Prison may have broken her down, but she was more beautiful than ever to Piper.

After the kiss they just stared into each others eyes, yet again communicating without words.

Alex broke the silence after some time.

"Believe it or not, but I started to write poetry in prison." Alex chuckled at herself and Piper just snuggled up to her, happy to hear the raven-haired woman share some more of the time when they'd been apart.

"A cliche of some sort, I think, but it took some of the worst from me. It felt good to ventilate on a material thing, even if it is as harmless as a paper." Alex kissed Piper's forehead and stared into thin air.

"I would like to hear some of what you wrote if you want to share it with me." Piper snuggled into Alex a bit more as the raven-haired woman nodded slowly. The blonde could tell she was miles away in thoughts.

"Al?"

"Yeah?" Alex murmured, still staring into nothingness.

"Why were you crying when I came home, the other day?" Piper asked with her face into the pale skin of the other. She could feel Alex stir back to reality. Silence fell like a thick blanket over them. The raven-haired woman let out a huge sigh before she lifted the silence off them.

"I don't really know. This all feels so surreal and it suddenly hit me what I've been going through all of those years I was in prison. It was so overwhelming that I couldn't breath. And all the things that I've missed..." Alex sighed and squeezed Piper tighter to her.

"It's hard to feel how the world has kept on going while I was left out of it. It just became too much and I sat like that for almost an hour, crying my heart out. But it felt so good to do it and when you came and comforted me, I just couldn't stop myself. I figured that if I wanted you back, that was my chance." Alex said and brought some distance between them and stared into the blonde's ice-blue eyes. Piper just nodded and started into the early-spring-green ones.

"I'm glad you did." Piper took Alex's hand in hers and kissed it.

"Yeah, me too kid." Alex said and smiled.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN:** Hey everybody! Hope you're having a good time and have enjoyed the new season!

Thank you all so much for the awesome reviews that I've gotten! They mean so much to me! Please don't stop, I love hearing what you think of the story.

So I guess this became some sort of AU... Ah, well it is what it is. I don't think my story will contain any spoilers from season two.

The song that is mentioned in this chapter is the original version of it, not some remix. I know that what I'm writing about the song doesn't fit what the song really mean. But I just got an idea when I sat and listened to it once.

I apologize for any mistakes, when I have more time I will read this over and correct them. Right now I don't really have the time, since I work but I'll only work for two more weeks, then I hope I'll get more time. Sorry, enough of me.

Thank you for reading. Love always.

_**Got my bad baby by my heavenly side**_

The next day, dark and heavy clouds lingered in the sky. They were almost menacing, like they were going to crush everything with their weight.

Since the weather was crap, Alex had just wanted to watch a movie and snuggle on the couch. There wasn't much to do indoor a day like that.

During the movie, Piper had fallen asleep in Alex's lap, and the raven-haired woman just let her be. Alex wasn't really sure if she'd slept at all. The blonde had deep circles under her eyes and had been scatterbrained during their breakfast. Even if Piper had slept, Alex guessed that it hadn't been of any quality.

The raven-haired woman watched the rest of the movie with little interest as she had something more interesting in her lap. She thought she could watch Piper sleep for the rest of her life. How her chest rose and fell, the small twitches of her face muscles, the small whimpers and the relaxed facial expression, that occasional changed to a more disturbed expression, and of course, her soft snores. They were hilariously cute. It was just a complete show that Alex enjoyed watching.

When the storm hit them with full force, Alex woke Piper up. The night had just offered somewhat of an interlude of the real show that mother nature was putting up it seemed.

It shifted from incredibly heavy rain smashing down on the windows, to full out loud rumbling thunder and the wind teared at the windows as the storm proceeded to rage upon them. This was a summer storm in all of its glory.

They just sat on the couch, listening to it in silence, while Piper tried to shake of the sleep. After some time, Alex asked if Piper wanted to hear some of the poetry she had written in prison. Piper smiled and nodded, making a comment on how romantic the raven-haired woman was. Alex just laughed softly at the comment and got up to get her book with poems.

While Alex went to get the book, Piper connected her phone to the speakers and started a playlist that was full of soft and soothing music that she listened to whenever she felt blue.

They both cuddled up on the couch again. The music was playing comfortably in the background, adding to the romantic atmosphere. The storm that kept tearing at the building was also a comfortable background noise as the raven-haired woman started to read to Piper.

"_Where ever you may be_

_I'll send spring to you_

_I'll send summer to you_

_Send the sun to warm you_

_Send you all the things that ever put a smile on your face_

_Even if you walk_

_I want that smile _

_The smile, which enrich you_

_The smile that makes you, you_

_If it takes my heart_

_I'll be glad_

_It already belongs to you_" When Alex finished the poem, she looked at the blonde with a search in her eyes. Piper met her gaze with a light smile on her lips and adoration gleaming in her blue eyes. Alex smiled shyly back and fiddled with her glasses a bit. Piper brought her face up and kissed her slowly, showing her approval of the sweet poem.

As the poem was, was the kiss. Sweet and filled with love.

Alex broke the lip contact and smiled a shy smile and took Piper's hand in hers, pausing the moment just to let the words hang in the air. No more pronounced words were needed, the poem spoke for itself and for them. The power and simplicity that stood behind the words were enough.

The raven-haired woman broke the love filled stare-contest with a content and somewhat nervous sigh.

"This one is short but I think you will like it. When I wrote it, I thought of all of our trips together. I really felt invincible at your side and I think you did too. But we managed to steal that from each other, in different ways destroying that..." Alex said before she cleared her throat and fixed her glasses. She turned the pages of the black book, that all of her poems were written in, in search of the right one. She stopped near the end and squeezed Piper's hand before she read it to her.

"_We once thought life belonged to us_

_But we had stolen it from each other_

_like a brief kiss in public_

_like a rental movie you never return or rewind_

_We wore it out _

_Wore the life out of each other_

_Just to return it without rewinding the tape_" Piper just stared at Alex when she finished it. She felt like the poem really hit home. They had been so up in each others face's and so busy feeling like they owned the world that they didn't realize that they wore each other out.

She leaned in and kissed Alex again feeling like there were still so much left on their rental movie. As Alex had stated in the poem, they hadn't rewound their tape, which Piper thought were good. That meant that they hadn't forgotten the essence of their feelings towards each other even if they had spent a lot of time apart. At the same time it could mean that they hadn't really gone to the depth of their problems and flaws. Piper shook the thought away, they were starting to do so now and that was enough, Piper thought and when Alex had written that poem, they had been apart.

She continued to kiss the raven-haired woman and filled her mind with happy thoughts like how lucky she was to have such a caring girlfriend. Another thought crossed her mind as she continued to kiss the other woman. Who knew Alex was this poetic? She read a lot, sure, but to be able to express ones feelings through words was a different thing though. She was so proud of how Alex had developed a ventilation system that wasn't destructive. Piper felt a stung of jealousy as she thought about how long Alex had come since they had parted ways, but at the same time she wasn't jealous, she was just proud that Alex had found that words could help her.

The kiss came to a natural end and they just embraced each other and felt like nothing more needed to be said in that moment.

They sat in silence for a while as Lana Del Rey's Summertime Sadness started to play. They listened to it quietly. Piper had really started to like the song. It made her remember one of the most frightening days in her life. She wasn't sure why she really liked it when it brought one of her worst memories to life. It must have been the atmosphere in the music that played rather than the lyrics. The music made it all seems so romantic, which soothed the fear that laid in that memory, but it was the lyrics that really brought it to life.

"This song makes me think about when we were Italy that once. Do you remember that?" Piper said and stared into dead space as she remembered those days.

"Yeah. Shit. I've never been so afraid in my whole life. I was certain that I was going to get killed, our worse; They'd find and kill you. I'm so sorry Pipes..." Alex squeezed Piper's hand harder as she said that, but Piper was already miles away in her mind. Reliving the night with vivid detail.

**xxx**

The sat at a restaurant and chatted lightly. The night was still young and the food had been beyond any of their expectations. Even though the mood at the moment was relaxed, Piper could feel that the raven-haired woman was a bit uneasy. Piper saw how she tried, and that felt good enough for her at that moment.

Alex hadn't been drinking the whole night because she hated being in Italy, and had wanted to stay alert, and she was driving as well.

Before they made the trip, the raven-haired woman had said that business was really dangerous there and hadn't really wanted Piper to come along, but Piper had insisted. She didn't want to spend their two year anniversary apart just because of Alex's job.

Piper had been a little worried at first, but as the days went by, she felt her worry wash away. Alex had always made her feel safe, and even if Alex said that business was dangerous, she couldn't see why. Nothing had happened so far and she wanted to live in the moment with Alex.

On the night of their anniversary, Alex had been a bit more fidgety and nervous. That had made Piper feel uneasy too, but after a few glass of wine at the restaurant she felt relaxed and enjoyed having Alex's full attention again. They had spent the whole day shopping and walking around, just enjoying each others company. It had been really good to just have Alex to herself for once. Her work had gotten in the way more than once and Piper was thrilled that it hadn't done that that day.

Alex had really brought out her A-game and had arranged so that they were apart until they went to the restaurant together for their celebration. Piper had been thrilled and made sure she look absolutely stunning for the date.

Piper had dropped her jaw when she laid her eyes on Alex. The raven-haired woman wore a long, red dress that hugged her curves. It was asymmetric over the shoulders. Her hair was up in a messy bun that somehow matched the sophisticated dress. She had never seen Alex wear something quite like it and it made Piper almost drool. Her girlfriend was the most beautiful in the world, she thought.

Piper wore a long, white halterneck dress with a slit at the front and her long and wavy her was was draped around her shoulders. They had both stared holes in each other before they finally made their way to the restaurant.

While they waited for dessert Alex's phone rang. Piper frowned, but Alex said this was a call she couldn't dismiss. The raven-haired woman got up and went to answer. Piper pouted and played with her napkin as she waited for Alex to return. She thought that for once, this wouldn't happen, and that day had been a perfect for it not to happen, but as always, reality catches up with one.

After a few minutes, Alex returned with a look of sheer horror and panic. When Piper saw this, she couldn't help but mirrored the look. The raven-haired woman had never, ever showed any signs that she had been afraid of whatever doing her job meant. So if Alex was scared, something really bad had happened.

Alex threw money on the table, grabbed Piper's hand and hurried out of the restaurant. When they got into the car, Alex drove of as fast as she could.

Piper's heart raced fast and painfully hard as Alex darted past cars.

"Al... What is going on...?" Piper looked at Alex, who were concentrating on the road.

"When you get to the hotel, you back our bags. Pack everything that we have there and wait for me to return. You get it?" Alex voice was strained and Piper could hear that she struggled to keep it even and not sounding panicky.

"Alex... no, what is happening?" Piper was on the verge of tears as reality set in. Something horrible had happened and Alex had to go away to do something. Which could be mean murder, or something equally horrible and they might have to flee the country.

"You have to do as I tell you! Okay? I will call the hotel room once I get back. Promise me babe! Do _not_ go outside the hotel room until I have called you, okay!?" Piper just nodded. She could hear the blood pounding in her ears and she felt cold all of a sudden. It was not the usual cold feeling that lingered on ones skin, but all of her insides felt cold. It was almost a painful feeling. Her heart raced fast and it felt like her blood vessels shrunk with every second and a painful lump formed in her throat. All of her hurt and suddenly it all seemed like a hundred miles away from her gaze. It made her head feel light and Alex was only paying attention to the road.

Piper ran down the corridor to their hotel room. She fiddled with the key but managed to get it open on the forth try. She flung the door open and kicked off her heels to be able to run around with ease.

She ran around like crazy trying to gather all their belongings while tears streamed down her cheeks. Her mind kept setting up vivid scenarios where Alex was captured or worse, killed. When that thought crossed her mind she dropped to her knees, unable to keep her body moving. It was as if the adrenaline in her body had just evaporated into thin air and the muscles in her legs had atrophied and couldn't carry her weight any more. She sat like that for a few moments until she calmed down enough to stand up again.

When she was done, Alex still hadn't called. So Piper slipped out of her dress and put on some black jeans and a t-shirt. She wasn't sure what would happened next, but wanted to be prepared for whatever. She curled up on the bed and waited for Alex to call her.

Almost two hours later, the phone rang. Piper flew up from the bed, every nerve in her body was stretched thin as she desperately grabbed the phone.

"Have you done what I told you?" Alex talked very fast and sounded out of breath.

"Yes, yes. Where are you?" Piper cried out into the phone.

"Good. I'll be there in two minutes." And then Alex hung up on her. Piper just clinged to the phone and her breathing was ragged. That wasn't the answer she had wanted. Panic rose in her as she waited on the raven-haired woman to enter the room. Her head felt light and like it was floating. She thought that if she stood up she would leave the ground and hit the ceiling.

Soon she heard the door open and Alex ran in.

"Get me a pair of jeans and a shirt, quickly." Alex shouted as she was trying to get out of the dress as fast as she could. Piper sprung to action. She cut off her fears and got into action mode. She threw the clothes to Alex when she found them and stuffed her dress down a suitcase.

Alex drove fiercely for over an hour, pressing the car to 100 miles per hour and didn't drive calmly until they were out on the country road.

They didn't say a word during the whole time and Piper dozed off after about two hours, but the sleep she got wasn't good. She slipped in and out of sleep, dreaming lightly about all of the different things that could happen if they didn't get away.

She woke when Alex stopped. Piper glanced at her watch and saw that it was four in the morning. Alex had been driving for about six hours. They had stopped by a beach. Piper looked over at Alex, she looked beyond exhausted, but still got out of the car and went down to the water. After a few moments, Piper followed her.

Piper sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Alex immediately threw herself into the blondes arms and began to sob violently. Piper hushed her and stroked her hair gently.

"Fuck Piper. I was so afraid. We lost the whole drop. I went with Fahri to check on it, but they were already there. I thought they saw us but he forced me to stay. They had guns and had taken a mule as hostage." Alex rambled on and cried even harder.

"Fahri told me to get out of there as fast and as far as I could. Shit, I thought that they were going to get you if that mule had babble about the whole organization and shit... All I could think about was getting you to safety." Piper listened to her and kept stroking her hair to calm her.

"Fucking Kubra knew this shit would happen, he can't just walk into someone else's area, trying to pick up their customers. Fucking shit-head, and I can't do shit about it I just hope the mule kept her mouth shut and..." Alex kept rambling but Piper cut her off.

"It's okay babe. We're together and every thing is fine. They're not going to find us." Piper kissed her hair and whispered in the raven-haired woman's ear.

"I love you Alex Vause. Everything will be okay." Piper held her girlfriend tighter.

"I love you too." Alex whispered and kissed Piper.

They sat in silence and stared into the horizon before a light rain started to fall. They got up and walked to the car.

Piper had to almost drag Alex to it, because she was so exhausted she stumbled and fell several times. Piper had never seen Alex like this. She looked so small and broken. It broke her heart to see the raven-haired woman in such a state. Alex was always her rock and never lost her cool. Now she looked like she had been up for a week straight and hadn't eaten as well.

In the car they had kissed and made slow love. For once Alex had wanted to go first, and Piper didn't mind. If that was what was going to calm and comfort her girlfriend, she would do it. But when it was her turn, Alex didn't get that far.

Before Piper could even get of, Alex fell asleep on her shoulder. Piper didn't mind. Alex had been her heroine that day. She had taken her as far away as she had the strength to.

Piper held her until she woke up again.

They left Italy that day and never talked about it again.

**xxx**

They song ended and Piper snapped back to reality. She smiled a sad smile at Alex and kissed her tenderly.

"You were my bad baby that day." Piper said and stared deep into the raven-haired woman's eyes. Alex smiled a bit too and kissed the blonde after she had said that.

"Wasn't I always your bad baby?" Alex smirked a bit, she was obviously trying to lighten up the mood. Piper only snorted amusingly in reply.

"Come on, who doesn't love a girl with power?" Alex chuckled a bit and waited for the blonde to answer.

"You're not as bad ass as you give yourself credit to be, honey. You're such a softie." Piper smirked and leaned in to kissed Alex, but the raven-haired woman turned her head so the kiss on landed on her cheek.

"Oh, yeah?" Alex had a played hurt look on her face.

"Yeah." Piper said and smiled widely at Alex who continued to look hurt, but also surprised by the blondes answer. Piper stuck out her tongue before she elaborated her answer.

"You know, I woke up after a while in the car. You stroked my leg and murmured that everything would be okay, and that you wouldn't let anything happen to me. I studied you a bit and you looked so scared. I had never seen you like that before. My heart ache and I wanted to take all the bad things away from you." Piper said and stroked the outline of the others chin. Alex sighed, all the play disappeared as her mind seemed to take her back to the exact time and place Piper talked about.

"I'm so sorry I put you through that..." The raven-haired woman sighed and looked down on their hands. Piper saw the hurt look on her face and frowned, this was supposed to be romantic and not some guilt trip down memory lane. Piper smirked a bit and nudge on Alex's shoulder to make the raven-haired woman look up.

"That was the day I knew you were a pussy." Piper said and laughed softly. A small smirk played on Alex's lips and she chuckled a bit as well, so the blonde thought she could continue the banter.

"But that's okay, I love pussy." Piper said.

"Hm, tell me about it." Alex said with a small grin and stroked some hair behind Piper's ear as a lightning lit up the room. The raven-haired woman leaned forward and kissed the blonde tenderly as the storm continued to rage outside.

When the kiss ended Piper smiled at Alex and stroked her cheek lightly, letting silence take over once again.

After some time, a thought entered Piper's mind and she voiced it out of curiosity.

"Have you thought of a job you want to apply for?" Piper stroked Alex's long black hair and waited for a reply. She did it to calm Alex so she wouldn't flip or walk away from her, because of the question that now hung in the air.

Due to her own experience when it came to applying for a job, when you have a record, it was always up hill. Most companies didn't even call you back or wouldn't even set up an interview with you. They all seemed to assume that you were a certain way just because you had served time. It infuriated Piper just to think about it. All the prejudice there were in the world. She had no doubt that her girl could find a job, and would be good at it. There was just one problem, beside the whole I-have-served-time-in-prison thing, Alex wouldn't do a job she hated, or even felt a bit uncomfortable with, but if she found a job she liked, she would be as passionate as Beethoven writing music.

Alex sighed and just kept staring out of the window, but remained seated beside Piper on the couch.

"No." Alex said without leaving the window with her eyes.

"Have you at least tried to look for one?" Piper said softly.

"No."

"Have you thought what you might want to do?" Piper said and saw how Alex clenched her jaw. She was wearing thin on the subject, but Piper felt that it really was an issue they had to address.

"No." Alex said again, this time with more venom in her voice.

"Well..." Piper didn't get any further before Alex had pushed herself off Piper and rose from the couch.

"There aren't a whole lot of options out there for me, okay!? It isn't like I can put; I have worked for an international drug cartel on my fucking resume, and that was my whole fucking life!" Alex shouted as she walk out of the room. Piper heard her put on a jacket.

"Alex, where the fuck are you going? It's is a fucking thunder-storm out there." Piper said and made her way to the hallway, but before she could stop the other woman, she heard the door slam shut.

"Fuck." She swore as she hurried to put on a jacket and grabbed her keys before she ran after Alex.

She hurried down the stairs but before she reached the bottom of the building she heard the front door shutting.

"Fuck." She muttered out as she reached the door and swung it open and looked from side to side to try and find Alex. To her luck, there wasn't a soul out so she spotted Alex with ease.

She started to run towards Alex, who somehow had gotten a pretty good advance on her. The wind made it harder to run fast, and there was no point in yelling anything, they wind would just swallow her words. Even so, she managed to reach Alex pretty quickly and grabbed her arm and turned her around.

"What the fuck, Alex?" Piper said and looked into her eyes seeing how the raven-haired woman fought with a lot of emotions.

"I was just asking if you had thought about it, I wasn't trying to..." Piper started but Alex cut her off.

"I know, I know!" Alex shouted out and clenched her jaw. Piper just raised her eyebrows, questioning the raven-haired woman's sudden outburst. Alex took a shaky breath and looked down on the ground biting her lip.

"It's just hard, you know? I've never had a legal job before and I don't know what I'm good at. I have fucked up, and it's hard to feel that." Alex said and Piper saw how tears streamed down Alex cheeks, they became mixed up with the rain and made it hard to tell what was what.

"I always thought I was in control, you know? But now? Nothing is what it was and I just don't know in which direction to go. I'll never be what I was. It's hard to accept that defeat... Because that's what it feels like." Alex said and fiercely wiped the tears and rain from her cheeks, trying hard to fight her emotions, but her body had already won that battle. Her breath came out strained and her face was a frown.

"I don't want to do a job that sucks. That would eat me alive, and that's what prison did to me for so many fucking years, I don't need that for the rest of my life too." Alex said in a quiet voice that the wind almost drenched, but Piper stood near enough to hear what was said. After Alex had finished her speech Piper embraced her hard.

"I know, baby. I know." Piper said and embraced the raven-haired woman harder. She could feel how the sobs traveled through Alex's body.

"I just want to give you everything, like I used to, but now, I can't..." Alex said and Piper could feel how her sobs got harder as she said this. She stroked the taller woman's now wet hair and tried to comfort her the best she could, but nothing seemed to do it. Alex just continued her rant.

"I'm just nothing... I don't have anything left. You're all I have." Alex voice came out as a mere whisper and Piper released her embrace a bit so she could look into Alex's beautiful, albeit sad, spring green eyes.

"Babe, you're not nothing. You're the most strong and beautiful woman I know. I get that it's tough getting out of prison, but we'll do this. I'll be there for you, every step on the road. We'll find a job that you're going to love. I love you, no matter what. I don't need material things. I only need you out and free from prison and crime." Piper said and stared into the other set of eyes to make sure that her statement was received and understood. Alex just bit her lip and had her eyebrows fussed together.

"Yes I am. As soon as somebody sees my resume, and know that I served time in prison, I'll be nothing to them... I just don't know how I'm supposed to live with it." Alex said and looked down on the ground, her bottom lip quivered and she hitched her breath as she kept her eyes on the ground. Piper just fussed her eyebrows and grasped Alex's hand.

"Alex, really, who the fuck cares about them? If they don't want you for the job, then, fuck them." Piper said and brought the raven-haired woman's chin up so they had eye contact again.

"You used to not care about what people thought of you or what they thought you did for a living. Remember when you hit on me in that bar, when we first met? You told me straight out what you worked with, granted that I didn't believe you, but still you told me. You didn't know me, I could've just stood up and left right then and there, but you didn't care. You had the confidence not to care what I would think. Remember that, babe. You're strong and what other people think, doesn't matter." Piper said and brought Alex's hand up to her mouth and planted a kiss on her knuckles.

"It's going to be okay, no matter what job you get, I'm not going to love you less. Okay?" Piper smiled a bit and tucked some wet hair out of the raven-haired woman's face. Alex just bit her lip and nodded slightly to the blondes speech.

"You have already given me the best thing. You, free and out in the world again and a promise that you'll be by my side. That's all I need." Piper said and saw how Alex's eyes softened and how her body relaxed a bit.

"You'll always be my bad baby." Piper said as she wiped the tears out of her girlfriend's face. She saw a smile form on Alex's lips and smiled even wider at this.

"Come on, let's get inside and have a hot bath." Piper said and smirked before she brought Alex's lips to hers in a brief kiss under the rain.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN:** Hey, I just wanted to say thank you so much to everybody who has followed, favorited the story and left a review. It all means so much to me and it gives me courage to keep writing. I'm sorry it took me so long, I've just had trouble writing this chapter and I'm not so please with it. Anyways, thank you for being patient with me!

Thank you for reading. Love always.

_**An intermission without glamour**_

Piper wipe all of Alex's tears away and lead her back to the apartment.

She left Alex in the hallway while she went to draw a hot bath. While the water was filling the tub, she escorted the raven-haired woman to the bathroom and started to slowly peal off the wet clothes. Alex just let her, seemingly still in chock of what had enveloped earlier. Like her body was still claimed by her emotions and she was just a powerless being inside of it.

Piper kissed the newly exposed skin as she pealed off the layers of fabric, until Alex finally responded and put both of her hands in the blonde's hair and brought her mouth the hers. It was a hard and desperate kiss, but not rushed in a desperate sense. It was only a mere reassurance that the others lips were still kissable and that nothing had changed, that nobody was leaving and that it all still felt the same. Like she needed to imprint Piper's lips on her own, so she would feel them as long as doubt possessed her body, like it was Alex's way of making Piper stay with her forever.

Piper guided Alex down into the tub and sat on the edge at first, just wanting to be there in her presence and not leave the raven-haired woman to her own thoughts. Thoughts could be deadly, Piper thought and recalled her own experience when it came to her mind and what it could do to her. Alex looked up at the her and Piper found that the eyes were pleading. At first she didn't get why, but then it dawn on her and she quickly striped out off her clothes.

When she sank down in the tub, Alex sighed contently and wrapped her arms around the blonde woman. They sat like that in silence and at times, Alex would place random kisses on Piper's naked skin or run her hands up her body, caressed her skin gently and sensually. The raven-haired woman didn't go further than that and Piper felt a bit disappointed, but didn't want to complain or demand anything, considering the delicate nature of their previous conversation. She wanted Alex to feel content and safe at that moment, and that she had total control over the situation.

The silence wasn't thick or loaded with unresolved words needed to be said. At that moment, nothing needed to be said. The only thing they needed was each other's embrace and presence. Piper had become very good at just letting the silence speak for itself. She no longer had the need to babble just to fill the silence with something. Surrendering to silence was something she learned to value.

After the bath, Piper took on some skinny jeans, a loose fitted white see-through shirt and put her still damp hair up in a sloppy ponytail. Alex on the other hand, asked to changed into her clothes in privacy, something Piper had frowned upon. Why had she suddenly gone shy? Piper thought, but just shrugged and respected her girlfriend's wish.

She went into the living room and sat down on the couch with a book, but couldn't find it to be interesting, even though it was her favorite author. Her mind was still wondering why Alex wanted to change in privacy. Like Piper hadn't seen all of her before. It may have been about their earlier conversation that suddenly made Alex introvert and in need of private space. Even though they'd had more serious conversations before and been not-so-private with each other afterward. Not to mention that they took a bath with each other just moments before. It didn't add up in Pipers mind.

When Alex re-emerged from the bedroom, she had on a black halter maxi-dress that was long and flowed generously around her. She wore her signature make up and rose red lipstick covered in a thin layer of lip-gloss, that Piper had learned from experience tasted faintly like raspberries. She had her hair down and it flowed beautifully around her shoulders, curling slightly around the tips. The only thing that was missing was the cobalt blue strips in her hair, but they weren't needed to complete Alex, Piper thought. She was stunningly beautiful without them.

Piper's jaw dropped and she couldn't help but tear up a bit at the beautiful sight before her. Her girlfriend had wanted to give her a surprise for some reason. Piper hoped the raven-haired woman never stopped treating her with things like this, spontaneous surprises of any kind. It felt kind of selfish that she hadn't thought of something like that. Even so, she couldn't help but appreciate the gesture and feel how precious her girlfriend was.

She quickly wiped out all the doubt her mind had previously created and picked her jaw from the floor.

"What's the special occasion?" Piper breathed out, still in awe of the sight before her and seemed to be paralyzed by it, as she was still seated on the couch.

Alex didn't answer. She just made her way to the speakers and started to play some soft music. Piper watched as the skirt of the dress danced around her long legs as she moved.

"I would like to ask this fair lady for a dance." Alex said as she placed herself in front of Piper and held out a hand. Alex smiled that charming and confident smile she always wore when she wanted to flirt, but it wasn't quite the same as it used to be. It was somewhat shy and somewhat warmer, maybe the thoughts about not being enough was still lingering in the raven-haired woman's thoughts.

Piper could only nod in response to the offer at hand, and took the hand that was offered to her.

They assumed the classic couples dance position and Alex drew them incredibly close. As their bodies connected, Piper rested her head on Alex's shoulder as Alex took the lead and started to sway lightly to the music. It wasn't some official dance, like the waltz or something like that. They just swayed to the beat and felt each other's bodies move against their own.

"I meant what I said earlier, Alex." Piper said with her head still on the raven-haired woman's shoulder. They had danced to a couple of song at that point and Piper just wanted to make sure her words had really stuck.

"You being free from both your old job and prison and choosing to be with me, is all I need." Piper said as she continued to sway along with the raven-haired woman to the soft music.

"Don't get me wrong, I loved every second with you back then, but at the same time I was so afraid that it all could be taken away in just mere seconds if just one little thing went wrong. That you could be taken from my side. All I ever wanted was you, and that hasn't changed." Piper said and moved her head so she could stare into the others eyes.

"I'm glad you aren't shy like you used to be." Alex said and stared down at the floor, still not stopping their slow dance.

"What do you mean? I've never been shy, have I?" Piper said and fussed her eyebrows together in confusion.

"I mean that you aren't afraid of voicing your feelings anymore." Alex said and looked into Piper's ice blue eyes.

"I guess there's nothing left being afraid off." Piper said and held Alex's gaze. The raven-haired woman smiled slightly at this and let go of the others arms. Piper lifted a brow in a silent question at the action and lack of reply. Alex just smiled and turned off the music and led the blonde to the bedroom.

"I wanted to give this to you." Alex said when she stopped beside the bed and turned around towards Piper again.

"What?" Piper asked in confusion as she didn't see anything to be given. Alex took her hand and dragged her closer.

"This." Alex said, gesturing to herself before leaning in closer so she could whisper in Piper's ear.

"I wanted to dress up in something nice, so you would have the pleasure the undress me from it." Alex said and placed Piper's hands on her hips. Piper swallowed and felt how her mouth went dry when the raven-haired woman's words reached her. She felt that warm, albeit cold sensation go straight to her core, going further to make her knees weak and to finally dust a bit of color and warmth into her cheeks. This had to be one of the more sensual things Alex had ever done for her. She just stared at the raven-haired beauty in front of her before she stepped closer.

Piper grasped the black fabric in her hands, feeling the texture of it between her fingers before she started pulling the skirt of the dress up slowly. She slid her hands, with the fabric still in them, to Alex's ass and squeezed it, before beginning to massage it tenderly. Alex sighed silently and Piper could feel a shudder run through her body. Piper took a firmer grasp of her ass before she pulled the raven-haired woman closer to her and locked their lips together. She pressed Alex to her body as the kiss grew more fervent in an attempt to really feel the other, not just feel, but really focus on feeling the whole length and curve of the other body. To imprint it to her own body so she would never take it for granted, much like Alex had done in the bathroom.

Slowly she started to hitch the fabric up and really started to undress Alex. She gathered the skirt of the dress around Alex's hips and placed her thigh between Alex's legs. As soon as her jean clad thigh made contact with the raven-haired woman's underwear, she could feel the heat that radiated from the other woman's center. Alex sighed again and started to move slightly against the body part that was offered to her. Piper could feel how the raven-haired woman's hands traveled along her body and started to undo the fly of her jeans, but left them like that, before she started to unbutton the shirt.

Piper slowly slide her hands upwards, making the dress follow up and at the same time let her hands feel the naked skin that was slowly being uncovered from the black fabric. She continued the motion, and soon the dress hit the floor and revealed Alex in a matching black, silk bra and pantie set. Piper's hand wandered down again and caressed the now naked skin and marveled at how soft it was. Just the light touch from her hands weren't enough though. She wanted to feel real skin on skin contact. Piper gently pushed Alex down on the bed, removed Alex's black secretary glasses and put them on the bedside table. Before she joined the raven-haired woman on the bed, she let her shirt slid off her shoulders, down on the floor and snaked her way out of the black jeans.

She slowly lowered herself down on Alex and tucked a black hair out of her face before she gently kissed her. When their lips locked together, Alex placed her hands on Piper's ass and pushed her forward to get some more friction.

Piper shifted her weight so that she had one hand free. With her liberated hand, she undid Alex's bra and slid it off of her. As soon as the raven-haired woman's breast were uncovered, Piper wasted no time and started to massage one of them. She could hear how Alex moaned softly at her actions.

Even if she loved to devour Alex's soft, marvelous breasts, she wanted the grand price, which were still covered with smooth fabric. As slowly as she had undressed the other woman, she moved her hand down her pale skin towards her awaiting award. She could feel all of the muscles under her fingers and how they reacted to her touch. It always amazed her how Alex's body reacted to her simple touch. It was something she hoped never died out between them, how just simple touches ignited their flame into a large roaring fire. A fire made of love and passion for each other.

When her short journey was finished, she cupped the raven-haired woman's sex through her panties and felt how damp the fabric had become. They both moaned and Alex released her pressure on the others ass, so Piper had full access to her aching center. They made eye contact and Piper started to slowly rub circles around Alex's clit. The raven-haired woman moaned softly at the motion but had a pleading gaze. Piper understood what she was pleading for, but couldn't resist the urge of teasing the other woman, like she herself teased. Piper didn't think of this as cruel teasing. It was only a way to build the tension and passion a bit more, but on the other hand, it was always exciting to hear Alex plead to be touched.

She rubbed harder and felt how Alex's hips started to respond to the touch. Piper suddenly felt a hand on the back of her neck and how she was pushed hard against the other set of lips. She could her the pleading moans being muffled against her own lips and she found that she didn't have the heart to tease the other woman anymore. Even if it wasn't cruel in her intentions, this was a time were no teasing or words were needed to make it all feel right. So instead of continuing this slightly cruel touching, she slowly made her way to the waistband of Alex's silk panties and pushed them down in an equally timed motion as before.

She removed the underwear completely and caressed the other woman's long slender leg on her way up again. Alex grasped her blonde hair when Piper felt her out and spread her open. Piper moaned again when she could really feel how wet Alex was for her.

She started to rub slow and big circles around her clit, making the other woman moan contently and her hips followed the pace that her finger had set. Piper broke the kiss and stared into the other set of eyes before feeling completely overtaken by lust and kissed Alex hard again.

Piper's circles grew bigger and she slipped a finger inside her before drawing it back and making another circle around her clit, repeating the motion again. Her finger slipped in with ease due to how wet and ready Alex was for her, so she used two fingers to be able to fill her up more. Alex started to moan louder and her hips follow to the rhythm Piper had set.

Piper broke the lip contact, only to place kisses along her jaw and down to her neck as Alex clung to her harder. She spent some time there, sucking hard on the skin to leave a mark on the pale skin, before she kissed a trail down to the raven-haired woman's breast. Piper took the nipple in her mouth and devoured it while never stopping the motion with her hand.

Alex's other hand was still on her ass, but had wandered under her pantie line. She squeezed hard, like her life depended on it.

Piper withdrew from the hard embrace as she made her way down lower with kisses. Alex repositioned herself and spread her legs wider to give Piper more space as her body traveled closer to her center.

When Piper finally reached her goal, she placed kisses along her right thigh, before she placed them on Alex's outer lips. She could hear the raven-haired woman's anticipating breathes and decided to get on with the show. Not because she would want the show to be over, she only wanted to be a gentle lover and give what was needed with mercy and she had been cruel enough already.

She licked the length of her slit, spreading the outer lips and settled on the clit, licking hard and quick around it. To please the other woman further, she inserted two fingers again. Alex moaned deep at this and bucked her hips up to meet her motions better and feel them harder. Piper smiled a bit and loved what her motions did to her girlfriend. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sounds that escaped Alex's mouth and how her body felt against her fingers and mouth. Alex grasped her blonde hair and pushed her further against her sex, and Piper loved it even more. She felt how this act of love turned her on even more than undressing the other had. It was so erotic seeing Alex let go of her power, only to reclaim it with a simple gesture, such as pushing her face harder against her. While in reality, Piper held all the power over her at that moment. Again, this wasn't a display of who was in charge, but still the sight and act of Alex letting her power go was overwhelmingly erotic to Piper. It became even more clear that Alex let all of her control go as she got closer to the edge.

When Alex came, she didn't stop her motions. She only made them softer and a bit slower. Piper wanted to hear her sounds again and see the show from a front row seat this time.

As she kissed her way up to Alex's mouth she felt the other body beneath her, how it squirmed under her, how she herself knew how it was to be in that state of ecstasy, how it all was just almost too much but it felt too good to be too much. She also saw how Alex had her eye's shut, squeezed hard together, how she desperately gripped the sheet's and how her chest rose and fell in a quick motion. She knew that the raven-haired woman hadn't calmed down from her climax and felt confident that she could bring her a new one. She bent down and kissed Alex's lips once again and when their lips met, Alex embraced her hard again. Gripping to her so desperately, wanting of another heavenly gift that Piper's finger could give her.

Alex broke the kiss and gripped Piper's hair.

"Don't. Stop." Was all Alex could manage to breathe out, followed by a breathy moan, mid ecstasy. Piper only nodded and resumed their kiss, never stopping her fingers.

After a while, she felt Alex's body stiffen as she moaned deeper, her whole body jerking. She continued the motions a bit longer, only so Alex could ride out the whole orgasm. Piper felt how her arm burnt slightly from the intense work it had performed and dropped down on the raven-haired woman's side and watch her come down form her high.

Alex turned around and smiled. A simple expression that told Piper that she was very content and grateful for the feelings she had just received. Piper scooted closer and draped and arm around the other woman and kissed her slowly.

During their kiss, Alex turned Piper on her back and started to pull down her underwear. It was Piper's time to cling to the other as hands caressed her naked skin and filled her body with even more lust and passion. As Piper had done, Alex kissed her way down to her sex.

By the time Alex settled between her thighs, Piper was ready to explode with need. She drew a sharp breath when she felt Alex's hot tongue lick a long trail up her slit. Her hands gripped the sheets tight as her body and mind prepared for the amazing journey that Alex's mouth was about to give her.

When she felt fingers enter her, she let a breathy gasp escape her lips in between her escalating moans and her hips met the fingers that had set a steady rhythm.

It didn't take long before she came hard and just like Piper had done, Alex didn't stop her motions.

She received more than her fare share of orgasms by Alex wonderful mouth. If she counted right, it was four amazing, mind blowing orgasms that left her and Alex exhausted, but who counted when they all were heavenly and given with love.

Piper stared into Alex's spring green eyes. She just felt like she was drowning in those eyes every time she allowed herself to get lost in them. It wasn't horrible, as drowning really is, it was a sweet kind of suffocation that filled all of her senses with calm. She just felt like her whole being became calm and that was the most soothing feeling ever. As a bonus, they were beautiful too.

As it always seemed though, she had a gnawing feeling inside of her. It was really more of a thought. A thought that made her frown, but she didn't let it show since she could see Alex's eyes beginning to drop. She didn't want to disturb the raven-haired woman's incoming sleep that slowly began to cradle her in it's soft embrace.

After some time, she could hear how the raven-haired woman's breath grew heavier. She wanted to voice her thought, but didn't really seem to find her voice. It may have been because she was afraid to wake the sleeping beauty in front of her or that she couldn't really find the courage to do so. She wasn't really sure and it didn't matter either.

Her mind debated wildly about speaking or not, but as it always seemed, she spoke without even thinking about it.

"I think you left me before I left you..." Piper whisper softly and quietly. She was almost chocked to hear her own voice, but immediately felt better after she realized that the actual words had left her mind. Like somebody had lifted a weight from her shoulders. To her horror though, she heard Alex release a heavy sigh and shift a bit.

"What?" The raven-haired woman asked in a more raspy voice than usual. Alex raised herself up on her elbows to try and see Piper better.

"What do you mean I left you before you did? " Alex rubbed her eyes some as she waited on the blonde to explain herself.

"Emotionally..." Piper said and fiddled a bit with the cover, adverting her eyes from the other woman. Even so, she felt eyes burn into her, demanding a clearer answer. Piper sighed.

"You were just so stressed all the time and wasn't really there even if you were physically there. You stopped caring about us. You just wanted the next drop to go smoothly and what not. It was all about your job." Piper said, but still didn't look at the other. She only awaited the explosion to come that was Alex lashing out on her with an explanation to why it had been like that and that it was not the case as Piper put it. Instead of yelling, she was only met with silence and Alex dropping back onto the mattress. Piper finally looked up and saw that she was on her back, staring up into the ceiling.

"I'm not saying this to justify me leaving you at that time. It was just something that came to my mind, and I know it was a shitty thing to do, no. I can't even begin to explain how shitty that was of me and I've beaten myself up for it so many times. It's just that..." Piper didn't get any further with her own explanation rant as Alex silenced her with a soft hand on her mouth.

"I know." Alex said and removed her hand. She was now turned towards Piper again.

"I know I left you emotionally then, but it was all crazy fucked up. The time wasn't right for us, I think. And it's in the past so it is what it is." Alex said as she sighed and rolled back onto her back. Piper was quiet and waited for Alex to continue, but was just met with more silence. She moved closer to the raven-haired woman and wrapped and arm around her waist.

"I'm sorry, I know it's in the past and it's really dumb to bring it up, but..." Piper paused unsure how to continue to explain herself.

"Sometimes, things like that just bothers me and I don't know, we didn't really have time in prison to talk it all out. I don't know, it just eats me up and sometimes it just spills. I'm sorry if it bothered you." Piper withdrew her arm from the other woman and turned around, suddenly bothered by the raven-haired woman's reaction. She could her Alex sigh, but nothing more. Great, fucking great, Piper thought. She didn't want to end their conversation like this, but felt too bummed by Alex reaction do try and make it up. Piper heard another sigh and felt the movement in the mattress.

"It's okay. Like I said before, I like that you say what's on your mind. I know how you get when you're left on your own with your thoughts and worries. It's better to voice it all, okay? It's just that I feel so done with the past, and we both should be." Alex said from behind her back and she felt an arm around her waist.

"You need to stop worrying about everything. It was what it was. We both did shitty things back then and we can't take that back." Alex said and placed a kiss on her shoulder.

"Mm..." Piper said deep in thought. She didn't want to disagree with the raven-haired woman any more. She was right, she really needed to stop worrying about everything.

After a while, she felt how her body came to life once again and she felt how hungry she really was.

"Are you hungry?" Piper asked and turned around and saw a smirk plastered on the other woman's face.

"Pipes, I don't think I can _eat_ anymore, I really think I dislocated my jaw this time. Man, it sucks getting old." She said, her smirk never fading an inch. Piper playfully shoved her shoulder and laughed softly.

"Dirty, dirty mind. I meant real food, and really, since when aren't you hungry for more of me?" Piper said, inching closer, and put a finger on Alex's lips.

"Mm." Was Alex only response as she kissed the blonde and chuckled a bit.

"A never ending hunger, but when I feel like my jaw is gonna drop to the floor unaided by your beautiful body, I don't feel so hungry anymore." Alex said and smirked again. There she was, Piper thought. My beautiful and confident girlfriend. She really wished that Alex wasn't so broken and had the lows she had. Then again, she was also broken in her own way, maybe by her own hand more than anything else. Slowly tearing herself apart during the years after her prison stay, stripping down the facade she had built up before that.

She thought back to the beach where Larry had proposed to her. Piper had told him to make her time into something meaningful, that she would be crafty and become ripped. She did get ripped, not ripped in the sense that she had the body of a bodybuilder, but ripped apart. That was back when she led her life as someone else but herself, though, without really knowing it. It wasn't her intention to get ripped apart, but she figured she already was, since she didn't really fit into the precast model that was her life. The whole problem though, was that she didn't realize that she didn't fit into the model. That _that _wasn't her and she had only began to realize that in prison. It had been a bumpy road trying to puzzle herself back together. She was far from done on that part, but felt like it became a bit easier with Alex in her life.

Like Alex said, she needed to stop worrying. It would all be good.

"Come with me and let me still another hunger of yours that I know you have." Piper smirked and sat up in the bed, stretching out a hand for Alex to take.

They didn't bother to take on clothes and just scrambled some food together that they found in the fridge. It wasn't a grand feast, but it settled their hunger. Since it wasn't a pompous fancy dinner, they ate it naked. Even so, it was a beautiful meal just because it was simple, no facades were needed, no make-up or excessive glamour-show to put on for each other, just them in their simplest form.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: **Just a heads-up, this chapter will contain a spoiler from season two! If you haven't watched it to the end, don't read this chapter. PM me and I could send you this chapter without the spoiler, it's only in a dialog. Sorry for the inconvenience.

I just hope this chapter makes things a little more interesting. Thank you all again for the follows, favorites and reviews. It means the world to me.

Thanks for reading. Love always.

_**A visit from the silent friend**_

During the week, Alex went to some job interviews, but none seemed to have been successful. She seemed to have done her best in finding a job, but only with some success, due the interviews. Piper didn't want to think that Alex sabotaged some interviews just because she wasn't interested in it. She had faith in the raven-haired woman that she would do her best in finding a job, even if it would suck to some extent.

Piper had to go back to work, which left Alex alone most of the time. It was really hard at first for Piper to leave Alex alone. For all Piper knew, the world was dark and sometimes scary, even if the raven-haired woman seemed to handle it really well. Piper just wanted what was best for her and maybe a little time alone was actually good for the both of them, considering that they had spent a whole week together and maybe it was hard for Piper because she didn't want to be separated from the other woman so soon. Life had to go on and she had faith in that a little time apart was good and like it should be, even if it felt ridiculously hard.

Alex sat in front of the computer and scrolled through some pages that advertised jobs. Piper sat and worked on the proposal to Barneys. She had to get it done by the end of the day so they could finally start to sell and earn some real money, all they had to hope for was an approval and they were on the shelves.

Piper was also wondering if she should get a different job. She was quite fed up with working at the hotel, but if Alex didn't find one, she couldn't risk both of them being without jobs. Hopefully, PoPi would bring in some money soon so they didn't have to limp trough life financially. Sometimes, she just wished Alex had hidden away a huge stash of money that she could access now. It felt unethical to think so, but life just felt so hard without all that money. She missed how easy life could feel if one didn't have to think about money all the time. She had been temped to ask several times, but Alex had said she only had a little bit left from when she sold her mothers old house.

Piper sighed and looked up from the proposal and watched as the raven-haired woman read through some pages.

Alex was a really fast reader. She smiled at the sight and wondered what it would take to be a corrector for a publishing company or the like. It would probably take a college degree in English or something like that. She frowned, since she knew how smart Alex really was, she didn't need a degree of some sort to prove that. Piper just hoped that a job like that would do a test or something so the raven-haired woman could show her skills.

She went back to the boring task in front of her when it suddenly struck her that she should have visited Nicky last week. It had completely slipped her mind in her little love bliss. They both should have visited Nicky, since it turned out that Alex hadn't written a letter to their mutual friend for quite some time.

"You do know that you owe Nicky a visit, or at least a letter, right?" Piper said as she wrote a correction to Polly's words in the margin.

"I know. I sent her one a few days ago, asking if she would put me on the list." Alex said but didn't turn around.

"Good, then we can see her tomorrow?" Piper said and looked over at the raven-haired woman again, who turned around at the question.

"Um actually, would you mind if I went there all by myself?" Alex looked down at the floor while she said this. Piper swallowed hard and went back to her papers. Emotions swirled in her head and she felt that tugging feeling plant itself in the center of her stomach. She clenched her jaw. Why didn't Alex want her to go with her? It felt like she didn't want to do anything with her, like she was just Alex's portal back to normal life. That is really fucking stupid, Piper, she thought. She knew that Alex wasn't using her as some portal, but it still felt like she was excluded so much. If she was being honest, it was really that she had to work that made them spend so little time together and the raven-haired woman had to do her thing. She tried to swat her incredibly stupid thoughts away, but couldn't completely.

"No. You go, I'm sure you have a lot to talk about." Piper said down into her work and willed her voice to sound light and unaffected by the raven-haired woman's request. She heard how Alex rose from her chair and felt herself being dragged up from her chair, not in a forceful way, it was gentle. Alex made her look into her eyes.

"Look, it's not like I don't..." Alex started, but Piper cut her off.

"It's fine Al. You do what you have to do." Piper said and smiled a bit and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. The raven-haired woman just perked one eye brow up, looking very skeptical.

xxx

She regretted the decision of going alone as soon as she walked up to the prison building. All she wanted was a safe hand to hold, even though she hated to admit it. She had always been the one in control, the one that could handle any situation in a cold and cool manor. Due to that, she had had no trouble advancing and succeeding in her former employment. The feeling of not being in control scared her more than she would ever admit. Despite the fear she could feel coursing through her body, she dragged herself into the dreaded building.

When she was patted down, she was just for a micro-second back in her stiff, monochrome and horribly ugly khaki prison uniform. Piper had been right, it really felt like one jumped out of an airplane without a parachute. It was like she had a black hole in her stomach and she felt jumpy, like a deer caught in the headlights, and that pissed her off. It was just that here, in this very building, she wasn't in control. It was weird how just a building could make one feel so small, insignificant and unable to control anything. Like back when she went to school, where those stupid, fucking condescending cunts made fun of her in any way they could. It even went as far as fists and hair pulling. Even so, the teachers and the headmaster didn't believe her when she said it was provoked. Even though Alex knew that there were teachers watching them at every recess, so they should know that she wasn't at fault. She was just so helpless and unable to manage the situation. No matter what she did, it had no effect or even made it worse.

She wasn't even able to walk past her former school without feeling the tugging in her gut or the swooping sensation of being dragged back in time and forced to relive memories she thought she had repressed a long time ago. It was the same fucking feeling and the same fucking power towering over her.

After the metal detector check was done, she could feel that she had both feet on the ground and that her hands were still free. She took some comfort in that and waited on further instructions. A guard with a bored expression dismissed her and she entered the all too familiar visitation room of Litchfield correctional facility.

The room wasn't crowded, to Alex relief. She couldn't spot the brunette so she made her way to a table back in the room. On her way there, she snuggled her hands up the sleeves of the knitted shirt that Piper had given her a few days ago. It felt smooth and comfortably warm and she knew she was incredibly sappy, but it made her feel a bit more secure. She wore black skinny jeans, and Dr. Martens to the shirt, it was her comfort clothes.

When she sat down on the chair, she shivered. There were just too many fucking memories in this place, things she didn't want to remember. The room held too many emotions and it felt like they were slowly making their way around the walls in her mind, seeping in like water does in brick walls after a winter, cracking the hard cement that held it all together.

Alex looked around the room with her hands still tugged up in the sleeves, but felt stupid about it. She didn't want to give the impression to the people there that she was scared, so rolled them up. Feeling a bit more in control over the situation by that small gesture. She knew appearance and the way she handled herself was everything. If one wanted to be in control, it was all about how people perceived you. The second you were perceived as weak, you already were, because then people thought they could take advantage of you and they would succeed in doing so, since you had made yourself smaller and more insignificant than you were.

She started to feel more and more nervous. It wasn't just about the place that once held her as a prisoner, but she was nervous about seeing Nicky. Her best friend, to which she hadn't said a single fucking word to in five long years. What a fucking friend I am, she thought. Alex hadn't really been the one who cherished relationships with other people. There had been a few, but none like Nicky. The brunette understood her on so many levels.

As she waited for the Nicky to appear, she started to fiddle with her black nail polish. She smiled a bit, remembering Piper painting it on her nails. The blonde had told her how sexy she thought it was on her. Alex smirked at this and could see the blondes hooded crystal blue eyes in front of her. Suddenly, a hoarse voice interrupted her walk down memory lane.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the silent friend." Alex looked up and saw Nicky place herself in front of her. She smiled and stood up to embrace the shorter woman in a hard and long hug. Unfortunately, Wanda the bloodsucking-dragon-cunt Bell was on duty and told them to cut it off. She even referred to her and Nicky as "inmates". Alex just glared at her with her best death stare and continued to hug Nicky, who actually hugged her back. When Wanda cleared her throat, Nicky just patted her back and separated them. She smirked back at Alex.

"Please don't turn soft on me again, Vause. We both know how that went down last time and there's too many observers in here. I'm not much of an exhibitionist." Nicky said as she sat down in the dark purple plastic chair and wiggled her eyebrows. Alex chuckled quietly and sat down as well, thinking back at that certain Christmas present.

"Yeah, you really know what to give a girl for Christmas." Alex smirked weakly. It felt too weird sitting there cracking jokes, pretending that about five years hadn't passed between them. It was rare that she didn't have words, but at that moment she didn't have any. To her luck, Nicky could seem to babble all day long.

"Thought you were a rocker, but you're just dress as some grunge hipster-kid, or whatever." Nicky laughed and Alex just gave her the finger but the comment made her smile a bit. She sighed.

"Yeah well, just sometimes. Can't afford to have that style all the time any more. Too much hairspray." Alex chuckled weakly and stared down at her nails. She sighed again, steeling herself and tried figure out what to say but came up empty handed. It was better to just put it out there, without filters, she thought.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't send any letters to you... I just couldn't... I feel like the biggest asshole in the world for not doing it. I'm glad you kept it up though. It really helped." Alex said in a sincere voice while holding eye contact with the brunette. Nicky just shrugged.

"I know, kid." Nicky said and smiled a sad smile, but things never seemed to be serious for very long in the brunettes presence.

"We both know you are an asshole, but that's okay. You have different holes as well." Nicky said and smirked wickedly. Alex gave her the finger again and felt more at ease now that the serious matter was behind them. The both stilled from their laughter session and Nicky sighed and asked the inevitable question.

"So, how's everything in blondie-land?" Nicky looked a bit longingly at her.

"Good, still some shit to sort out, but no surprise there." Alex sighed and bit her lip.

"Did you raise hell on her for what she did?" Nicky said and sat up a bit straighter in the chair.

"No. Well some, but we've just talked about it, and it feels good. I can't deny that she really has my heart, Nicky." Alex said, and stared straight into the shorter woman's eyes as if to challenge her to say something smart-assed about it.

"I can see that, and you've got hers' as well, ya'know." Nicky said and looked at Alex sincerely.

"Yeah, but I mean, I wanted to be mad at her, but I just fucking can't, and I'm done being mad. I'm just done with it, there's no point, and I only see myself with her." Alex said and paused, looking around the room before she continued.

"It really surprised me that she is taking this it all so hard, though. It's like she hasn't processed anything..." Alex said and looked down at the table.

"You surprised, really? Thought you knew how she worked." Nicky said with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, but still Nicky. It happened so long ago and she's still beating herself up about it and dragging in even older shit along the road, pissing me off at the same time." Alex said and clenched her jaws.

"Oh, come on Vause. You know Piper. As far as I'm concerned, she has shut down over the years lying to herself just so she could manage." Nicky said and raised her eyebrows as if stating the obvious.

"But she so different, she speaks her mind about how she feels and really just tells the truth about how she's feeling and everything and seems more at ease with who she is." Alex said and gnawed on her bottom lip a bit, staring blindly in front of her.

"That's not what I'm saying." Nicky sighed and rubbed her temples a bit.

"Look, she has gone from WASP to a more, how shall I put it... Aware and caring woman, she isn't as up-tight as she was. That's one thing, but that doesn't mean that she has been in contact with her feelings. You know how it goes. We all do it in order to manage things that are difficult in our lives. That's what I did with drugs, you did it as well. You become half a person when you do that." Nicky said and raised her eyebrows again at Alex, who just sat there, contemplating what the brunette had just said.

"And, I think you have made her feel again. You stirred the dust back up and now she has to clean. Which we both know she sucks at." Nicky said and Alex just raised her eyebrows and stared at Nicky in silence.

"And you know, you gotta let her clean, even if _you_ don't like it." Nicky took her hand and squeezed it quickly before any of the guards in the room could notice, like she was closing the subject of their conversation, for which Alex was grateful. She didn't want to take that discussion with Nicky. Maybe it wasn't Piper who sucked at cleaning, but she herself that really played the b-team in the "clean-your-shit-up"-league. Nicky interrupted her train of thoughts so she couldn't contemplate her position in the matter further.

"So, you got some snatch in the new prison?" Nicky said and waggled her eyebrows with a huge smirked playing on her lips. Alex chuckled a bit, happy that the brunette had changed the subject. She didn't want it to seem like she was only there to discuss Piper. The brunette had done more than her fair share in the process of getting the two of them back together again, which she was ever so grateful for and she wanted to be the best friend she could be to Nicky from now on.

"No, I'm not in to older women, or snotty brats for that matter. It was not a good play field." Alex chuckled and looked onto Nicky.

"Oh please, Vause. Rumor had it that when you first laid eyes on the ever so good Figueroa you practically drooled yourself dehydrated." Nicky laughed out. Alex just flipped her the finger, but smirked wickedly as she remembered it quite clearly.

"Well, I do love a woman in a skirt." Alex said, as she laughed with Nicky.

"And, a woman who know how to rule a room." She laughed even harder at this and the brunette joined in as well.

"If that's true, you should have seen me with a skirt, in a room." Nicky smirked and waggled her eyebrows. They both laughed at that and seemed to refrain from their small talk a while. Mostly trying to catch their breath from the laughter. Alex looked around the room again, feeling how a serious atmosphere lowered itself upon them. A visitation room in prison wasn't the place for banter and laughter, she felt it all too clearly. Almost like they had just committed a serious crime, but barely gotten away with it. She sighed and looked back at Nicky, who had also taken this pause to look around the room aimlessly.

"So, what are you still doing here?" Alex asked softly. From what she remembered, Nicky had just two or three years left when they had parted ways. She wondered what the brunette had done to land her ass back in prison. Alex just hoped that it wasn't drugs or something related to it.

When Nicky got the question she shifted in her chair and took another sweep around the room with her eyes, seemingly stalling her answer to the question.

"Got caught with a bag of heroin." Nicky stated flatly, like it was as normal as being caught by your mom, eating candy before dinner. Alex closed her eyes and felt a cold spread through her body. Before she could ask what Nicky was doing with a bag of heroin and how much it was, Nicky interrupted her with more explanation, but lowered her voice significantly.

"I was trying to nail a nasty, shitfaced, motherfucking cunt who had started to bring in drugs. She almost fucking killed Red because she wanted her channel in to the prison. I was desperate and careless and a guard caught me with it." Nicky said. Alex looked at Nicky with wide eyes and her eyebrows raised high.

"What the actual fuck?" Was all Alex could manage to say, she was too shocked to say anything else.

"How the fuck aren't you in max?" Alex whispered out.

"It was not even a dime bag and you know this shit-pile, they didn't want the warden to find out. Plus, I hadn't taken the shit so they couldn't throw me in seg either for detox." Nicky said. She lowered her voice even more.

"I ratted the shithead out when they wanted to know where I got it from, but unfortunately for me, she had figured out how to escape and was found dead." Nicky said and clenched her jaw a bit. Her eyes danced with emotions that Alex could only read as anger and sadness, but before she could dig further into the matter Nicky continued.

"So I only got more time for drug possession, like two more years." Nicky said and adverted her eyes around the room again. It was clear that the brunette felt like it was really unfair that the supposedly shitfaced cunt got an easy way out via death. Alex found that she couldn't agree more, even if she hadn't been there to watch it all fold out.

"Karma's a bitch." Nicky finally stated. Alex could only nodded in agreement and sighed with relief that Nicky hadn't taken the drug and got to stay at Litchfield and not dragged away to max.

All too soon, the visit hour was over and they had to hug goodbye.

"You be good now." Alex said as she embraced Nicky hard, not really wanting to let go.

"You too, and write some letters will ya?" Nicky asked and Alex nodded, too aware of the dept in letters she owed this woman.

Alex entered the bus after she'd payed the fare and began the inevitable search of a place to sit. It was quite hard to see as it was really dark outside.

She tried to find an empty seat so she wouldn't have to interact with anybody. It would be too awkward and she wasn't up for another bus rid being as awkward as the one who took her to the prison. She was sure that people who took this bus was all too aware of the fact that it stopped right outside a prison and was sure to stare her out. If she had to take a seat with someone, they would surely switch seats, thinking that she was a newly released criminal. It was just too much to ask of her at that moment to interact with someone or have to deal with rudeness.

She found an empty seat way back in the bus and sat down by the window. A heavy breath escaped her and she suddenly felt really tired. The visit had been really exhausting. Being back in the prison, being patted down and just the whole atmosphere had just stolen all of her energy. She had really been a fucking idiot for going alone, she thought, but at the thought of the blonde she suddenly felt a bit stiff. She wasn't sure she really felt up to seeing Piper right away when she got back. It made her heart heavy and energy level sink even more. At the same time, she just wanted to snuggle with the blonde and make all the bad memories that were associated with prison to go away. She sighed heavily again and stared at the scenery that was embraced by the darkness, only to be suddenly illuminated by a passing car and to fly past her into darkness again. It all past her in an incoherent blur as she sat on the bus, much like her thoughts kept passing in her head.

She could feel how Nicky's words about letting Piper clean up started to creep under her skin. Alex knew the brunette was right, they had to sort all their old shit out too, but she just could go there. It felt like it was her fault and she didn't have it in her to carry that blame anymore, because she knew how true it was. It really was her fault. She had spent enough time in prison serving her time for the crimes that she did and she didn't want to spent more time in some shithouse just because of old mistakes. Because that was all it was, mistakes. It was a real fucking mistake to let Piper carry that bag and asking her to do it all again. It was a mistake taking up on Fahri's offer. It was a mistake to go and see her father... She closed her eyes at that thought. The root of all evil. She could never go there in her mind. It hurt too much even thinking about it. Even so, if she hadn't done it she would've never met Piper.

She sighed and thought that there was really no point in regretting and reliving her life. Trying to relive her life in what-ifs would make her go crazy. It had already gotten to her, since it had happened more than once when she tried to sort her fucking life out. Sometimes at night in prison, the words "what if" echoed in her mind endlessly for hours, making her relive all the possible lives she could have had. This would go on until she fell asleep from pure exhaustion, only to wake up from a nightmare that seemed to squeeze all the blood out of her heart and she was unable to fall asleep again. It was pure fucking torture. Not even a hired assassin from Kubra would've done his sick torture better. Working in the library had really saved her life in a way. In there, she was able to live someone else life for a while and not get tangled in her own devious mind.

It was what it was, but there was still regret lingering in her mind. She closed her eyes yet again and tried to make the hurt go away, but it didn't seem like anything would calm her down. Not even Piper's words to her after their first night together as free women were doing any good. She felt like she didn't deserve it. Even though both of them had fucked up royally so many times, it always felt like it came down to her. She was the root of evil. Alex felt how tears started to form in her eyes, but tried to fiercely force them away. She wasn't going to fucking cry on a bus with random people on it. She wasn't that type of a person, she was strong and didn't crumble under any amount of pressure. Like a monument that stood tall and proud during centuries. That had to endure whatever force mother nature threw at it. She was that. She didn't even know when she had become a person that regretted things. Was it when she had lost it all a-fucking-gain? When she was removed from the prison she had just come to call home? When she had to leave friends just because some old homophobic man decided that transferring her, the evil lesbian, to another prison was his revenge for making his "Straight A-inmate" not straight anymore? She couldn't really say, but it sure as hell had started to haunt her mind that she could have lived her life so much better and made better decisions. Alex clenched her jaw and tried to will her mind to still as she wished the bus would go faster.

When she got back to the apartment building, she slowly dragged herself up the stairs. It felt like her legs were incredibly heavy and made out of jelly, so climbing the stairs were harder than it should have been.

When she got outside their door, she fished out the keys, but suddenly froze. She didn't know if she wanted to go in there right now. The mood would just be wrong. Piper would be happy to see her and she was still in that dark place. It didn't fit. Piper would also ask a lot of question and she wasn't sure her voice would obey her.

So she just stood there, feet frozen to the ground, unable to move. She didn't want to go into the apartment and see how much she didn't deserve all of it. How it was really so unfair to Piper. That they both had this hold on each other. A hold that wouldn't go away no matter how hard they both tried to make it disappear. Being inevitable had a price; that no matter how much it hurt, it would never stop. It wouldn't ever stop coming around again and it was as if faith or some other great power had a real laugh at them, and that felt so unfair towards the blonde that neither of them could stop loving each other no matter what. Alex had known for a long time that she would never ever stop loving Piper, but when the blonde had said inevitable, it was like she finally understood what that meant. What never being able to stop loving someone meant. She tried to catch her breath and move, but all in vain. What she needed right now was a stiff drink to drown it all in. She couldn't let her mind wander any further than to alcohol. Alex knew all too well how harder drugs felt and it just made her loose all sense of control, even if her supposedly "best girlfriend" made it all numb in the best way possible, but she couldn't go there if inevitable was worth anything.

Suddenly, her mind went still. It wasn't light nor dark, it was just blank and still, but she still had a feeling that something wasn't right. It tugged on her stomach and almost itched. She just stood there and stared at the door.

Piper had raced from the couch as soon as she heard footsteps from the stairs at the appropriate time. She wanted to greet her girlfriend at the door and hug her hard and tight after the long day of separation. Since Piper had made that journey so many times, she knew when Alex would be home.

As she approached the door she could hear the footsteps come to a stop and smiled warmly, soon she would be able to hug Alex again. She could even her the keys jingle and her lips curled up even more. She had only to await the sound of the key unlocking the door and then every thing would feel fine, but the awaited sound never came. Piper frowned and wondered if she had mistaken it all for a neighbor, but that didn't seem right either since the footsteps had stopped and not proceeded past her door or up the stairs.

Piper decided to see what was going on and went to look out the peephole.

Looking through the peephole, she could she Alex staring at the door, but she seemed to be miles and she looked as lost as a little child in a big, dark forest. Piper felt her how her heart clenched at the sight. Why did her girlfriend look so scared? She wondered if she should open the door or just let her come in by herself. Piper decided against opening the door and just wait her out, giving her a sens of space. To her horror though, she saw how Alex began to move towards the stairs. She wanted to open the door and ask what she was doing, but didn't want to get caught spying. So Piper leaned away from the peephole and took a few steps away from the door, hoping fiercely that the raven-haired woman would open the door. She wasn't just hoping, she was craving that Alex opened the door so she could find out what was wrong.

All she could hear though, to her despair, was slow, heavy thuds leading down the stairs.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: **I'm sorry it yet again took me a while to update... but I guess this is the kind of interval I'm going to be able to handle now as uni is going to take up much of my time from now on. And this forces me to post chapters that I'm not happy with, but if I were to process this to the point of me being happy, I guess I would never post something... I just hope that everything makes sens in this chapter, and if it doesn't, please let me know!

Anyway, on to a more positive note! Thank you all for the follows, I've reached over a 100 followers and can't be more excited! Thank you times infinite! I can't believe that so many people want to continue reading my story! I am truly grateful for all your support!

Thanks for reading. Love always.

_**Disenchanted marathon**_

When Alex reached the front door of the apartment building, she immediately regretted descending the stairs. Even if her head screamed on her to keep going to get some space to think, her heart yearned for the comfort that Piper could give her, but she found herself completely numb. It scared her to feel so numb and the fact that it had come so quickly. It was like an ambush. There were no obvious warning signs that had alerted the fact that she was going to enter this state of mind and it scared the living shit out of her. That she, the strong, confident, know it all could go so numb that she wasn't really sure she knew how to command her legs to move properly or know how to exit this state of mind. She felt her throat tighten and how hard it became to breath. She felt like a complete slave to her mind. It was impossible to see the light in the tunnel.

She felt numb in the sense that she couldn't move, like she wasn't attached to her body, but she could sure feel emotions swirl faster than an oncoming train in her head. Even so, she felt how she gripped the door handle so hard it actually hurt, but that didn't really make her snap out of it. It didn't really matter that it hurt either, it was just something to keep her grounded.

They only thought that seemed to make sens at that moment was that she should run before Piper could come to conclusions that all the mishaps in their life together was all made by Alex. It would hurt too much to relive it all again. To watch her leave a second time, or was it a third time? There was no chance in hell she would survive that. Of course she knew that it was really bullshit, and freaking stupid. It always takes two persons to fuck up, but she couldn't make herself feel that. She wanted to run for all she was worth. Run so Piper could have what she was worth, but she felt so done with that also.

It was almost always Piper who ran before. Alex figured she fled in other senses, manipulated herself out of the conversation or situation or just used sex as a distraction, only when it came to Piper, though.

How the hell had they both coped months in prison with each other? When they both seemed to be such compulsive conflict runners. She guessed that one couldn't really run away from it all in prison and it was really hard feeling that one didn't at least have the option to run. At this moment thought, she had that option, but couldn't feel like it was the right thing to do. Like every fiber in her body restrained her from doing it, like her body incarcerated her much like prison had put her behind bars, not letting her escape anything the way she wanted to. Was it the fact that Piper had stopped running away that made her stick like glued to the floor?

She figured one particular incident had taught her more that she was willing to admit about the subject of deflecting confrontation. The dryer incident. The best thing about it was that she got to spew her shit on Piper, but the most important thing about that situation; she realized that she couldn't avoid confrontation forever. It was made so clear by that piece of glass that was between them. Piper was forced to stay, that time, and help her out of that God damned machine and Alex was forced to stay and let herself talk. But at this moment, she wasn't trapped in some space that forced her to deal, so what was the point? Why didn't she run? Was it because it actually paid of not to run? That that time, Piper had come back to her and actually made it feel like they could build something again. This time though, she guessed that Piper was the one behind the glass and she was the one getting shit thrown at her. It wasn't too much fun being on the receiving end of shit throwing, so running away seemed way more attractive. It was even hard to feel that she did deserve it, even if she knew, deep down, that she did. Even if it was the less attractive choice, it felt like an obligation to go back to the apartment and take it all. Take responsibility for what had happened and just sort it all out, but she still couldn't make herself turn around a walk up the stairs. She felt split into two. She forced herself to closed her eyes to feel some sens of control. As if closing them would silence her head, making it easier to decide what she would do. The first step was to make her body obey her mind, at least to let go of the handle of the door.

Slowly she managed to let go. She could really feel how stiff the joints in her hand had become and tried to flex them to make them less stiff.

Alex just stared at her hand, not just stared, but really felt how her skin felt against itself. It was a surreal feeling, but strangely calming. She had never wondered or thought of how her own skint felt. It just amazed her how many small details she seemed to missed every day. She wasn't sure she had really felt how _Piper's_ delicate and smooth skin had felt against her own the last time they touched. It never occurred to her how important it was to cherish it and she had to make sure that she was never deprived of that feeling again.

It was that thought that made her take the first step up the stairs.

When Alex entered the apartment, it was dark and eerily quiet.

She found Piper in the living room on the couch, staring blankly into thin air. It didn't seem like she had even registered that Alex had entered the room, so she just sat down on the couch, beside the blonde and waited on her to land back into reality. She kept her gaze towards the same point Piper stared at.

After some time, sitting in silence, Alex sighed heavily, not seeming to be able to snap out of her mood completely. She could hear how Piper shifted in her seat, but couldn't muster up the energy to look at her.

"Baby, what's wrong...?" Piper asked in a hushed tone. Alex could only shake her head. Words were not going to leave her mouth at the time. They just couldn't, it was impossible.

"I... I saw you stand outside our door. I'm sorry, but I was just so excited to see you again, but you looked so scared. What happened?" The blonde had shifted her whole body so it was fully turned towards Alex, but she still couldn't look at her. Alex shook her head, trying to say something, but nothing seemed to leave her mouth.

"Did someone feel you up? Were you put in cuffs as you waited? What happened, Alex?" Piper said with a worried voice. She shook her head again, only this time, she really tried to form words.

"Nicky... said somethings..." Alex voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper as her throat tightened. She could feel the tears starting to gather again. Her mind went into overdrive and she felt how a loop started to form, repeating the thoughts she had on the bus. All the different scenarios about Piper leaving her went on like a rerun of a bad sitcom in her head.

"What did she say?" Piper looked confused and about to embrace Alex, to provide comfort to her, but when she got closer, Alex moved away. Piper stopped dead in her tracks, raising her eyebrows in a silent question at the strange behavior.

"What the fuck, Alex?" Piper said, but remain still, letting her arms slump to her sides.

"She said you were right. We have to deal with our old shit as well, but..." Alex said, unable to continue when she realized how it all would sound to Piper.

"But what?" The blonde stated in a cold and serious voice, but somehow, it was still soft. Like it was softened by oncoming tears.

"But I can't... let you..." Alex breathed out.

"What?" Piper asked, sounding more confused this time. Alex just sighed, wishing hopelessly that Piper would stop asking questions and just embrace her, but that wouldn't be right either. She didn't deserve it.

"I can't go there. I just don't want to discuss it." Alex said, hoping this was the end of it. To her misery though, Piper sat up straighter to gain some ground, it seemed. Maybe so she had the illusion that she was the taller part and on that account gaining ground in the conversation.

"So you won't let me talk about our problems back then? To sort them out and finally put them behind us?" Piper asked, sounding more and more pissed, but still cold and calm. The worst kind of pissed off. Alex didn't know how to answer that without causing the blonde to really snap. There was only one answer to that, but that word was not what Piper wanted to hear. It was what it was and it seemed like it was best just to put it out there. Nothing could really make it worse.

"... No." Alex breathed out barley above a hushed whisper. She could she how Piper clenched her jaw and even in the darkened room, she could see how the color rose in the other woman's face. She studied Piper warily until the blonde all of a sudden exploded.

"Why are you so afraid of taking a fucking discussion? You always say how good it is of me to share my thoughts and feelings, but when I do, you flee, head first saying how you're so done and what ever. Why, Alex, why?" Piper said, gesticulating with her arms. Seemingly becoming more frustrated with the lake of response that Alex gave her, but it wasn't that easy. The words just didn't want to come out of Alex's mouth, but in the deadly silence that filled the room, Alex just couldn't take it anymore. She could feel how a shit storm of words came up out her throat, much like Cady in mean girls had described the feeling. It was word vomit. The worst part of it thought, was that it was all too true. Too true to be put in words. The kind of truth that hurt more than it did good, at least in the short term, but she couldn't help herself, it was after all, word vomit.

"Because the last time we had a fight, it ended in you taking a fucking decision that broke my fucking heart! And the last time we talked about out future, you did the same fucking thing!" Alex said, but regretted it immediately and wondered how long it would take for the blonde to process the words and leave the room. Alex braced for impact and how it would feel a second time around to be left by the blonde in a room, sad and alone. She could see Piper stiffen as she processed the words, a deep furrow formed on her forehead. Alex bent her neck and looked down on the floor. If it was shame or to prepare to be left, she couldn't distinguish.

"That is so fucking irrelevant, Alex. Don't blame this on me, that is not what we are talking about. I know I made those mistakes and it hurt you, but for Gods sake, that can't make you shy away from a conversation or an argument!" Piper said in a raised voice, but all Alex could feel was relief, if only for a moment. She could do an argument, she could do a fight. What she couldn't do was Piper leaving her all over again when she was in a state like this. She wasn't proud to admit it, but she needed someone around when she was sad. Alex couldn't do sad alone, that was what her whole fucking life was about before the cartel and after Piper, and that didn't end well. She had spent countless nights alone. Alone in the dark at night while her mom busted her ass off to be able to earn enough money so the apartment wouldn't be freezing, or land their asses on the street. It was really unsettling to have that feeling that one couldn't afford something as vital as food, or just the look on her mothers face when she told her that they couldn't afford something that Alex wanted. Eventually, Alex stopped asking for things, she couldn't bare that look. The disappointment she felt whenever she was declined something, became nothing to how that look made her feel.

It was just too traumatic reliving it all again. She was done with sad and all the feelings that went with it, but when it eventually became that way, she needed someone there to comfort here. No, not someone. There were only two persons she needed by her side when she was sad. It was Piper or her mom. Since one of them was gone, it was only one option left.

Before Alex had the chance to say anything else Piper's voice teared through the apartment, unafraid to wake any neighbors.

"So you really think that it's fair of you to say that I can't go back there and tell you what I think, because it's my fault? But when I tell you my support for you and express my love for you, you're glad that I can share that, because the 'evil' Piper Chapman was an emotional cripple that couldn't express what she felt before? Is that really what your telling me when you say how much I have developed?" As Piper voice raged over Alex, she had risen from the couch. Alex was completely taken aback by what left Piper's mouth. Was that how it all seemed? Sure Alex appreciated that the blonde had finally got the guts to say I love you first or just whenever she seemed to feel that way, but was it really that? No, it wasn't. She just felt really fucking guilty about it all, but to stunned to say anything, Piper interpreted that as a yes.

"Well thank you so fucking much for thinking so highly of me. I..." Piper stopped mid-sentence. Alex heard how she started to sob and finally looked up to the blonde to see her cry. Yet again, Alex found herself paralyzed from the blondes words. That was not the case, at all, she wanted to scream, but found her tongue still glued to the inside of her mouth, enabling her to say anything at the moment. As she tried to formulate words and actually making them sound, Piper gasped, taking the extended silences as a yes, that that was exactly what she had meant and started to leave the room. When Alex registered the movement she desperately forced some words out of her mouth. Fortunately for Alex, they were actually quite well put together, considering her current state of mind.

"I do love that you can express what you really feel now, but that's not what I mean by this all, Piper." Alex said in a thick voice. She hated seeing Piper crying, she hated fighting with her. She hated that she was the reason, hated that she was weak and had caved in to her emotions as much as she had done.

"Then fucking what?" Piper said angrily between her sobs as she stopped moving out of the room and turned around towards Alex again.

"I'm just..." Alex said, but was cut off by the blonde, who still hadn't left the spot only six feet away.

"Stop, Alex. What's the real reason you don't want to talk about it? Is it because it tears up old wounds, or is it just because I phrase it so good that you don't need to add anything or... I don't know! Talk to me, Al! I can't keep guessing! I thought you could tell me everything..." Piper said, in a voice that screamed hurt.

"Don't you have something to say about our relationship before?" Piper gesticulated wildly with her arms as she spoke, not letting Alex have a word as she continued her furious rant.

"Were you even emotional invested in it? Maybe all you remember is how your laptop keyboard felt and you just don't want to fix this..." Piper mumbled as she wiped away some tears from her cheeks, seemingly out of words.

That was it, that sentence, that accusation made Alex snap out of her paralysis and actually feel something else. Anger. How the fuck could the blonde even consider to make such a statement?! Alex rose from the couch, finally ready to battle with her voice.

"Of course I was emotionally invested in our relationship! Are you serious? I worked so fucking hard because I wanted to keep you safe because I wanted to give you everything! And honestly if I hadn't worked as much as I did, I would, no _we_ would have had a fucking rifle scope on our heads. So that's why I busted my ass of. So that I could..." Alex trailed off when she realized how bad that sounded. Like really fucking seriously bad. She had put the love of her life under such great danger and she hadn't even batted an eye about it back then. It was so seriously fucked up. She pinched her nose. It was over. Piper would realize that being with her would always mean to be in some sort of danger. This was yet another thing for the blonde to put on the con section on her pros and cons list: Why should I want to be with Alex.

Alex fell back on the couch again and shook her head, defeated by her own words. So what was the point in not just laying it all out there when she had lost anyway? How much could it really hurt, considering her previous statement? It was better than more silence filled with tension.

"Of course I want to fix it, but I don't want to talk about it because all the shit is my fault and I know it. It just can't go back to it, Piper. It... it hurts too much. I know what I've caused and why do we have to stir it back up?" Alex paused and sighed heavily. It was now or never to get it out of her system.

"I just want it all to be good. I don't want you to suddenly realize that I'm a horrible person that you don't want to be with." Alex said to the ceiling, not being able to muster up the energy to actually look at Piper while she spoke.

"And that is also fucked up. It's selfish if anything." Alex murmured, not wanting it to be completely silent in the room, and if she was being honest, it felt good to say all those things.

"Because seriously, how can you? I've been such a horrible person, I've put you in danger, too many times..." Alex leaned back even more on the couch and sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry, Piper. I'm sorry for it all. I know that my track record is shit... but I really do love you," Alex said and looked the blonde in the eyes, because she really meant it. She wanted Piper to know how sorry she was for all of it, that if she ever had the ability to time travel she would do it all over again, without all the mishaps.

Piper joined her on the couch after some time and took one of her hands, caressing her knuckles with her thumb in a gentle and soothing way.

"Do you realize what you are doing right now?" Piper said with her eyes on their hands.

"What?" Alex asked, confused of the direction the conversation suddenly took.

"You are doing the same thing that I did a couple nights ago." Piper paused and sighed lightly.

"We really have to stop thinking that we don't deserve each other. We both have done fucked up shit to each other. That's been established already, but we overcame that to some extent in prison. Right? Piper said and looked into Alex's eyes. Her blue eyes were red rimmed and still shiny, but she wasn't crying anymore.

"And we've both been really selfish at times, and sometimes you have to. It's okay. I know you aren't a selfish person, Alex. You just do what you have to do to survive. We're humans after all, and I guess we're selfish of nature." Piper said and looked down at their hands again. This time the silence, didn't feel so smothering. Piper had come back. She was sitting in front of her, holding her hand and tried to sooth her. Alex sighed and tried to think about it all more clearly. It was the same thing that Piper had done at that night, but it was so easy to fall into that hole called self blame.

"I know. It's just easier to forgive someone, I've come to learn." Alex said, stilling looking at Piper, who only nodded in answer.

After some time, Piper broke the silence.

"About the rifle scope thing..." Piper said in a hushed voice. It seemed that they were done talking louder than necessary. Alex was silent at the question, holding her breath, fearing what would come next. Maybe they weren't done talking loud.

"I'm glad that I didn't know." Piper said and engaged eye contact. Alex looked at the blonde like she was crazy and voiced her confusion.

"You're glad you didn't know?" Alex asked with a frown on her forehead. Confused as to why Piper was glad she didn't know she could have been in danger.

"Yeah, if I had known, I guess I wouldn't have stayed, and if I hadn't stayed I wouldn't have so many wonderful memories that I have now." Piper said and offered a small smile that actually rubbed off on Alex. She was too so grateful and glad she had stayed as long as she did.

"Me too."

After some time, Piper spoke again.

"But seriously, was it really that bad? That if you didn't work, they would have kill us?" Piper looked sceptically over at Alex. Alex shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, if I had ditched my work for a longer period of time, they would've lost money, and they don't want slackers, slackers could mean all kind of trouble. And I guess that the outlines of all the drops would've been more sloppy and risky, which speaks for itself... And about you. You would've just knew too much... So pretty much. I guess I could have talked myself out of it for a little while but in the end, they would've come for us." Piper stared at Alex with her big Bambi eyes.

"Wow... Well I'm sure glad that you don't do that anymore." Piper said and scooted even closer to her before she embraced her hard. Alex was happy to finally be able to embrace her back, even if it really hurt to know what her previous occupation could have cost them.

They sat tightly together on the couch, hugging each other fiercely. Alex squeezed Piper's gray sweatshirt into dense balls in her fists, as if trying to keep herself from falling down that bottomless black hole. Trying so hard to find her ground again, but all she was met with was chaos, as her thoughts collided with each other, creating this blurred mass that seemed impossible to erase and interpret. It was also trying to forcing tears out of her eyes. However hard she tried to fight them, it was a sense of relief that felt too good to deny herself. So, she let them fall. Piper must have felt them, because she asked a question that there really was no clear answer to.

"How did you become so broken?" Piper said and hugged her a bit harder. Alex paused for a moment to collect herself and willed her voice to sound somewhat steady.

"I guess just prison, the lack of friendship and contact with something that I'm familiar with... You know how it feels..." Alex whispered into Piper's hair.

"Well you know me and how good I am at dealing with emotional chaos" Piper said as they both went quiet again. Just basking in the comforting embrace as Alex tried to still her mind and just talk herself calmer. Piper was there for her. Piper wasn't going to leave just because she was a little bit more broken. Well, a lot more broken. And that's when it really hit her. However selfish the thought might have been after the conversation they just had. It was the only thing she could think of saying.

"Piper... take care of me." She could feel how the blonde squeezed her harder at those words.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN:** I just wanted to give my best friend a big shout out. She has done so much for this story. She is my sounding board and she has given me the courage to actually post something. So has all of you, all the reviews, follows and favorites, they all mean so much to me and keeps me going. So thank you a thousand times for that. I know I say this all the time, but it doesn't become less true. I just have so much to be grateful for and you all are the reason for that and I just want to remind you of that.

Little side note, my best friend has written a fanfic. Go check it out! It's called Always yours, it's so beautiful and really worth reading.

This is kind of a filler, but this is how I felt that I needed to progress with the story in order to get back on track with my outline for it.

Thanks for reading. Love always.

**_Resurface_**

When some of the worst emotions had subsided, they had just taken a silent shower in each others embrace. She knew how much the blonde adored showers and it may have worked for Piper, the feeling of being washed into something newer. As if the ugly words and truths could be washed away by the warm water, soap and a sponge. Alex couldn't really say the same. It was comforting to shower with Piper after the whole living room scene, but she couldn't shake it all away like tiny water drops. The silence didn't help either. They had been in this silence since Alex asked to be taken care of. It wasn't a declining silence, but more of an agreeing one. Even so, it felt like there wasn't enough room in the world. She needed something more than that tight embrace that said exactly what she wanted it to say, but it wasn't enough apparently. Somewhere along the way, it all started to feel so meaningless, so pointless in asking for comfort. She couldn't really say why it felt like that. It just did. Even if she was grateful that Piper would take care of her, she needed something more. Alex didn't say anything about it. She could see how strained Piper was after the whole ordeal. That was yet another bite in the sour apple.

They lay in bed. Alex being the little spoon for a change. She hadn't even thought about it, she had just let Piper embrace her without a word.

She fought hard with her emotions, not wanting to be alone, but at the same time she didn't want to voice it. Alex still wanted to be the independent human that she was, but when asking for comfort she felt like a little of that died.

She still felt raw after the talk they'd had. Nothing had really been cleared out, besides the fact that they needed to stop thrash talking and doubting themselves. It was easy to say, but harder to do. Alex was just waiting for the next question. Waiting for the next impact. She thought that it was going to be really tiring bracing for it all the time, but she couldn't really let go of the feeling yet. Not matter what Piper said, this was far from over. Her heart still ached from the conversation and even though Piper had done an award winning job in comforting her, she needed more and on some level, that felt wrong.

She could feel how Piper's body twitched lightly and how she let out a small whimper. The blonde would soon be gone to the world and Alex wasn't really ready to be alone just yet.

"Don't fall asleep on me, kid." Alex whispered and turned around to watch the blonde. She could see a frown on her forehead and how she slowly stirred from her hazy state and all Piper offered as an answer was a lame 'Mm'. Alex decided to change her tactics. She draped her arm around the blondes waits and brought her closer.

"Please... Don't leave me to your dreams... Not yet." Alex whispered in an even more hushed voice. It may have been cowardly of her to play the blame card, but it was all she had. She just wanted to talk and for once that day, let her mind wander elsewhere. She didn't want the blonde to feel bad about the so called "_P__aris scene"_ anymore. They both knew it was fucked up, and that was what it was. However, her tactics worked and Piper popped one eye open and move closer to Alex.

"You okay, Al?" Piper whispered. Alex couldn't answer that just yet. She hated that she was so sensitive to stress and her own mind when it came to sleeping. If she was nervous about something, stressed or just her mind spinning around on high drive, she couldn't fall asleep, and if she managed to, she would just have nightmares or sleep like shit.

"I guess..." Piper moved closer when she answered and planted a light kiss on her chest. She sighed heavily and started to draw calm patterns with her fingers on her back.

"That's not really the answer I wanted to hear, but I guess it's not really surprising either. You've had a rough day." Piper said and continued the motions with her hand.

"It's okay though. I'm here." Piper said and they both fell into silence again. She could feel how Piper started to fall asleep again. She took some comfort in that. That the blonde felt so comfortable in her embrace that she could fall asleep in five seconds flat almost every time she was held by her. Alex sighed, she didn't want to wake Piper again, but knew she herself wouldn't be able to get any sleep at all.

She started drawing comforting circles on the blondes back so that she could really be guided into the foreign lands of dreams.

After a while, she felt Piper twitch rather violently and how she woke up by her own movements. At first Alex thought that maybe she'd had a bad dream, but when Piper moved away some from her arms she could she how the blonde smiled.

"Happy to wake up to my face, kid?" Alex tried to joke. It seemed like a better alternative to yet another serious discussion in the same tracks as before. That road felt to worn down to be going down again anytime soon. And, Piper smiled, so why not go on in that set of tracks instead?

"I'm always happy to wake up to your face, but that's not the whole reason to why I'm smiling." Piper said, and her smile grew wider and deformed itself into what the blonde would think was a mysterious and smug smile. Alex just chuckled lightly at Piper's attempt to be mysterious, she was really bad at hiding something.

"Well, I do hope that you aren't cheating on me with some dream being, 'cus you can't have a three way with them and I'd rather not do you in your sleep, no action for me." Alex said and chuckled to her own statement. This was so easy for them. To banter and joke. It was like second nature for them. When one of them started, the other just joined in and followed the lead. Piper swatted her lightly on the arm, still smiling that smile though.

"Silly." Piper said and moved a bit so she was completely on her side so she could face Alex better.

"No, I was just taken back to a certain beach in a lovely, warm, distant country." Piper said and looked into Alex's eyes. Alex smiled at this, happy for this kind of distraction. There were so many memories on beaches in warm countries that Alex had stopped counting, but that didn't make them any less significant. She just let them fill her whole being and bask in them whenever she felt the need to. It was so soothing to do so, when she needed comfort she would go there. Go to the beach, in the sunset listening to the sound of the ocean. Hearing the wind slowly drag by. It was true balm to her soul. Even after she and Piper broke up. When things seemed to be darkest, she would go there. Even in her heroin induced high, her mind took her there, but those times, it didn't make her sad to see Piper underneath or beside her. It just made her heart swell and put a smile on her face. When she wasn't high though, she couldn't see Piper, that hurt too much. It was all to vivid. So some other mute took her role instead, even if she knew that the mute was Piper, it was nice to at least pretend she shared that memory with someone else.

"Tell me." Alex said and inched closer to the other woman, needing to hear the story to be able to fully relax.

xxx

_The sun was about to set and not a single word had been exchanged in the past hour. Sometimes one of them would sigh contently or snuggle up closer to the other. The sky burnt with vivid colors that only nature could offer. Heavy clouds lingered at the horizon and the sun was about to set behind them. The sky was a deep blue and all the clouds were painted in different orange and yellow tones, but it was all about to fade. Soon the world would be swallowed by the tropic darkness, but it didn't matter. The pair sat on a broad swing together. Alex had an arm around the blondes shoulders and Piper had her head on Alex's shoulder. That day, Alex hadn't been doing any work, which was a rarity. She had just spent the whole day tending to Piper and taken her to a local market to by ingredients for a home cocked dinner. Alex had rented a bungalow for the weekend and had promised not to work for the entire stay there. It was Piper's birthday gift and Piper had almost cried with joy to be able to spend some real quality time with Alex. Not in some dirty club with loud music or in a hotel room, hanging out with Alex's back when she sat and worked by her laptop, or just the dead time when they flew to some new country. _

_Piper sighed heavily and sat up a bit straighter in the swing, carefully so she wouldn't tip them over. Alex didn't take her eyes off the beautiful sunset but let her hand grasp Piper's. _

"_I love doing this with you." Piper said and squeezed Alex's hand gently. _

"_I wish we could do this forever." The blonde continued and this time Alex looked over to Piper. The both smiled gently at each other. _

"_There are so much more fun things to do, kid." Alex said with a smirk playing on her lips. She moved closer to Piper. _

"_But right now, there isn't a single place in the world I'd rather be." Alex said and kissed Piper gently. They both smiled into the kiss and even with their eyes closed they saw how the world became darker. _

"_I have something I want to show you. Come." Alex whispered in her ear as she stood up and held out her hand for Piper to take. The blonde followed and she was lead back to their beach bungalow. Lights were lit up to the front porch, casting their soft glowing halos onto the ground, giving the whole picture a soft and warm tone to it, as if the atmosphere was made out of love. Piper grinned happily to see just how romantic and caring Alex could be if she wanted to. _

_She was lead up to the balcony. There, even more candles waited accompanied by a blanket and a basket sure to be full of delicious food._

_Alex sat down and Piper joined her, still with a soft smile on her lips. The raven-haired woman moved closer and kissed her on the cheek before she leaned in to whisper into her ear. _

"_Happy birthday, Pipes." Alex kissed her ear before she moved out to kiss her on the lips. Piper smiled wide into the kiss and crawled into the raven-haired woman's lap, straddling her. She brought both of her hands up in those long dark locks and pulled her closer. The kiss was gentle, slow. Their lips just caressing each others. Her hands flowing through the dark hair that was silk smooth. Alex broke the kiss and smiled wide too._

"_Now, let's get some food of this delicious food I made earlier." Alex said and Piper moved out of her lap. Eager to eat it. Alex was a fantastic cook and had a talent for learning recipes by heart and could execute them like a local would have._

_The rest of the night was spent feeding each other small pieces of food and drinking cool champagne, not only from glasses or plates, but from each other. This developed to one of the more intimate love sessions they'd had. _

xxx

"That could be the best birthday I've ever had. You spoiled me so much that day!" Piper smiled and kissed Alex lightly on the lips. Even if the memories were so far back in time, they didn't feel distant or like they belonged to some other version of herself or a different life. They fit perfectly in her life. Maybe it had something to do with it being a happy one, but all the memories with Piper always fit with her.

"I love spoiling you. Especially when you get that grin of yours! Totally worth every pain in the ass that spoil you means." Alex said and grinned.

"Like when it feels like my jaw dislocates. Totally worth it." She could see how Piper blushed lightly.

"You love eating me out!" Piper said and snuggled up to Alex again.

"It still hurts, but you taste so good. I can't resist it." Alex said and chuckled a bit as she could almost feel the warmth from Piper's cheeks against her chest.

"I can't believe I made you squirt that time either! It was like my comfort present for not getting one at your birthday. You know, like really spoiled kids get when it's their siblings birthday, but not theirs." Alex laughed at the memory.

"Stop...! It was so embarrassing! I came all over your face..." Piper said and removed herself from Alex.

"Did you see me complaining?" Alex said and moved closer to the blonde again.

"No, more like smirk so much I thought you would break your face..." Piper said, covering her face with her hands. Alex chuckled deeply and removed the hands that covered the blondes face.

"Hey, can't a girl be proud for making her girlfriend come really freaking hard? I know you sure are proud when you do that."Alex said, while not breaking eye contact. Piper's only answer was to grin lightly and kiss her.

Alex felt somewhat calmer after their banter and shared memory. Piper was her light, the one thing that made her fight on. What could possibly be worth struggling for in life, besides her? Alex couldn't really tell. If she wasn't there, it would be so much harder to go about in life. Harder then she would have been able to handle. Maybe, she would've been forced to go on the sad drugs again, maybe she should, but the side effect weren't worth it. Not now, Piper didn't need her to nap all the time. She needed her strong like the force she once was. If they were supposed to do this and make something real, she needed to be strong.

It felt wrong to feel good about the talk and banter, but that didn't mean it wasn't nice to be distracted. She was at conflict. She had a hard time trusting the blonde's words. Especially when she knew what she herself had done and what the outcome may be to it. She could always hear the clock ticking over her head. It was yet another thing to brace for, but Piper didn't know that and she intended for it to be like that until she had no other choice but to tell. That was also wrong, but she wanted to keep Piper happy for as long as she could. She didn't even know what would happen, _if_ it happened. Even so, no matter the outcome, it would be okay. She knew it would, but the road to getting there was unknown. In the dark.

"Alex?"

"Hm?"

"It's okay. It'll be okay."


	18. Chapter 18

**AN:** Ugh, another hard chapter... Hope you guys can cope with me. I do promise that it's going to be all good. Do trust me.

I just hope this isn't weird or crazy or anything, I just felt I needed more dynamic so... Yeah and this has been the plan all along I guess.

I won't be able to post anything for a while... Uni is going to need all of my time, but I'll try and finish this before February, the one year anniversary of this story. Sorry I'm such a bad updater, but I want good grades. haha

I am starting to wrap this up so there will only be two more chapters.

Thanks for reading. Love always.

_**A bag of strawberries**_

A week had passed since their confrontation. It seemed like they returned to their little love bubble again and that every thing was fine for the time being. When Piper would come home from her shitty job, Alex would be there with dinner ready or a warm bath drawn. It was really nice to just be in that.

During the time Piper was at her job, Alex seemed to put in a lot more effort in looking for one. She managed to get an interview at a publishing company that set up a test for her. It seemed like they had really enjoyed her review on a book she had read. Piper had made that suggestion, that she would send a review with her resume so that the company she applied for realized that she was serious and not only a former criminal. The interview was with a small publishing company that mostly embraced younger authors and tried to steer them into the right directions and guide them to finally publish something. Sometimes it took years for the authors to publish anything, but when they did they were often a success. They company apparently had a private donor that kept the business afloat.

After the interview and test, they had thanked Alex and told her that she would have the answer in about a week. Alex tried really hard to be calm and not show too much stress, but not really being the patient one, she almost walked holes in the apartment floor waiting for the answer.

Luckily for Piper and her floors, the next few day's came with a much welcomed distraction; Barney's had finally accepted her and Polly's offer and now it was just a matter of producing the products and getting them to the store. So Piper had to take another week off of her job and just focus on it. She also included Alex in the process, to get some fresh eyes on their product and Alex had after all a sense of business.

A Thursday afternoon, a day before the order was due, Piper and Polly skyped going through the last details to check that everything could be delivered to them that Sunday. They all had a rough week, trying to perfect their line of products and throwing some new ones in, to show the Barney's people that they were to be counted on.

While she skyped with Polly, Alex went out to get some groceries for dinner. Alex had apparently planned a surprise to show her support.

Piper sat and listened to Polly when she suddenly heard the door to the apartment open and close rather hard. Piper frowned, Alex was a bit early. Thinking nothing more of this, Piper continued to listen to her talkative friend. About five minutes later, she still hadn't heard movement from the hallway, so she decided to go check on it. She quickly said goodbye to Polly with a promise to call back the morning after. They only needed to check a list of things that had already been done, they both were just a bit paranoid something would miss or be wrong. It was after all, their first big order.

Piper shut the lid of her laptop and went to the hall. There, she found Alex hunched over, no bags of food to be found. Something was wrong.

"Al?" Alex didn't answer, but only straightened herself out, so Piper could look at her fully.

She found that she bled from her lip and the skin around her cheekbone had was a dark shade of blue. Her hands clutched the sides of her ribs and on the right upper arm was a dark red stain.

"What the fuck? Who did this?" Piper rushed to her side and checked the raven-haired woman's face for more injuries.

"I ran into some friends of someone I named. They weren't too happy to see me." Alex said as she shrugged off her jacket and let it slip onto the floor, stepping out of her shoes and limped her way to the bathroom.

"What the fuck?" Piper said as she went to the fridge to get something cold for Alex's face.

"What do you think, Piper? You weren't too happy to see me the first time you saw me in prison. I bet you too wanted to punch my fucking face in." Alex said from the bathroom.

"Who was it?" Piper said from the kitchen. She found a bag of frozen strawberries and thought that it would do. It wasn't peas, but at least it was something cold.

Alex didn't answer the question. Piper went to the bathroom and stood behind Alex, locking eyes with Alex's mirrored ones.

"Who?" Piper asked again and the raven-haired woman looked down the sink and sighed heavily.

"Friends to Fahri..." Piper could see in the mirror how Alex closed her eyes and clenched her jaws. This was bad fucking business. She could feel her heart beginning to beat much quicker. If Alex was pushed by death threat to work so much, naming one of the more important people in the ring, was certainly equally to a slow and painful death sentence.

"You fucking named Fahri?" Piper said, exasperated. How stupid could Alex be?

"Are you fucking serious?"

"He was already indicted, he was taken before me. I didn't say anything in the first trail, but after the transfer, I just wanted to get out. I had been there for two years already. So I talked to my lawyer and asked if he could set up some kind of deal for me if I agreed to testify against somebody in the cartel. He talked to the DA and he said some pieces were missing in Fahri's case and the only thing I did was offer a testimony, which apparently gave him a longer sentence... and somehow, just like you, he found out that it was I how named him." Alex sighed.

"They fucking promised me anonymity and that it would be sealed, fucking fuck faced bastards." Alex mumbled as her grip around the sink became so hard that her knuckles whitened.

"So he hired, what, some men to beat you up?" Piper said as she stood in the doorway not really comprehending the situation.

"No, they were there to kill me... I was able to get away after some well aimed kicks to the groin." Alex mumbled down into the sink. Still not facing Piper.

"How the fuck do you hire an assassin in prison?" Piper said, a bit in chock. Someone couldn't just order a murder in prison, right?

"I don't fucking know! Does it matter? Did you want to know how they planed to execute it?" Alex yelled, turning around this time to face the blonde.

"Yeah, Al. I would..." Piper said and shook her head, with her eyebrows raised almost to her hairline at the stupid answer she got from the raven-haired woman.

"I'm sorry... that was unnecessary." Alex forced out and looked down on the floor.

"You think?" Piper said and handed the raven-haired woman the bag of frozen strawberries. The other woman just sighed and took the bag and held it to her face. They moved into the living room and Piper turned around to face Alex to continue the discussion, but the other woman beat her to saying something.

"I... I think we need to go..." Alex said and closed her eyes, still holding the bag to her face, to sooth her sore cheek.

"... What?" Piper didn't think that things would ever escalate to _that, _the final, permanent solution, even if she heard Alex loud and clear when she told her the men were there to kill her. It didn't seem to stick in her mind that somebody had tried to kill the raven-haired woman. It hadn't settled in her mind yet just how grave the situation really was.

"We have to do this. It's the only way I can keep you safe." Alex said as she dropped her arm, which held the frozen strawberries to her face.

Piper stood there, in the living room, completely in shock at this piece of information. Of course she understood as soon as she saw Alex that it was bad, but to actually go away, flee, that was a whole different piece of cake.

"But we can't just go... There's... There's..." Piper didn't know how to continue. She couldn't just leave Polly and she couldn't just leave her own family, even if they weren't the closest family she couldn't just pick up a bag and go. There was so much they would leave behind. Alex's chance at a new job, their friends, Piper's job, her home... She stopped at that thought. Was this really home? The place she now lived in? Had it ever been home to her? It had certainly started to feel like it or was it just that anywhere with Alex was like home? Because the love she held for the other woman was home?

Home is something that is safe, something that is familiar. Alex was all of that, even if she wasn't involved in safe things, Piper always felt safe with her.

"I know... I know Piper, but I think this is the only option." Alex interrupted her train of thoughts and then, all of it came crashing down around her. All of the logical things. One cannot simply just pick up a bag and leave, not in their case. They were ex-cons. To leave the states for another country in hopes of starting a new life was a long and hard process they didn't have time committing to.

"Do you even have a plan?" Piper asked and watched as Alex bit her lip. The raven-haired woman seemed to have an equally hard time facing the situation as Piper had.

"Why can't we just call the police?" Piper asked, trying to reason with logic. No, this wasn't logic, this was her last grasp at hope. The last desperate grasp to stay were they where. The last grasp preventing her roots from being brutally ripped up from the ground. The police was the authority. They could surely help. They _had_ to help.

"No. Do you really think they care? I broke so many laws that I'm am but a mere worthless ex convict to them. Trouble with an international drug cartel is not what they want. Trust me." Alex raised her voice as she usually did when she was trying to get her point across to Piper when she was being stubborn. The cold bag was now forgotten to the raven-haired woman. The pain in her face also left back in the dust.

"How can you be so sure? Have you asked them?" Piper asked, still trying to grip at that idea as the last piece of grass straw holding her from tumbling down to uncertainty from a high cliff.

"No! But believe me, the police or the feds wouldn't protect us. It's just something from the movies. They don't spend money on something they barley believe in. The cartel work clean. No loose ends, you know. I can't prove anything. These marks could've been from anything. They said it would be classified, but he still found out it was me. So why would their help help?" Alex raged on. Piper was still unfazed by the rage that came from the other woman. Trying so hard to find a clear path in her racing mind, but failing to do so.

"Can you really keep us safe, even if we run?" Piper said in an attempted to find at least one answer to a question that she wanted to hear.

"I don't know, but hopefully. I don't even know if Kubra is free or anything about the cartel. I don't really fucking know..." Alex said as she slumped down on the floor. The silence wrapped around them. Slowly suffocating them under it's thick pressure. Piper's mind went completely still, making her unable to move or think anymore. She desperately wished that their solution would just land in front of them and that it was simple and involved the two of them staying exactly were they where.

Finally, Alex spoke up and lifted the heavy blanket around them with her voice.

"I'm a fuck up..." Alex said. Piper slumped down on the floor beside her. Just leaving in a heart beat and not looking back, was that how this was going to go down? She knew she could do it. She and Alex were a team. They could work together really well if they wanted to and Piper had promised not to leave. Even so, that didn't mean it didn't hurt just thinking about leaving everything behind.

She felt that hard lump forming in her throat, cutting off her air supplies. How her eyes began to sting really bad and how it felt like something squeeze her whole body, capturing it with it's iron fist and not relenting in their grip. Slowly dragging her soul out, leaving her to be an empty shell with only her heart still beating, hard and slowly. She could even hear her pulse, loud in her ears. It amazed her that her heart didn't just stop beating. Not even the warm tears that streamed down her cheeks seemed to ease the pressure. She felt Alex's hands on her face and shifted her eyes to the other set. She could see tears rolling down her face as well.

"Don't leave me..." Alex said and Piper only shook her head. How could Alex not have seen this coming?

"How the fuck did you not see this coming, Alex?" Piper said through her tears. Her voice really strained. It actually hurt just to speak, but she had to ask. She had to know if there was a plan. How she was supposed to face this whole mess.

"I made the testimony a year ago, I made a deal with my lawyer that took away all my time besides a year, so that I wouldn't have to deal with some bullshit probation or something like that. I just thought that they would leave me be..." Alex said and dropped her hands from Piper's face. Looking away.

"You cannot that naïve, Alex. Really? If they were to kill you if you didn't work enough, surely they would just let you go if you testified against them. No hard feelings, you know?" Piper asked in a bitter tone. Usually Alex was so calculating, could see all the risks and move around them with ease. Had she really been that desperate to get out from prison? Piper argued that it really wasn't such a farfetched thought after all. Stripped from all the control and practically your life in there, Alex would surely be desperate enough to make such a dangerous deal.

"I guess I planned on them not finding out... It seems to have been a shitty bet." Alex said and Piper shook her head again. It made a bit more sense to her know that Alex didn't trust the justice system. Twice had she been fooled to believe that she had her back free only to have it stabbed.

"So you were just going to sweep me away, again?" The blonde asked in a hushed whisper. It may have been stupid to ask, considering all of the promises Alex had made her, but now in the rear-view mirror, it kind of looked like that. She desperately wished that it wasn't the case. She hoped that Alex had just wanted to get out of prison and made a stupid deal.

"No... I don't know. I guess I didn't have a plan. Hence my nightmares... I guess I haven't slept well since I made the deal." Alex said in defeat.

"So you lied to me about the dream you told me about?" Piper said and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and soon to be anger. It wouldn't be the first time Alex had lied to her, but still. If it was a matter of life, then she should have told Piper something earlier.

"No, it was as I told you. I guess it spawned from my fear of you finding out about the deal I took..." Alex said and Piper could see the sincerity in her teary eyes. Piper could only nod. She felt tired. It was so much information to process. And as it always seemed when her mind was full of thoughts, her famous foot-in-mouth disease showed itself. It was just a slip, but she had to know. If the answer was wrong, she wouldn't be able to handle it, so asking was not really the smartest thing to do, but it was already out there before she could stop herself.

"So this was just a goodbye for you?" Piper said and shook her head. She wanted to stand up and leave. She couldn't believe it. It was just inconceivable that this was happening. She couldn't just get up and leave it all behind her. She wouldn't miss her job, but that wasn't the point. To leave home and just fall freely? She didn't know if she could do it all again. Not this kind of free falling.

"No... No, no. I guess at first it was. I guess I had to see if you were safe, but how could I ever say goodbye to you again when you're the only thing tying me to a life with meaning?" Alex said with more tears streaming down her face as her lower lip started to tremble, which Piper thought was something she had never ever seen before.

"I know a life with me is complicated and dangerous and all the other negative adjectives you could ever imagine. I guess I can never tell you how sorry I am for that. But, if we just get out of here, I think it could be less complicated." Alex said with a thick voice. Piper just stared at the other woman.

"I guess..."

"But where are we supposed to go? We can't just leave the country, Alex. We're ex-cons, how are we supposed to get a job? I'm not even sure we could get a visa to stay in a country or even become citizens or what ever. How..." Her voice seemed hollow and it was a miracle she could even get words to sound. There was so many questions running through her head, but it all seemed to lose it's meaning the more she asked. So they both fell into silence, needing it to sort themselves out.

After a while, Alex stood up and extended her hand to Piper. The tears still making their way down her cheeks.

"Do you trust me?"

"I don't really know anymore, but do I have any other choices? I can't leave you Alex. Not again."

The bag of strawberries lay forgotten on the floor. As it melted, pink water seeped from the bag from an unknown hole, draining its liquid content onto the wooden floor, sure to leave a stain when it would dry. The strawberries would soon exit their frozen sleep of preservation and begin to mold. The temperature in the room would slowly infect the berries and after a while, they would all be covered in a green mushy mat. The sweet taste of them would long be forgotten. Decaying, melting, drying into the wood. Forgotten to the world.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN:** Okay, only one more to go before the epilogue. I will not leave you all hanging. The last chapter will settle you all, which is almost done, but the epilogue will just get you some goodies, if you want it.

Thanks for reading. Love always.

_**Free falling**_

It was like after an explosion. A fussy silence filled with a loud stinging noise. Every movement slowed down to three times their speed. Her heart hurt because of the decision she had to force upon them, what her life had forced upon them. She could see clear as a day how hurt the blonde was. All the lines in her beautiful face were stretched out thin. Her usual glow was but a mere cloudy and gray autumn day. The air was thick as if invisible smoke had filled the room with her last question. With the last words. The hesitance that filled the room must've been the metaphorical smoke that made the air so thick. Even so, it was still as hard to inhale when their hands met.

She felt hollow as they went to the bedroom. Piper went to the closet and found two large duffel bags. They both moved slow, as if stuck in syrup. It was hard to move fast. The energy had just evaporated into thin air. Even when they both started stuffing the bags to the brim with clothes and other stuff they were going to need, they didn't feel the need to speed up the process. Their departure was happening either way.

It wasn't much left when they finally dragged the bags to the hallway and called a car dealer. Alex talked in a low voice, trying not to disturb the delicate silence. She didn't have the energy to disrupt any more things than she already seemed to have.

A small dinner was made, nothing short of a last meal. Neither of them felt like eating, like the food grew in their mouths, denying them it's offered energy, but it still had to be done. Like the routine it was. A routine much like coming home. The best piece of normality one face's on a daily basis. Even if they ate because they had to, it was the closest thing to coming home at the moment, the last piece of normality.

Darkness grew closer as the sun wandered over the sky, embracing them further in the silence. The stinging noise was long gone, but the thick fussy feeling of being hollow lingered with its cold wet hands. Alex didn't really know what they were waiting for. Just something. It didn't hurt if it was actually dark when they left, but it didn't matter if it actually was. Nothing seemed to matter but the fact that they were going away.

Piper took her hand as they made their way to the waiting cab that would take them to the car dealer. It soothed her somewhat to have her warm hand in her own. Her last piece of serenity before it was time to start free falling for real. And that thought cracked it all, smothering the warm content feeling she'd just had micro seconds ago.

_**xxx**_

Alex shifted to a lower gear to be able to accelerate better. She slowly drifted out to the left lane and passed the car in front with ease. The raven-haired woman drove by no means aggressive, but she drove fast. It was a bit of an art form to drive fast, but calmly. Even if she could feel her stomach acids rise in her throat and her heart beat fast, she tried to act like it was okay. Act like she wasn't scared. For Piper. It was all an act for her sake.

"I hate leaving people..." Piper whispered out. The statement was almost drowned by the sounds of the engine and the tires against the black asphalt that passed just a few inches underneath them.

"I know..." Alex said. While she drove, slow and silent tears streamed down her cheeks. Even if she tried to act calm and not scared, the sadness was the one thing she couldn't hide. This was a time beyond apologizes. No words could lull them into a safe harbor.

She wasn't even sure if they were watching her. The only thing she was fairly certain of was that it was bad to stay were they where. Yet, she felt so fucking guilty to just pick Piper up again and leave. She also felt bad about leaving Nicky. When would all this shit just stop following her? She didn't fucking need this. She had almost been able to get her shit together after her and Piper's talk, but now they were back to square one. No, more like square minus three. One cannot make a deal with the devil and expect to live happily ever after. All just to be able to repay her mom for everything she had ever done for her. How hard she had busted her ass to just feed her. All just to have what she hadn't had in all of her life. Yet it all came back to bite her really hard in the ass. Something that was once a good thought. It was not a good deed to feed on other peoples misery for the sake of money, but it had been a good thought. Like pay it forward. She had only wanted to pay it forward to her mom tenth the size of what she had been given, because Alex knew how much more her mom wanted to do and give Alex.

Alex sighed as she stared at the black asphalt ahead of her. The headlights of the car illuminating only a small portion of the road. She hated driving in the dark, but not only that, she had started to hate the dark. So many things seemed to lure there. It was yet another thing she didn't have control over. The devil could be round the next corner. The devil, Alex thought. If one thought about God and the Devil, it all seemed so strange. Why would the devil, whom is claimed to hate God, do his services and punish people who hated God?

Lucifer was no revolting angel. He must've been Gods most devoted servant to take on such a job. To put people in misery for not obeying the all mighty God. God must have trusted him to carry on with his dirty deeds.

Even though Alex wasn't religious by any means, she couldn't help but shiver at the thought that she had the devil breathing in her neck. It was a nasty picture to keep in mind and she yet again shifted to a lower gear and passed another car. It scared her to be in this situation. She had no control what so ever if they would find her again. All she could do was try.

Were the fuck would they even live? She knew she had property in other countries but wasn't sure how she would get rid of it. They couldn't live in them. It would be too easy for Fahri's guys to find them there. But if she could get rid of it, it was money at least. She guessed she'd have to call her lawyer and talk to him and see what he could do about it. The money she had left from her mother's old house wasn't going to last long with both of them without jobs. She just hoped that Piper had a lot more in her bank account than she had.

She was at conflict with her whole life at the moment. The job that she may have gotten. What would she tell them if she actually got it? That she had to work from a distance because she had to run away from the drug cartel that she used to work for? Yeah, they would love to hear that. No, she could at least try to ask to be offered a long distance job. If it didn't work, then she had no idea. The only thing she knew was where to go for a shorter time of refuge. She didn't even know how she came to think about the place. She had only been there once before and it was a miracle she could even remember the name of the motel. Alex guessed that the odd and ironic name was the reason she could even remember it. Shady motel. Who the fuck names a motel Shady, as if they weren't sketchy as it was. The one and only time she had been there was when she couldn't handle her life anymore. She flew to Las Vegas for a job and had gotten a few days off, this was during the times she was on H. She was barley coping, and decided to just go. Renting a car and drove towards the dessert in hopes of getting as far away from life as possible. After a couple of hours of driving, she saw the sign for the motel and laughed out loud. She decided to stop there and just lay off life. It didn't really matter where she had stopped, the name just caught her attention. So, she stayed a couple of nights, never really leaving the bed. Always high, just mulling in her misery. That was until Kubra himself, as he put it, blessed her with his presence and took her by the neck and told her to get her shit together. He was by no means forgiving, but argued that he couldn't loose his best importer.

"I'm sorry, Alex." Piper whispered and clutched Alex's hand that had been in her lap for a while. Alex snapped out of her thoughts and refocused on the road again. She really didn't feel like talking or exchanging apologies, but maybe it was better than letting the swirling darkness in her mind take over.

"For what?" Alex whispered back in a thick voice, the acid creeping higher in her throat. The guilt still slowly strangling her. She almost got angry at the blonde for saying she was sorry, but let it be. There was no point in upsetting each other more.

"My reaction. It was way too harsh. It was just the chock, I guess. You being okay is more important. Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere else?" Piper sat up in the seat, having crawled up into a small ball before. She stared at Alex, wanting an answer. It felt like it was the only thing they were doing. Exchanging answers. Not talking about nothings. There was no clear sky to look up at and admire the stars that hung high in the distant vacuum. There was no more nothings to talk about. Their sky was cloudy and gray. Hindering them from seeing anything other then the suffocating cotton balls in the sky.

"No, it's okay. Just the wound on my arm..." Alex said in a small voice. It was nice to hear that not all Piper cared about was this whole mess she had gotten them into. It was nice, but felt undeserved.

"I think I saw a first aid kit in the back of the car. I can check it out the next time we stop so I can clean and wrap it up." Piper said and squeezed her hand tighter. It was obvious that Piper had shifted in to the more logical side of her. That was also a comfort. It meant that Piper was with her.

_**xxx**_

The mild summer night wind blew Alex's hair in her face as she stood by the car, filling gas into it. The sky was a sloppy blue greenish color that was painted with tiny stars that shone in the distance. It was a mellow scene. The summer always seemed to bring that to the sky. It was never really intense, beside from the morning and evening sky's. They were always intense. The summer always offered a lot of different impressions, that's why Alex loved them so much. Other wise, the world was so dull and ugly, but on a summer night, without all of the people around, it was breathtakingly beautiful. But what was beauty to her in a time like this? It was undeserved. Nothing to stop and admire. They were in a rush. A rush to get away. One cannot stop and admire that the world is actually beautiful. She clenched the handle to the gas pump harder and fought another wave of acid from her stomach. She wasn't aware of the fact that the body could actually function in this current state of stress, self-anger and sadness. She wanted to hurt really bad, but all she got was a dull throb that squeezed her so tight. She just wanted to stop fighting the natural instinct to breath. It was too tiring.

Piper was inside getting some coffee and snacks for the road. She hadn't yet told the blonde where they were going. She hadn't even asked. So Alex figured she would explain it once they got closer to the location or Piper actually asked about it.

The journey leading up to the gas station had been mostly quiet. It was weird how awkward she felt about talking at the moment. She used to be so comfortable talking with Piper. They both used to be, going on for hours without really anything of relevance to talk about. She didn't even know if Piper was really angry at her, so she didn't know if she had the so called right to speak about something. And trying to lighten up the mood was totally out of the question. That would almost feel rude. Like she wasn't taking this seriously.

She could practically feel how the walls in her mind were slowly building themselves up. One brick at a time. She didn't want to feel like that. Closing herself out from Piper, but she didn't know how to handle this. She wasn't unfamiliar with self-anger, but this was something new. Alex had caused a life altering situation by doing something in a time when she was truly desperate. Like she had when she named Piper. She had altered the blondes life by doing so and by giving up details about Fahri, she had done it again.

As she parked the car a bit further away, Piper came out of the store and situated herself in the passenger seat again. She silently handed Alex her coffee. It smelled like how she wanted it, black without anything to taint the flavor of it. She was surprised that the coffee tasted so good. It was only a gas station store. Alex would never have thought that their coffee would taste better than coffee from an expensive cafe on an airport. She sighed with delight and so did Piper.

"Yours as good as mine?" Alex asked silently, trying to just say something. Usually she never minded silence with the blonde, but she desperately wanted to talk about something. The silence was becoming too thick.

"Yeah, they even had soy milk. Guess truck drivers aren't as tough as they seem." Piper said and chuckled weakly. Alex smiled and drank some more of her coffee, just that little statement made her feel better.

After they had devoured their coffees Alex was about to start the car again, but Piper stopped her.

"Can I look at the wound? I found the first aid kit and it seems okay. A bit old, but never used." Alex just nodded and took off her shirt so she only had her tank top on. She kept her gaze straight ahead. Alex didn't like to look at wounds. It wasn't that she had a problem with blood or anything like that, she just didn't like it.

Suddenly she felt Piper's smooth and warm fingertips on her shoulder. They traced her skin down to where the wound would be. She closed her eyes at the contact. The familiar feeling of the blondes fingertips tracing her skin. It felt like home, safe and warm.

She couldn't help but wince once Piper came in contact with the wounded area.

"Shit, you're lucky they didn't cut of a muscle." Alex only nodded. She remembered that knife all too well. How it almost went into her throat. She could see the sharp flash from it. How it shone and then too fast went against her. She only managed to dodge it in the last second, shielding her throat with her upper arm. The pain that shot through her arm. How she had to ignore that in order to roll away and get up and run, but not first without kicking the fuck nut in his balls. That hadn't helped long, since he had two others with him. They cornered her, but she had managed to do the same trick there. As she ran as fast as she could, she thanked the non existing God that men had balls that hurt as fuck when kicked.

"You have a lot of fibers in it from your shirt. I need to clean it." Yet again Alex only nodded, trying to prepare for the pain that was coming. She could remember how much it hurt when she was a kid and had scraped her knee on the asphalt and when her mum cleaned it, it stung like hell. She anticipated the same pain, but a hundred times worse. This wasn't a little scrape on the knee, it was a pretty deep cut.

She tried to sit still as Piper dabbed the wound, but it felt like being cut all over again. Her nails dug into her palm in an effort to distract the pain from the shoulder and not move around to much so that Piper could do her job with ease.

After being patched up, she tried to start the engine again, but Piper stopped her.

"Let me drive. You have been going all night and you need to rest." Piper didn't wait for Alex to respond as she stepped out of the car and went around it to the drivers seat and opened the door.

"Piper, you don't know where we are going." Alex said and looked up at the blonde woman.

"I have a GPS. You can put it in before we get going." Piper said and waited for Alex to get up. The raven-haired woman did as she was told and moved.

"So, where to?" Piper said, when they both had put their seat belts on.

"Piper, it's weird how unfazed you seem about it all of a sudden." Alex said and fiddled with her fingernails. She hadn't put in their destination yet in her phones GPS app. The blonde started ahead of her and was quiet for a long time.

"Well, there is no point in sitting around and pout. This is going to happen whether I like it or not. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and that doesn't mean I can't help." Piper said in a firm voice.

"So, you're still mad at me?" Alex said down to her lap.

"No, Alex. I'm not."

"Then what?" Alex said, still down to her lap. She knew there was something more to it.

"It's... nothing. Okay, I can't do anything about what is happening. We have to do this, so I might as well help." Piper said and turned to Alex.

"So, where to?"

"Nevada." Alex said and entered the motels name in the app, while Piper started the car.

"Nevada? Las Vegas? Isn't that a little exposed?" Piper said with a frown.

"We're not going to Vegas, _baby_. It's like a two hour drive north of Vegas. Out in the dessert. Just a small town. Nothing to it. It's just a pit stop." Alex said and looked at Piper for approval. She hadn't really thought of anything but that. She knew they just needed a little more time to settle things before they could take off from the states. Running away and jumping around countries was too expensive and out of the picture. They needed time to really plan what to do and get visas and that kind of things.

"Okay, then. Off we go."


	20. Chapter 20

**AN:** So this is it. Now that I look back on the story, I don't feel comfortable with it and I don't like it, but I hope you've enjoyed the story.

Thank you for sticking with me through it. It has meant the world to me. You guys have put a smile on my face. Thank you so much for that. All the great words that I have received, I have taken to my heart and they're still there. So cherish the fact that you've made me smile and gain confidence. You guys are the best. Thank you.

Thanks for reading. Love always. 

_**Let me steal your last name one day**_

Alex managed to drift off into a light sleep while Piper drove. However, it wasn't a good sleep. She could see images of them being pulled over by a cop, who wasn't really a cop, and the person shot Piper in the head, in cold blood. When the shot went off she woke up abruptly and breathed heavily, looking over at Piper who was still there. Her hands were cold and sticky, like they got when she was nervous or stressed in that panicked way. Piper was still there and there was no cop. She breathed out shakily and closed her eyes, trying to calm down. As long as they both were still in the states, she knew she wouldn't get a good nights sleep. She needed to figure out something that would last for them and she needed to do it fast. She went through all of the places in her mind that were safe and would be livable. Suddenly she felt something on her thigh and tensed at the touch at first, not mentally prepared to be touch.

"You okay, baby?" Piper whispered as she stroked her thumb over the others muscle. Alex relaxed a bit after hearing the blondes voice. She knew it was Piper's hand, of course, but she was just taken a bit red handed with her thoughts. Not that she was keeping secrets, but she wanted the other to think that she already had a plan or, at least, a bit of clue of something that would keep them alive.

"Yeah, sure. Just... just a bad dream. I can take over now, I don't really feel like sleeping anymore..." Alex said and sat up a bit straighter in the chair. Having the tone she had when she clearly didn't want to discuss the topic further.

"Umh, yeah. Let me just pull over." Piper said and stopped at the next parking pocket, knowing that arguing with Alex was useless.

"We'll figure something out." Piper said as she sat down on the passenger side. Alex just nodded slowly as she started to drive.

**xxx**

They had stopped for the day, they needed too sleep after almost thirty hours awake. Alex said that they were almost there. Even so, they didn't want to push it.

Nothing but dessert, cliffs and dust surrounded them. A few dried up trees stood lonely accompanied by a stray cactus. Alex had driven the car down a dirt road to get them some privacy. That way, they would be able to sleep in the car unnoticed by the police. They sat in the trunk of their old Volvo, wanting to catch the last sunlight of the day.

"I'm sorry if I swept you away again..." Alex said and starred at the yellow red horizon, unconsciously fiddling with her hands. Piper had her gaze in the same direction as the raven-haired woman.

"I guess it's my turn to have an apology tour." They both chuckled lightly at that, but grew silent. Still with their gaze far away.

"I'm not sure you are in danger, but I couldn't risk it and..." Before Alex could get any further, Piper turned to the other woman and hushed her with a finger on her lips.

"Even if I weren't, I would've stuck with you. I can't be ripped from your side again." Piper said and removed her finger from Alex's mouth. She had made her peace with it, but of course it still hurt to just get up and leave. At least they were still in America. Even thought their situation was shit, she had Alex. A woman she had longed for during five long years.

"It may be complicated and weird and I don't really know. The only thing I do know, though, is that I can't keep living without you." Piper said and grasped the other woman's hand. She stroked Alex's knuckles softly with her thumb, like she was so used to.

"We are too complicated to understand sometimes, but I guess it comes down to one simple thing that is really worth knowing, and that is that we love each other. Truly, madly and deeply." Piper said and kept her eyes locked with the other woman. Alex smiled weakly and after having let the words rest, the weak smile turned into a smirk.

"Please don't start singing Savage Garden to me. We both know they belong in the 90's for a reason." Alex said and chuckled when Piper hit her on the shoulder.

"Oh please, it's like the best love song of the 90's! You even danced with me to it once! You can't deny that it was beautiful!" Piper said with an offended look on her face.

"Yes, it was, but not because of the song." Alex said and leaned into the blonde a bit.

"You do know that you are as cheesy as you think the song is right now?" Piper said and smirked.

"Yeah, but you seem to love cheese so why not butter your sandwich with it as much as I can?" Alex said and laughed really loud when Piper hit her pretty hard on her shoulder. After the laughter ceased the raven-haired woman took Piper's hand in hers.

"So, when did you become this 90's Buddhist guru preacher?" Alex said and smirked weakly, tuning back to the more serious topic. Piper sighed and held Alex's hand a bit harder.

"It's because I trust you, Alex. When you told me that night that you had forgiven me and that I had to stop thinking the way I did. I trusted your words. I knew you were right. So I tried my hardest to not keep thinking how much I had hurt you, because you also said that it hurt you. So please, trust me when I say this, Alex: Even if we are going to fight about stuff that happened, I will still love you. And like you said, I'm over it. Take my words to your heart, do what you did to me." Alex closed her eyes during Piper's little speech, trying to prevent tears from falling. She felt Piper's warm hand gently caress her cheek and opened her eyes. Even during all the tumultuous trips they'd been on, the truth in Piper's words were evident. They really did love each other silly and it was all that really mattered. Sometimes one must relent in finding a higher meaning in things and refrain to the simpler things, Alex thought. Like that one time she almost walked out on Piper. When she clenched that door handle so hard. That one time when she realized how important it really was to find refugee in the smallest of things. Like, to really appreciate how good it feels to breathe sometimes, or just open your eyes to really see. Alex knew that it was a really fine definition. One can see all the time, but with that tiny difference when one opens the eyes and really focuses, everything becomes different. Like seeing the world for the first time and being left awestruck with the beauty of it. That was something that she sometimes did, open her eyes and saw their love and every time it took her breath away. How lucky she was to share something so beautiful with someone.

It would be a long way before she would be able to do that. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself immediately. It would be a though trip. A long, but important road to travel. It was also the way to safety and a normal life. The life they both needed and she owed Piper that. So she would try and do as Piper said. Trust her.

Alex let the words rest in the air. Not having anything to say that would contribute. It was fine as it was.

"I guess our broken pieces are stuck together forever now." Alex said, still letting her gaze adorn Piper. Letting them really see.

"They definitely fit better now." Piper said with a slight smile playing on her lips, but the real smile hid in her eyes. They shone with love and contentment. Alex thought it was weird to be able to read something like that from just the eyes of another person. Then she remembered that those eyes belonged to Piper. Her Pipes.

"So, are you saying that broken pieces fit better?" Alex asked and smiled.

"Yep, at least ours." Piper also smiled. She smiled that smile that made her whole being come alive. The one that warmed ones soul.

"I figured something out when I drove the other night, I think it may be a good plan, but we have to wait until we have a bit more money and our visas are approved. I think it might work." Alex said and looked down at their hands.

"That's all I need to know, for now."

This was yet another adventure with Alex. She always played at the high tables, taking risks no one else took, but Piper guessed that that was what she loved about her. And to know that she actually had a plan for them, made it all alright again. Sure, she would have her heart in two places, but she guessed she had always had it that way. It would be hard, but she had the one person she was always going to need by her side.

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you too."

The sun was about to set over the dessert landscape. The yellow and red colors had mixed together and was now a warm and bright orange tone that colored both of their hair. It gave the picture they would hold in their memories forever that warm glow that would settle deep in the heart. For the sake of remembering, they sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Let me steal your last name one day." Piper whispered, still staring off in the distance. Alex sharply turned her head at the blondes words. She had never heard Piper say something like that. She hadn't known what their definition of forever was. Never in her mind had she pictured it like that, but during the few seconds that it took for the picture to swirl past her eyes, the more she started to like it.

"Okay." Piper turned her head and smiled. A smile that was returned.

The final words that were spoken was all that needed to be said. One final kiss was shared, sealing the promise. It was passionate and tender. Spilling unspoken love words to each other that only kisses can tell.

With one last look at the sunset, they got into the car again waiting for the morning to come so they could continue their new adventure. Together. 

**AN: **There will be an epilogue, it's under progress, filled with goodies. It just doesn't feel right to leave it like this. Or you decide if there will be one or not. So let me know what you think.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN:** This is it. Thank you to all of you who have supported me through this story. It's been a journey of self growth and development in my ability to write in English. I hope this story has been satisfactory for you and thank you all again for all the favorites, follows and reviews that I've got. You're the best!

And for the last time;

Thanks for reading. Love always.

_**Epilogue – Like, Will you marry me for pussies**_

Two nervous months later, they finally found themselves on Mccarran international airport about to board a one way flight out of the country. Ever since they got to the motel, they hadn't really left the room much. Even if they were pretty certain that Fahri's men wouldn't find them out in the Nevada dessert, they took nothing for granted. It was a stressful couple of months they faced, trying to keep both of them sane while practically locked up in a tiny motel rum trying to make a perfect plan on escaping the country.

They were really lucky. The small community that surrounded the motel wasn't much, the people there kept to themselves and didn't ask questions. They were probably used to dusky strangers who came and went like the desert wind.

Alex actually got the job, and they said it was fine if she worked from a long distance. They just needed her to read the scripts, correct them and give her input to it. Sometimes she would Skype with the author just to get a more personal contact with the person. Alex getting the job was a huge success for the both of them. This meant that they would not go empty handed, short handed maybe, but not empty.

xxx

They walked hand in hand towards the gate for the plane to Frankfurt. They would later switch planes there. It was one of the more expensive trips, not by much, but, it was the most straight way to get to their destination. And they both agreed that they wanted to arrive sooner rather then later.

Alex's property abroad had brought in a lot more money than she thought, so she was even able to buy them an apartment in the new country. So when they arrived, they only needed to make one phone call to get the keys and then, they could say welcome home to each other.

Over the two months they had planned things to the very last little detail. The first thing they both did was starting to sell their property so that they knew how much money they had. It went better than expected and after about a month they had sold all the property that they owned and was able to solely focus on getting their visas and country memberships approved. It was actually quite hard, they had to do many calls to different offices and were connected to one operator after the other. Simply put, it was tiring business, but they had to do it if they wanted to be safe and that's what made them wait patiently, well almost, in the phone queue.

When they finally landed on the airport of Arlanda they were both tired and wanted to get to the new apartment quickly. They dragged themselves trough the bustling airport. Even though it was so much smaller than the McCarran airport, it was still very much alive with people going about, stressing to different locations like the world would end if they didn't get there as quickly as possible. Nobody stopped to look at the both of them and that was a small comfort to them both. People here seemed to mind their own business and that's exactly what Alex and Piper needed and wanted.

Even if people around them hurried their steps, they couldn't even be bothered trying to hurry through the airport. They didn't have the energy and it seemed that all of the tension between them had evaporated into the air once they had sat foot on secure soil. This made them realize just how tired they had both been. Tired of being taut like a spring ready to jump and flee at the first sight of danger.

They just wanted to go home with each other. To finally be able to rest peacefully after their long journey of slow, insecure nights with only nightmares to keep them company. Nights were the clock seemed to be their ever present enemy, ticking away painfully slow like it was taunting them with it's power to control time. They just wanted to be able to call something home again, even if they both had each others warm embrace to call home, a roof over the head is comforting. It would be nice to finally feel safe enough to go out in broad daylight and not having to look twice over the shoulder.

When they got to the apartment, they took a mere five minutes to map out the place before they both crashed on the bed that had been bought and placed there for them with the help of the administrator of the building. Other than that, they didn't have any furniture. Not even sheets. They just slumped down on the king sized bed and held each other before they succumbed to the dark place called sleep.

After a quick trip to Ikea to get furniture and other essential things such as kitchen supplies, they started to really make the apartment a home. A few months later, when both of them got more settled in, Piper started looking for a job. But, since her language skills weren't even near a young child's, she started a web site and started making the soaps of PoPi at home. It was a struggle since it had always been Polly who made them, but with time she learned and eventually they were almost as good as Polly's.

After a while, she saw that the interest for her artisanal products were high so she started to look for a place to sell and make them. Of course she talked to Polly and made sure it was okay with her. Polly had been more than okay with it, she was static and saw this as a great opportunity to expand the business even further than Barneys.

It was nice to spend so much time at home with Alex, but the making of the soaps took up too much space and they would end up in each others faces. Just when things started to become too much for them, Piper got an offer to manage a little shop that was already established, but she would be able to sell her own products as well. Her language skills wouldn't be a problem either, since the shop was located in Old Town and that place was crowded by tourists.

Even so, they both thrived in Stockholm.

At a restaurant in Hornstull Strand a year later, they sat and watched the sun set over the canal. They had enjoyed a cup of coffee after a light, but delicious dinner. The summer in Stockholm was quite hot, much like it could be in New York around the same time of year. It was that kind of heat that seemed to stand still between all the houses when one was in the city, but it was nice to not have a rainy and cold summer.

"Admit it, you only wanted to go to Sweden so you could be Lisbeth Salander." Piper said and smirked, thinking about the books. After they both fled the states, they saw the Swedish movies based on the books, but neither of them really liked it since they both adored the books. They had been okay, though. The only thing they could actually say that was good in the movies was Noomi Rapace who played Lisbeth Salander. They thought that she did a good job. It was a different kind of Lisbeth she portrayed than how she was in the books, but they agreed that it worked.

"What? I'm not even remotely like her." Alex laughed and sipped her coffee.

"A bit. You're dark and mysterious and hot. I mean, you did say yourself that Noomi Rapace was hot in the movies. And she is." Piper whistled low.

"Man, she could give you a run for your money." Piper played on, and stared out into thin air like she saw it all before her. Biting her lip for added effect.

"Dear Pipes, that has nothing to do with me being like Lisbeth Salander." Alex smirked.

"But yeah, _Noomi_ is hot. So, maybe I should dump you and go out with myself since I'm so hot." Alex played and flipped her hair overly dramatic over her shoulder.

"Don't even dream about dumping my ass. You love it too much, you narcissistic asshole." Piper said, while she smiled and kissed Alex's hand.

"Well, since I'm such a narcissist I like my ass better than yours. So keep it to yourself honey." The raven-haired woman said while laughing as she had to dodge a punch from Piper.

"You asshole!" Piper almost squealed, but Alex saw that happy glint in her eyes.

"And you love it." Alex said and chuckled low. The banter between them stilled for a moment, lulling Alex into a more serious mode. It had been a long time since she had thought about _it_. The forever thing. The promise she made Piper by that sunset in the Nevada desert. When they sat here, a beautiful summer evening, celebrating a quiet year in the new country, she couldn't think of a better moment to ask when they would follow through. If that was what Piper still wanted.

She had always been sure that she would never put that golden band around her forth left finger. But as it had been that evening in Nevada, the more she thought about it, the less it bothered her to make all those promises and actually go through with it all. Because, Piper was different. She had always been, but the first time around, she hadn't been ready or mature enough for that kind of promise. And now it all made more sense to her. She didn't want anyone else. How could she want somebody else when she had so much history with the blonde? So much memories with her? It was all inestimable. Nobody in the world could put a price or some other kind of value on her love for Piper. She felt guilty when she thought back. When she worked for the cartel, maybe then she had been able to put a price on their love, or rather, _her love_ came with a price. She was so focused on her work, on the one thing she thought she was good at. And sure, she had been. There hadn't been much she had been good at before she started to work for the cartel and to be acknowledge as one of the best importers had meant the world to her at the time.

At this moment in her life she could see that risking her life for all that bullshit was just stupid and childish. Naïve was a better word for it, she thought. And it had made her push aside one of the best things she had in the world, her best friend and the love of her life. It was just pure dumbness, but she could also see it for what it had been to her then.

But since they had built a whole new life, she felt that she was more ready than ever to marry the love of her life.

"Pipes, will you steal my last name soon?" Alex said while her thumb caressed the blonde's hand. It actually felt better to say it that way. Like she had said, _"__I heart you"_. It still meant the same as _I love you_, but it didn't feel like it came with all the tension that saying those three big words came with. And it was the same with the stealing of last names. It still meant _Will you marry me_, but felt better to say. She couldn't really put it into words, but it was kind of comforting to be able to say it like that. Like they had their own way of proposing. It was their thing. Like, _Will you marry me_ for pussies.

"Yeah, when?" Piper smiled as she answered the question, pleased that Alex was seemingly impatient for them to get married.

"In a month? I don't want anything grand unless you want it? We could fly Nicky in." Alex said and fixed with her glasses. Piper smiled wider at this. She was so thoughtful, but still straight to the point with what she wanted. The blonde was really happy about how far they both had come and she was ecstatic to soon be able to call the woman that sat in front of her her wife.

"That sounds fantastic, but Polly has to come too." Piper said, smirked and then she lit up.

"Oh! Maybe we can go to Kiruna and get married at the ice hotel." Piper said with bright shining eyes, like this was the best idea in the world. Her eyes got big and wide and she had almost squealed it out, like she often did when she was excited about something. It brought out that young and innocent Piper that had that Bambi shtick going on. It was cute, but Alex was still a bit taken back by what she said.

"You want a winter wedding?" Alex knitted her eyebrows at the request.

"Yeah, you're my ice princess, so we _have_ to have a winter wedding." Piper said and the smirk returned, knowing fully well how much Alex hated to be called a princess of any kind. Even so that bright twinkle in her eyes was still present. The raven-haired woman narrowed her eyes at the comment.

"I'm not having sex with you on our wedding night on a fucking ice bed. I'll not risk freezing my tits off just to marry you, babe." The raven-haired woman said, still with her eyes narrowed.

"I like the idea, so we'll have to discuss this more, Al. I just want to give my ice princess the wedding she deserves." Piper continued and Alex just rolled her eyes.

"I'm not giving up on this. I'll even risk your tits." The blonde said with a fit of laughter, while Alex just sighed, but smiled anyways.

"But Polly has to come either way." Piper said after she had calmed down a bit.

"Of course. Holly is welcomed." Alex said and they both snorted at the comment.

While the wind and evening slowly crept in, a comfortable silence settled between them. The only thing that could be heard was the city and the people of it going about their business on this Friday evening in the late summer. That point in summer that had slightly colder evenings. The kind of cold that came with the promise that the winter would soon be grasping them with it's unforgiving fist, but it couldn't touch them. Because their eyes twinkled brightly whenever their gaze landed on the other. The kind of brightness that could lit up even the darkest of winters. Also because they were more in love than ever.

"I love you, Al."

"I love you too, Pipes."


End file.
